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parenthetical's Latest Activity

  1. parenthetical

    Losing Motivation I Never Had

    Hi everyone- this is my first time posting here and if I get even one reply I'd be more than grateful. I'm 18 years old, fresh out of high school, and currently in the second semester of a 2 year RN private diploma program considered to be one of the best in the state. In high school I always thought that I would enter a field rooted in the humanities. I did well on the debate team, was always elected to student government, was voted most likely to speak at the United Nations, scored well on multiple AP exams in the humanities. On the other end of the spectrum, I was in honors science classes throughout high school but was ecstatic if I received a 80- the highest level of math I took was Algebra II. My lower science and math grades didn't worry me all too much because I received perfect English and reading scores on both the ACT and SAT; I figured my strengths were showcased well enough. When junior year came around and it was time to begin deciding on colleges and a career, I suddenly felt like I fell into a hole. My mother is a nurse practitioner. In summary, she entered nursing after trial and error with various majors in college. Because of her experience, she believed that the best route for me to take was to enter a program with ONE goal and ONE major, so that I will not be sidetracked if I take a class that appeals to me and suddenly end up in a jobless field along the lines of Calligraphy- a very terrifying thought for a mother. I understood this and agreed to some extent- if I enter a two year nursing program I'll have my RN at the end, finish my bachelors in another year, and be ahead of the game with experience under my belt to continue my education. I didn't have much guidance as to feasible options for degrees I was actually interested in- political science has become a field saturated with students that believe anyone who can read and write can become a lawyer, English is a major that will always have the stigma of poor job prospects; I was at a complete loss for ideas. I knew that I did not want to be a nurse. Spending my life in scrubs, caring for people 12 hours at a time, and always having the "subordinate" label of a nurse on my shoulders was not something that appealed to me. After many nights of yelling, I gave in to my mother and applied to the program I am currently in, it was the only school I applied to. During my senior year I was attending evening and online classes at the local community college to finish any co-reqs that I would have to take during the program- to ease my future workload. I took the TEAS and scored a 98%- they accepted me without an interview. In the six months that I've been a "student nurse", my thoughts have changed. I definitely have MUCH more respect for nurses. I no longer subscribe as heavily to the school of thought that nurses are subordinate, but I can't shake the feeling that it's below me in the sense that it's not what I was meant to do. I don't feel that I have the overwhelming compassion or yearning to help others that's required of a nurse. I never leave clinical with a feeling of "I can't wait to have my RN!!!" as the other students voice. At least once a week I find myself scrolling through career listings or job boards outside of nursing. Should I drop out and go to a four year school to "find my passion", as other kids my age are doing? I have made friends with a few of the older students in my class- I would hate to drop out only to come back when I realize that nursing is the most stable option and lose a few years in the process. At this point my mother is talking of Medical school as being the best option. She does not listen when I say that my poor math and science background will not cut it, and does not understand that students go through pre-med tracks for a reason rather than nursing--> med school. I cannot discuss it with her because I feel ready to cry, I can't voice the fact that I know healthcare is not the field for me. At the same time, nursing is so broad a field and there's a voice in my head saying that if I continue my education, I'll find a job where I can be in the non-patient care sector. I know the general consensus on this website is against those who go into nursing with the hopes of getting out of patient care, but this is where I am right now. I'm so sorry for the long post, thank you if you read through all of this. I suppose I'm asking for any advice, suggestions, or opinions you have to offer. Thank you :)