2 weeks ago I had my yearly evaluation and I felt like I was ambushed.
When I walked in the room to meet with my supervisor, I was surprised to see the clinic director and office manager in the room as well. The first thing out of their mouth was " We don't think this job is a good fit for you. It's just not working for us." I was floored. I asked them what wasn't working and they could not give me any specifics other than I "didn't ask enough questions." ??? That blew my mind - I thought if they had any complaints it would be that I asked too many!
I have been working at this clinic for two years, never called in sick, worked every weekend and every holiday.
I thought things were going well. I liked my schedule and the staff and the patients. I never got any complaints. I brought in a ton of patients to the clinic. They said they would give me 30 days to try and see if they could make things work. I took a deep breath and said - "I have been here two years and never had a poor evaluation, as far as 'fit' I think 2 years is enough time to see if someone fits or not and I don't think 30 days would make any difference". I gave my 2 week notice on the spot. As soon as I told them I would be leaving they said "oh, we are so sorry it didn't work out...the patients are going to be so sad, they just love you and we have never had any complaints about you, you're productivity is great, you come in early and leave late, your charting is always complete, blah, blah, blah. I'm not sure what the problem is.
I've never had anything like this happen before. I can't believe this has happened. I feel like such a failure - I don't understand what I did wrong. My self esteem is in the crapper. I feel like I just can't even look for another job because I must not be a good enough FNP. Yes, I am definitely having a hard time with this.
Specializes in primary care, pediatrics, OB/GYN, NICU.
Thanks for all your supportive comments guys...it is difficult not to take it personally. Rejection is tough. Especially because i know I did my very best and worked my A** off. I felt strong initially and that I was doing the right thing by resigning, but I'm really struggling emotionally this week. I have applied for a couple positions locally, but nothing that I'm really excited about. Thanks to all of you for helping me with this.
Thanks for all your supportive comments guys...it is difficult not to take it personally. Rejection is tough. Especially because i know I did my very best and worked my A** off. I felt strong initially and that I was doing the right thing by resigning, but I'm really struggling emotionally this week. I have applied for a couple positions locally, but nothing that I'm really excited about. Thanks to all of you for helping me with this.
I'll just make a couple of comments based on what you've said here. First of all based on what you said here I don't think its about you. If you have been there two years its not that suddenly you are "not a good fit". In my opinion these things usually come down to two things either money or power. It may be that they have decided to get a cheaper new grad to "cut costs". It may be that you are "too popular" which threatens the managers or even the other physicians. No matter what it looks like a very unhealthy environment. I also feel that you did the right thing by giving notice since they were most likely setting you up to get rid of you no matter what you did. Thirty days is code for we need that much time to get your replacement on board.
I will point out one other issue. In your list of people there I don't see a provider (unless the clinic director is a physician). When your chain of command runs through non-providers its a clear warning that a toxic environment may exist. The people that rate your performance should always be providers.
I've lurked in these forums off and on for years, but finally signed up so that I could respond to this post...
I went through a VERY similar situation about five months ago. I too had worked my booty off and loved my office staff and patients. I had never had any bad feedback from supervisors or patients (in fact, when I left there was an uproar...including certified letters!) so I totally hear what you're saying about being blindsided.
I'm sure this will sound melodramatic to people who haven't been through this type of thing--but it was a traumatic experience. Give yourself time to grieve just as you would any other loss. The first two months were probably the worst I've experienced (unfortunately I DID have a non-compete so ended up putting my house on the market and moving as well) but things DO get better! It's so hard (impossible??) not to take it personally even when you know it's "business." I just kept reminding myself that it was for the best--I obviously didn't need to be working for such toxic people.
It sounds so cliche, but things do have a way of working out. Hang in there...it'll get better.
Oh...and in a few more months the tune of "you can take this job and shove it" will stop it's constant refrain.
It not worth your time trying to figure out what their writing says on the wall. No need to translate their motive. Use the your time left wisely and start your job search stat! Make sure you get a copy of anything that you need to take with you, just in case. You probably would feel uncomfortable working there any longer because of their unprofessional approach. It could be finances, last hired..first fired...., a position for a friend, etc. Again, just regroup and move into action. If you had a contract, review your contract and make sure you exit according to the guidelines.
It's very sad, but it just reinforces that it just doesn't pay to dedicate yourself to your job. Companies that bemoan lack of loyalty in their workers need to look inward.
lannisz
260 Posts
Thanks for all your supportive comments guys...it is difficult not to take it personally. Rejection is tough. Especially because i know I did my very best and worked my A** off. I felt strong initially and that I was doing the right thing by resigning, but I'm really struggling emotionally this week. I have applied for a couple positions locally, but nothing that I'm really excited about. Thanks to all of you for helping me with this.