This is what I would do. I still find some problems with it, but tried to get your thoughts organized a little better and still keep your thoughts and your voice. The paragraph that I start with "The environment of care" should probably be removed entirely from this, but you had some passion in your thoughts, so I tried to keep it. These are only suggestions, so feel free to ignore them.
My best friend wasn't expected to make it past the age of five, and she is now twenty-one years old. Struggling with a brain condition called hydrocephalus, she has endured over 300 surgeries. During this time, I have witnessed many situations in which I saw nurses play a huge role. They not only positively impacted the lives of my friend, but also her parents and her extended family. My friend formed bonds with some of the nurses that she never had with anyone else before. They were her shoulder to cry on and her call for help whenever it was needed. They were able to make her feel comfortable and turn her bad days into good ones. Recovery went by faster when she had her nurses around, and my friend would often say how much she loved the nurses who cared for her. I hope to one day have this kind of positive impact on patients, which I have witnessed so many times.
As I continue to grow and learn, my desire to achieve the nursing profession only gets stronger. The science of nursing really appeals to me. Science and math have always been two of my favorite subjects, and being able to put them both together in my future career excites me. I have a deep interest in the health sciences and being able to learn something new everyday fascinates me. Science never stops and new discoveries happen every single day. I can't wait to be apart of that.
The environment of care also animates me. Anytime I step foot into the hospital my energy just starts to flow,as the fast paced environment invigorates me. Being able to impact a complete stranger, as many nurses did with my friend, is so powerful. It is as if nurses are assisting in miracles right in front of me, aiding them along the way. As a nurse, It would truly be an honor to spread my positivity and knowledge throughout the patient's rooms, while treating them safely and effectively.
I am passionate about the challenges ahead. I realize that nursing is nothing like a 9-5 job; it's a lifetime of dedicated work, on and off of the job. Similarly, as a student, I believe one of the biggest challenges I will face in this program is time management--with clinicals, classes, and my life outside of school. It can get to be a lot, especially all at once. I will overcome this by not procrastinating; staying on top of my work, and studying the amount needed each night. I will always put my career first. I will be sure to get an organized schedule down and stick to it throughout this program and my future.
Another challenge I think that I will struggle with is not knowing absolutely everything. I will be surrounded by tons of knowledgeable students. I will overcome this by expanding my mind and accepting that I wont always know it all. I will work with my fellow classmates to learn more and help one another out. I love teamwork and I believe that is one of the greatest aspects of being a nurse.
I need a unique program that is loaded with education and learning tools to serve as my foundation in my path to becoming an exceptional nurse. I know that a solid educational foundation will complement my soft skills, as I consider myself to be patient, understanding, and determined. Being able to say, "I'm going to be a nurse" fills my heart with pride and joy.I believe that ....School of Nursing can fulfill that for me. I hope to graduate as a ....!