I've had two c-sections previously and didn't have a birth plan for either one. However, everyone keeps telling me I need one since something is always forgotten. I think it's nuts, but even my doctor suggested it. So, give me your honest nursing opinions on this plan please and let me know if there's anything annoying, unnecessary, or what. Thanks in advance!
I'm having a C-section. My doctor said to write a birth plan. Here it is.
- Pre-Op: As long as my butt isn't hanging out while I waddle to the OR, we're good to go.
- Surgery: If daddy isn't taking pictures, feel free to poke him with a sharp object. If he drops my camera, call the morgue. They'll have a new body shortly.
- Extras: Tie my tubes. I'm going to have a husband, a newborn, a 5 year old, a teenager, and his entire varsity football team at my house every freaking day. I don't want any more people there. Yank the suckers out if you have to.
- Post Op: Is really boring. Can I smuggle in a book to read while they're sewing me up? I'm guessing not, but I had to try.
- The Baby: You're in charge. Family members are not. Hide behind the glass. They can't reach you there and you can pretend you can't hear them. Do whatever you need to do as far as eye drops, etc. Whatever you have on hand for her to wear for the photo is fine.
- My room: My needs for my room are very specific: Coke. Mexican food. Not your responsibility at all, but if any family members ask what they can do to "help" while they're waiting on the baby, that's the answer.
- Rowdy children: My 5 year old is high spirited. (i.e. a pain in the butt when he's bored) If he's annoying anyone, two words will take care of this . . . "Flick it." (His grandparents bought him an iPad for Christmas. His favorite game is Pocket God where you flick little island characters into a volcano. He insists on calling the game flick it. My teenager encourages this since he and his friends get a laugh out of hearing him say, "I need to flick it." I'm sorry. They're boys. It's a lost cause.)
- Feeding: I will be bottle feeding. Why? Breast fed babies are bigger. You've seen the teenager. He's 6 foot and 203 pounds. He sucks up food like a Hoover vacuum. I don't want a bigger one. (Seriously though, both I and my boys had severe lactose intolerance as infants. The pedi said it's probably safer to start out with lactose free just in case.)
- Pain meds: I'm bad about not taking any pain meds. I'm also a night owl. For some reason this combination annoyed my obgyn to the point where he threatened me with a longer stay if I didn't take the Percocet and go to sleep with my last delivery. Since I don't want to argue over it, or stay an extra night, just pry the baby out of my hands and give me something that will knock me out. You can give me something the next morning too since that second day soreness kicks you in the butt. Preferably something non-drowsy, but whatever you have is fine. Seriously. I'm only doing this so the doc won't gripe.
To recap: You're in charge. Ignore my family. And thank you all so very, very much for all you nurses do. In the words of my teen, "You guys are da bomb!"
But the responses remind of the reason why those women who genuinely do want a natural birth, get so frustrated. When you don't give a crap about anything, you get applauded. When you are genuinely trying so hard to give your baby the best of everything, you get laughed at and mocked by the staff for "trying to hard." And when you "fail," it's clearly because you set your expectations too high.
This type of birth plan will never be a failure. You aren't "trying" to do anything.That's fine if that's what you want; it's not my business. That is certainly what we, as nurses, are here for. It just makes me sad that nurses scoff at birth plans that involve the avoidance of inductions, pain medications and formula. I just want to point out that maybe we should applaud those who feel differently as well.
sparklie.lady
158 Posts
Have a painless and safe delivery! Thanks for the laugh and I wish you much joy with your new little bundle :)