Son to be hospitalized

Nurse2bSandy · Apr 16, 2003

Parenting a child with mental health issues is the hardest thing that I have ever done! I was a fairly experienced mother when we acquired our son... he came to us through the foster care system, a preemie with a horrible genetic and birth history. He did really well for the first year but then he began to show signs of his heredity. But by then it was too late... we had fallen in love with him and he was ours... his adoption was finalized right after his second birthday. It's so difficult to love achild so much... but to also look forward to the time that they are gone! Since I know that he is being well taken care of, we are trying to use this time as respite... of course, we still visit daily and in the back of my mind is the nagging that he doesn't want to be there.

He had a very rough day today, but by this evening he had pulled himself together and was fine. I didn't see him... I was in my abnormal psych class... but called him on my break. He was fine and happy... not at all like what was described to me by his autism consultant after her visit.

Renerian, take care of you! It's a lot of work caring for our kids!

renerian, BSN, RN · Apr 16, 2003

Sandy I am glad your son seems to be hanging in there. How long do they think they will keep him? Thanks for your kind words.

renerian

angelbear · Apr 16, 2003

Just wanted to let you know that I can relate. My son is physically and mentally disabled. Some of the seizure meds he has taken have caused horrible rages. Fortunately hiss meds are not causing that problem now however his seizures are not controlled. I think the hardest thing we have had to deal with is other people not understanding and at times even ridiculed us and our son. Please know that noone knows your son like you do and noone can make the decisions that you have too. I am praying for you and him. Pm me any time you need to talk.

Nurse2bSandy · Apr 16, 2003

Renarian,

He was originally scheduled to be in there for a week or up to 2, depending on what insurance would go for. We go for a family meeting today and that might be addressed.

Angelbear,

Thanks for the encouragement. I know what you mean about other people. Our son 'looks normal'... and he is big for his age and verbal. His difficulties are auditory processing and he has frequent outbursts and must be given time to 'think things through'. I don't respond to much of the outbursts, calmly reminding him that he needs to think about it. To others I am sure it looks like permissiveness and he looks like a brat. Fortunately I think that most of his reactions are a little dramatic even for a bratty 8 year old, so people are starting to realize that even though he might look like a typical 8 year old, he has some deficits.

It's very humbling as a parent!

allnurses Guide · Apr 21, 2003

This a a question for Luci or any other psych nurses . . . .as I was reading this thread, I wondered if there would be a way for a parent to "room-in" with a young child who needs the psychiatric care but would be tramatized by being away from parents.

I guess I've been thinking about the "old days" when children were put in the hospital for appy's or removal of tonsils or whatever and the hospitals would not allow parents to stay. Lots of stories about the kids being very frightened . .not only about being in the hospital but also being abandoned.

Even just 20 years ago, new moms couldn't have visitors for fear the baby would get exposed to germs. My best friend in high school had a baby a year out of school and when I went to visit her, I couldn't go in. She had to get out of bed and push the isolette down to double glass doors and we talked through the glass. Now it seems ridiculous . .

I understand parents needing a respite though. Just wondering if they could take turns staying with a very young child.

thanks

susanmary · Apr 21, 2003

Hope you are hanging in there. You are doing the best you can ... and your son is, too. Hope the family meeting went well.

Disablednurse · Apr 21, 2003

Sandy so glad to hear everything is going well. Will continue to keep your family in my prayers. Hope everything continues to go well.

lucianne · Apr 22, 2003

stevielynn,

We sometimes have parents room in with very young children (under 4--and yes we have had younger ones!) or children with severe developmental delays. Most of the time it's done so that we can work with the parents to learn to deal with their child. However, we try to avoid having parents stay unless we really need to do work with them. I've often said--not entirely joking--that someone needs to create a family inpatient unit.

One resason we generally don't allow parents to stay is that our unit is so small and most of the rooms are double rooms. If a parent rooms in, then that's a bed that's not available for a patient. Even if the parent slept on a cot, we couldn't have another child share that room. Second is that we provide milieu therapy--the setting is part of the therapy. Parents who stay on the unit don't always understand what the milieu is about. They may interfere with other children. Their children are confused about who is in charge, and harsh as it may sound, the nurses have to be in charge. Kids who don't have parents rooming in seek attention, often inappropriately, from these parents (hey, they don't set limits like the mean old staff). They may get more information about other patients than just their names (confidentiality issues). Children always act out more when their parents are around--the ones that act better send up a red flag for me--and while it is good to see that, it is very disruptive to the milieu. There are safety concerns as well. The parent who is on unit all the time runs an increased risk of being injured if there is an out-of-control child on the unit. Adults' personal items--meds, cigarette lighters, ball point pens, etc. can pose a hazard. While we try to keep these items locked up for them, it isn't always possible to keep close tabs on whether or not Mrs. Mom returned her personal items to a staff.

So, those are the main reasons why rooming in isn't feasible, at least on our unit.

Let me know if I can answer any more questions.

luci

renerian, BSN, RN · Apr 23, 2003

Sandy and angelbear my thoughts are with both of you today.

renerian

Nurse2bSandy · Apr 23, 2003

You all are so kind and I appreciate your thoughts and prayers!

Our son is actually doing better than we are at times! His meds have made his moods erratic but he seems to be calming now. He is much calmer there than at home or with us and I am realizing that it is as much the security that he feels with the structure as the meds. Because of his autism he needs a very structured schedule and although our homelife is routine, having him on a specific schedule there has shown us the importance to him to have a schedule. We brought him out for a visit on Easter and he became increasingly agitated with us. When we took him back it was like you could hear his sigh of relief. He hugged me fiercely and said "I love you mommy" and he went to his next scheduled activity. As he walked with his mental health tech I could hear him say, "I love my mommy"... but he didn't act that way with us! I think that he has come to realize that each evening he will have our undivided attention and we will play games. He goes through his day feeling secure in his schedule and knowing that he will see us after dinner and hygiene. We leave crying... he happily goes to his evening movie!

We are working to develop a schedule for him here and I have visited on the unit so that I can learn what consequences he responds to best. It's about time we had some of this training!

Now we are hoping to get his school on board... that's the hard part!

Thanks again! Sandy

MoJoeRN,C · May 1, 2003

You are learning the key to sucess to dealing with the problem. "What can I do differently to deal with the situation. The old strategies were not working. But we keep using them because that's what we knew. As we react differently to situations the reactions will also change. We cannot change another persons behavior, we can only change ours, but...as our behavior changes, the response will change which results in a change of behavior. Interesting isn't it. Kinda like putting spin on a tennis ball, to get it to come back differently.