I work night shift on an OB unit. I was hired to work NBN, but have since been trained to work L&D as well. Lately, I have been working more L&D. We do not keep vent babies, nor do we deliver before 34 weeks unless it is an emergent situation and the children's hospital about 60 miles away is always notified and usually on their way.We delivered and coded a 32 weeker a few nights ago d/t a suspected (and later confirmed >50%) concealed abruption and DIC. The code went perfect in my opinion. We were prepared for this baby. got her intubated, peripheral line started, (pedi did not start umbilical line... but that's another story) chest compressions, fluid boluses (D10w and NS), blood transfusion, epi x3-4 doses, etc. We had a heart rate (I was not the one who auscultated) for approx. 10 minutes, then sometime after intubation we lost it and never got it back. We had been coding her for about 50 minutes when children's transport arrived. they pushed some epi and continued efforts for about 10 minutes although I am sure this was to appease us. They and the shocked and tearful and genius young male OB called it. I have worked many IUFD cases and have had a handful of codes as well. I have never had a baby born alive and not make it to either recover with us or be transported though. I feel like we killed that baby. I know this is "normal" but I am sick over it. I almost resent parents now who are whining about their babies being fussy, or spitting up, etc. As far as I know, my hospital does not have a person I can talk to... and we were not debriefed after this code. We have not had a live birth then infant death in years I'm told (I've been there for going on 3 years now...hired fresh out of school).How do you all cope with situations like this? I know what I'm feeling is normal, but it's all I can think about.