Recreational THC = now starting IPN!

[Honest&Hopeful&Hur]

Well...... hello new friends!

As a "new" Registered Nurse of 2 1/2 years @ 43 years old, a part of my "previous life" did not fall away as completely as it should have. A phone call was made ( and I strongly suspect this was by a co-worker who knew too much of my personal life, and who was increasingly aggressive and confrontational with me at work over the last several months.... regardless of that fact, however, I OWN this now and here I am.... )

This occured last Thursday. I was escorted to HR by mgmt., and then went to give blood & urine. Prior to this, when asked by HR if I "thought it could be positive" I simply, honestly stated, "Yes, it's possible." I did this because I truly feel I have nothing to hide, and I have already been fussed at for #1.) Admitting this - - but if my credibility is all I have, it MUST remain intact!!!! and #2.) For not resigning before submitting to testing. Hmmm...... never occured to me, and seems a wee bit shady anyway......

I know the test will come back (+) and have already made initial calls to IPN to self-report and to an attorney who advised me and told me to call her if things with IPN get bad.... (((( ?!?!?!?! )))) I am fully trusting this process and HOPE I am not naive in doing so....... All that is in my head is "BE HONEST! BE HONEST!! THIS HAS HAPPENED AND YOU HAVE TO OWN IT!!!!

I see alot of good & bad posts about IPN but what gives me hope is the people that say, "Do what they tell you & you will be OK" or "It's hard, but it becomes a way of life and you can do it" or "you will be stronger" or "the time will pass anyway"

The journey and success of becoming an RN changed my life in many profound ways and I will do everything in my power to protect & preserve my license!!!! NOTHING matters more.... I am NOT struggling with concerns of withdrawal or replacing my "buzz" in any way...... I am not sipping wine as I write this!!!

I am also pretty hopeful, as the attorney stated if I am diagnosed at a level that is a need for "Education" and is not addiction/dependancy, that this is taken into consideration.....

Is anyone else in a similar situation?!?!?! A first-time offender, recreational user, no polysubstance use...... I would love to connect with those in a similar situation........... I know this is going to take months to start and years to end...... I would appreciate any and all feedback.......!!!!!

Thank you for listening to my story and I wish you well!!!!!!!!:redbeathe

[Honest&Hopeful&Hur]

Good luck to you.

THANK YOU!!!!! My contract was returned to IPN yesterday, and I expect to start sending out my RESUME next week....!!!!!! *whew*

[gmkj]

Lord knows i am not able to judge anybody else. but nurses are not supposed to break the law we know this and take a pledge to live life accordingly. thc is not legal and i have heard of new mothers who have had there children taken from them because they were unable to pass a drug scren for nothing else but thc. I hope you understand i have done far worse then that I had a 8 year opiod pill addiction . I hope you get a second chance because I believe you deserve it. Just stay away from the GONJA if you ually get do. If not dont loose hope you will eventthru this mess we call the BON.

[Honest&Hopeful&Hur]

".... nurses are not supposed to break the law we know this and take a pledge to live life accordingly...."

Hi there... and thanks for your post and for sharing your thoughts...

If I may respond.... with all due respect... and please forgive my tone, because what I am about to address has been building in me for weeks now...

I do not see this as "this mess we call the BON..." asI have dealt ONLY with IPN and am not Board-referred in my situation. And, I find myself a wee bit frustrated with "addicts" wanting to put me in their category.... That is not MY situation and I simply cannot relate to it.... Pardon me, but I WILL defend myself in this situation.

There are things this situation IS... and there is EVERYTHING else that it ISN'T....

NO ONE is supposed to break the law. Yes, I violated the "Nurse Practice Act" ~ but we are all ONLY HUMAN, right?!?! As stated at the beginning of my original post... this habit carried over from my "civilian" life and is NOW part of MY PAST. I can also tell you that alcohol or cigarettes are not part of my life, and I have NEVER in my life taken or been given a prescribed medication. Addiction is not a disease in my family history. Ibuprofen is the only thing in my system. Pot was the ONLY thing I ever turned to to give my brain "a day off"...... I have been assessed by (2) Psychiatric professionals and undergone +60 hours of treatment to date, as required by this program, and have NOT been diagnosed an "ADDICT". EVERYONE involved in my treatment is satisfied this was "recreational" use and EDUCATION has addressed my "poor judgement" and decision-making. To a certain extent, my decision making on this subject was based on the fact that I am a Free American with my Civil Liberties intact, and what I do on my PRIVATE TIME in the PRIVACY of my OWN HOME is for no one to judge... There was never use on the job, or diversion of any kind involved. My IPN status IS NOT a result of any observations or interventions based on my NURSING PERFORMANCE.

With that being said... Nothing is worth my Nursing license and I will not reach for marijuana again (pending legality issues and glaucoma in my old age aside.... ha! )

I am getting the "second chance" I DESERVE because I have been completely compliant and have received the MINIMUM contract from IPN, and already have a JOB lined up with people who have supported me through this entire process and are aware of my circumstances. The "Nursing Director" hiring me is former Military and a former Sherriff and stated clearly that she "could give a sh*t if someone smokes pot" yet feels "anyone who diverts should do time".... I will never judge anyone elses place in life or the struggles they endure.... my treatment has taught me responsibility, accountability and BOUNDARIES..... and I am a better person for it!!!!

I wish you strength & grace & courage to deal with your situation.... and I truly hope you are able to take this reply in the spirit that it is offered. We are all walking very different paths here... I found little information on anyone in my SPECIFIC situation (no narcs, no addiction, no criminal charges, no diversion, etc...) and I ONLY want my story to provide insight to those may find themselves in THIS PARTICULAR circumstance.

Thanks for listening to my "two cents" worth......

[banannabag]

I TOTALLY agree with everything you just said.. unfortunately I got scared when I got turned in by a neighbor for my recreational use and I would have said I was a crack addict if it meant I got to save my liscense and job. I was told by my addiction evaluator that if I didn't ayt least give him enough to diagnose me with abuse I would have to go before the BON and my liscense would be revoked. I am very frustrated to have to now be looked upon as though I am an addict with all the problems associated with that. My life before all this was great. I never used anything before or during work and am very resentful that I have to be moitored like this because my neighbor found out I smoked some pot on vacation. I refuse to say I am an alcoholic at The mandatory AA meetingsd I have to go to because I am not! The next three years will be the longest of my life and I think it is a very punative system that punishes us nurses for being human and making very human mistakes.

[Honest&Hopeful&Hur]

THANK YOU, Banana Bag for sharing!!!

My Forensic Addiction Psychologist did not DX "Addiction" but my Group Facilitator for IOP did tell me I would have to find a way to "work the group" and "participate" so that she could have something to document for IPN....

We did uncover some issues that indicated my need for "escape" from time to time (( which was congruent with my "substance abuse" DX )) and accordingly I introduce myself at any & all meetings as a "Substance Abuser"..... I am not an Addict and will not claim it..... EVER........

How will this country reconcile "medical marijuana" not being available to "medical professionals" - - - it's gonna get STICKY out there..... there are proven benefits, but I will not even START down that path..........

Good Luck to you...... stay in touch and let me know how you are doing out there....... I am off to my meeting now..... Good Evening!!!!!

[gmkj]

I don't take offense,but I think you misundersttod me. I never said you were a addict ,I only said you broke the law. and as nurses we did take a pledge to try to live ourlives within the law. I am not saying I agree or disagree with recreational thc. some of my best friends have and still do it. and it is not my cup of tea. I don't drink alchol at all but yes I did get in trouble with pain pills. Not necessarily divertion,but I can see how it can happen. I also turned myself into the BON. and I hope you do get a second chance and if needed a third and fourth chance. I don't think your a bad nurse for smoking, I am just saying when we make a choice as a nurse we know if the BON would approve or not. thanks for responding and reading my post.

[Honest&Hopeful&Hur]

Good morning,

So NO you didn't call me an "addict". However, it was my own reaction to someone pointing out the "legal" issues with an 8-year opiate addiction. I felt you point of view might be a bit skewed on the subject.... I sit in treatment 9 hours a week with people truly struggling with a DISEASE, who have relapsed for 2 or 3 times... but that is not my story or my reason for even posting here in the first place. And I did say your post caused me to address what had been building for me for some time. I simply don't understand your need to point out that I "broke the law"..... DUH!!!!! That was addressed in my earlier post as to why I was terminated and would be denied any Unemployment benefits, and just seems a little unnecessary at this point in this thread... my employer would have taken different action if I were (+) for a LEGAL substance!!!

And you keep talking about NURSES taking a "pledge" to TRY and live our lives "within the law." Again ~ I don't TRY to live within the law as a Nurse or as a Citizen or as a Human.... I DO live within the law... Pot was readily available through friends and I never had a "dealer" or a number in my phone... I never went seeking or purchasing...... And I did not perceive myself in NURSE mode when I CHOSE to smoke to relax for an afternoon on my days off... AGAIN, it was what I was doing in MY PERSONAL TIME, in MY PERSONAL SPACE, with MY OWN BODY.... and I guess I am not clear as to why you keep stressing the "breaking the law as a Nurse" issue. Perhaps it is your choice of words... or is it because you had an RX for your pills and you feel justified that you were within the law???

Well.... I am not going to continue on with this debate. :argue:

I came to this site looking for solutions, and found nothing related to my OWN situation, so I have continued to post so that OTHERS may benefit... :)

[gmkj]

I hope you can do well with the bon and I will not continue this debate any further at your suggestion.. best wishes.

[Honest&Hopeful&Hur]

I wish you well, also......... :)

[lifeistweet]

MJ, crack, cocaine, heroine, or dui, whatever, until it's legal and we don't have to worry about our license, BEWARE! That's all this post is saying. I, for one, am grateful that I have my license and it is worth it to me to keep it safe. The BON or IPN definately goes overboard when they recieve a complaint. The docs in our group only get one year contracts and that's for opoid addiction, where they write the scripts!!! Two RN's in our group are on 3 year contracts because they called in to work while they were drinking at home. Definately alcoholics and a threat to the public. Just saying be careful, your license and job are worth the trouble. :yeah:The next year will go fast, you're lucky to only get a one year contract.

[Honest&Hopeful&Hur]

"That's all this post is saying."

Hey there.... not sure if you meant my post or Momovsix's post...... again, while I am clear on the legality issue, I admit I DID take exception to the choice of verbage ~ ~ that "Nurses take a pledge to live inside the law" that just seemed a little random to me....... and, quite frankly, rubbed me the wrong way. A reference to the "Nurse Practice Act" should be stated as such, and be quoted a bit more accurately..... at least to MY way of thinking.....

All I wanted to do here was offer the process to those in my specific situation - - and CERTAINLY not debate legalities...... Nurses are highly intelligent, well-educated people and I believe that some things simply go without saying...

that's all........

[southernbeegirl, BSN, RN]

Magsulfate said

"I want to stress to you that it is important to be honest with YOURSELF and as far as being honest with everyone that does not include telling everyone about your addiction and IPN participation. Tell only the people who are the "need to know " list"

The being honest with yourself is probably the hardest of all to accomplish intially, but in time it does come a lot easier. The "need to know thing is kind of trickey sometimes, because you just want to get your story out, I would not discuss ANYTHING with my coworkers about this. Nothing , Nada, zilch and No way! If you do it will come back and bite you hard. Keep quiet and just listen, you will figure out at time, place and whom to tell and on what level to tell.

Mark

PS. Mag..your not rude or mean!! just realistic, been there done that..saw the movie......

I don't agree.

After my intervention and my subsequent admit to rehab and probation, I personally told every nurse I worked with (i'm the supervisor). I recieved nothing but love from them and still do. I think that no matter what their opinion of drug addicted nurses was before me, over the past years, we have all been on this journey together in a way. it's a common topic at work about how "different" i am now. people often talk about how my moods used to cycle, i was beeotchy, horrible to work with and for, and over the years how they've watched me mellow out with each year of sobriety and grow in my sobriety to the delieriously happy girl that i am today. my words meant nothing to them when i told them i was going to change. my actions, on the other hand, have showed how i've grown, changed and grown up. i've been lucky enuf, because of my honesty, to have helped some staff members personally and even some of their family members. and even on the rare occasion, if the situation has warranted, a patient or a family member.

i dont shout it from the rooftops but i dont hide it either. negative responses are as much a part of my consequences as positive responses are, for me at least.

when i got sober, i decided to have NO secrets anymore. the good thing about that for me is that by everyone i work with knowing my history, if i ever started diverting, they love me enough to turn me in on the spot. it's something that i've talked with them about for years. thats the reason for my honesty. no secrets so i cant revert back to active addiction without some real quick, serious consequences.

i'm not saying everyone should do what i've done. i work in a very special place. i know now that God sent me there so that i could finally get sober, heal and learn to be a real person and a real nurse. i'm very lucky.

even if i leave there though, i'm still going to be this honest because it's who i am. if i have to hide from an employer than i'm in recovery, then i dont need to work there because it wouldnt take me long to start using again.

does any of this make any sense?