Question about miscarriage

Elvish, BSN, DNP, RN, NP · Feb 4, 2008

Not well. That hasn't been my experience, but a coworker's, who struggled with seven losses in one year while working in the nursery. It was really difficult for her.

So, I can't offer you words of wisdom, but can definitely tell you you're not alone.

:icon_hug:

trmr · Feb 4, 2008

I had a miscarriage between my two children that I have now. I did not work in OB at that time, but it was still very hard. I actually was resentful to pregnant women I seen because I thought that was the end for me. I was heartborken each time I seen a brand new baby, because I should have had one too. What helped me the most was my little girl that I already had at the time. I had to focus on her and be happy and grateful for her.

I don't know what your life situation is right now, but if you have other children, focus on them. If you don't, don't give up hope, keep trying. Realize a lot of women have been through it, so you are not alone. Take one day at a time, that's all you can do, and it helps to not allow yourself to worry too much.

When I worked in OB ( before my miscarriage ) I was not very understanding of the women who had miscarriages. I can remember one woman being so devastated and I kept thinking how can she be so upset when she never heard the heart beat and barely knew she was pregnant. Now I know, I know very well how you can love someone so much even though you never heard a heart beat or barely knew you were pregnant, I know very well. In a way, I feel like the pregnancy I lost was also a blessing. Something I needed to realize what I already had.

I finally did get pregnant again about 4 months after the miscarriage, and I tell you it was the scariest pregnancy i have ever had. I was afraid every minute for 9 whole months that I would lose that baby. Even after he was born I was in tears because I was so afraid he wouldn't be healthy and something would be wrong. But he is 5 now and just like any other healthy little wild boy, and I am so thankful for him and for his sister. So just hang in there, don't give up hope. Keep believing that someday you will have that little baby in your arms that you so dearly want. In the meantime I send you my sympathies, my hugs, and a prayer......good luck :redpinkhe:redpinkhe:redpinkhe:redpinkhe

Jolie, BSN · Feb 4, 2008

I worked in NICU while undergoing fertility treatments and suffering the loss of my first pregnancy.

I guess the thing that made it "bearable" for me was theat my patients (and their families) were experiencing crises as well. They had babies, but not the healty, full termers they had anticipated and prayed for.

It is perfectly understandable that you might have difficulty supporting maternity patients when you are suffering a great loss yourself. Maybe you would benefit from a "break" from maternity for a time. Perhaps a support group would be helpful for you.

I wish you strength and peace.

jrring1019 · Feb 4, 2008

I had a 16 week loss of my little boy in October. I was just trying to doppler the heartbeat at work when I found out that he was gone. Horrible. I did not think I could handle going back to work, but it was really OK after the first night back. I was emotional about going in the room where I found out he was gone, but taking care of the patients and their babies was not bad at that time . Lots of girls at work are also pregnant, and it is a little sad to see them getting bigger and planning for their babies.

Now that I am closer to my due date and women are coming in who are due when I was...this is difficult. I find myself wondering how their baby survived and mine did not. I will not work on my due date, that would really be too much.

Overall going back to work is not as bad as you think, I did cry the first night but who wouldn't? You know how it is when someone asks you how you are doing when you are on the edge of tears anyhow? But the docs and nurses I work with are so great and understanding. They still will not let me take a pt with a loss, but I think I am OK now to do that. It is harder to take care of someone who is 34+ weeks (where I would be) especially if they do not take care of themselves or the pregnancy and still get a baby at the end.

Take all the time you need before going back. You will be OK , but not on the first day back. If you can, work a shorter shift...I worked 4 hours and it was really the best thing.

I am so sorry for your loss. Please take care of yourself.

tmulder · Feb 4, 2008

Thanks so much for your words of advice and wisdom. I am so glad that I am not crazy for feeling this way. I am so sorry for everyone who has had to go through these experiences, but, it makes me feel so much better to know that I am not alone. My husband is trying really hard to be supportive but he just doesn't "get it".

Thanks again. I was crying just now because I tried to go workout at the gym for the first time since the miscarriage and the child care section was all full until later today when I cant go. Stupid I know but I feel like a basket case. Coming here and reading these kind words dried my tears and I really can't thank you enough.

I go back to work tomorrow morning and I think it will be okay. I may end up on here every chance I get to read your stories that made me feel so much better.

klone, MSN, RN · Feb 4, 2008

It was very hard for me. The first several shifts back, I would have to excuse myself to the restroom in order to cry multiple times during the shift. I had a good friend tell everyone I worked with NOT to ask me how I was doing, because that would set me off and cause me to lose my control. It was doubly hard because there was another nurse there who was pregnant and due around the same time I would have been due. Then for several months after, I'd have good days and bad days.

Really, the only thing that "healed" me was getting pregnant again. It took almost six months for that to happen.

Take care.

avimom · Mar 27, 2008

I had 2 miscarriages during nursing school and 2 since starting in L&D/PP.

What works for me is:

1) I never count chickens anymore - after 4 miscarriages, I know better than to think I'm going to win the lottery each time.

2) I'm very lucky, I have 2 healthy children (thank G-d), so it could be much much worse.

3) When I see what some people go through go through to have kids, and the heartbreak they have to deal with, I KNOW I've been incredibly fortunate.

In a way, at work, I've become the miscarriage info lady, and I'm often assigned to people waiting for their D&C for missed abortions, since I've been in that situation a numer of times. While I wish none of my losses ever happened, I know I've learned a lot from them and I've been able to help others through it as a result.

dancingdoula · Jun 3, 2008

I know this thread is a bit old but I just wanted to say that your words have helped me a bit. I am a new graduate nurse, 2 months into orientation in the NICU. I found out yesterday that our 11 week pregnancy is not viable. I'm going for a D&C tomorrow. Since I'm new, I don't feel like I can afford to take any more time off after the procedure so I'll be going for a 12 hour night shift the night following the D&C. I'm in a new town where I don't know anyone at a new job and I'm really heartbroken. Just knowing there are other nurses who have gone through the same thing helps a little. Thank you.

Shannon

PreRN Katie · Jun 4, 2008

I am so sorry for your loss Shannon, my thoughts and prayers are with you.:redpinkhe

tvccrn, ASN, RN · Jun 5, 2008

Shannon,

My heart goes out to you. In January I had almost the same scenerio. It's hard, give yourself time to grieve. It may not be able to be right now, but do take the time. :flwrhrts: