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elomi18

elomi18

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  1. elomi18

    Is this anxiety or should I quit nursing?

    Thank you for all your comments and words of encouragement and support. I just feel like I find myself really really not liking case management and/or sitting in front of a computer for long periods of time looking and reviewing so many medical reports and meanwhile everyone is waiting for a decision to be made. I have lost a lot of my confidence partly also as you have mentioned I have not stayed long enough to really grasp the role of my position. I just don't find joy and I am trying to find the positives but I feel like I don't like the desk/sedentary job with so much paperwork to go through or electronic paperwork in that matter. But I do enjoy moving around and doing things hands-on. I find I learn better that way as I am a visual kind of person. Or maybe its really not meant to be and I can't handle the pressure and expectations of this career. I really admire everyone who really pushed through and flourished.
  2. So maybe it is more of an anxiety issue or just completely want to let go of nursing. I am a 28 yr old whose got around 5 years of nursing experience. I have tried multiple areas such as LTC (6 months),complex continuing care/palliative care (maybe 2 years and half), neurosurgery (about a year), some medicine (6 months), L&D (4 months) and recently a nurse consultant at a worker's compensation insurance company (7 months). I feel like I just can't seem to find my niche or if I am interested in it, the acuity of the unit is too much for me to handle. I am a quite shy and introverted person and until now have a hard time to talk to people especially those in authoritative positions. I have tried to practice to be more assertive but my anxieties just get to me. I have been a charge nurse and even got awarded for a leadership and innovative practice award in my hospital as one of the 9 recipients which was very surprising to me. I am the last person to think of myself as a leader! I kept moving to different units and I really thought that L&D is where I would want to be at. Actually, I much rather want to do postpartum than L&D. It was going to be my plan to be in L&D for a couple months just to understand the basics then move on to postpartum. But it did not end up happening because I received a full time permanent position as a nurse consultant. It is pretty much almost every nurse's dream I guess with the consistent Monday to Friday hours, good benefits and security and no weekends or holidays. In my current role as nurse consultant, the only interaction with a client or a worker is through a phone. So I thought with my social anxieties it would be a better option for my mental and physical health. Over time I felt like it ended up having the opposite effect. I don't feel physically healthy with the sedentary lifestyle and mentally I am even more anxious because I constantly think about what I should do next or what I should be doing the next day. I feel like treatments are often delayed because I can't make a decision whether I should cover for the treatment or not or if it is within the policy. Clients will be extremely mad at the phone conversation with me if I tell them I can't cover/pay for it or they can't be reimbursed for something. It's all about money. I feel uneasy when I think about health care and money. Even confrontations on the phone I ended up crying about later on. You would think my stress tolerance over the years would increase but I feel like I have gotten worse as a nurse... I am seeing a psychologist to help me cope but it has helped in some degree. But on top of my anxieties I seem to feel like I am just truly not enjoying it even though I know I am new and almost feel like I miss the hands on skills. I'm not the best communicator and I feel like I am able to truly show that I care for someone if I do things in a more physical manner like changing their wound dressings and giving them their medications and some teaching. I am thinking about going back to school to specialize in something but not sure on what (OB, Dialysis, palliative, OR). OR completely change my career path but still be in health care somehow like medical lab technologist but I feel like this will be a waste of time and become a disappointment to my family. Truly apologize for the rant... I just don't really know what to do and I panic when I think about work. I know nurses around the world do have it worst than me right now with the Covid because I get to work from home and I shouldn't even be complaining. But I kind of also want to be out there and helping everyone who is suffering. I definitely still have to work on my mental health and don't want to make any decisions I will regret.. I have tried to be optimistic everytime I choose to move to another unit and hope that this is where I want to be in only to feel even more disappointed...
  3. So maybe it is more of an anxiety issue or just completely want to let go of nursing. I am a 28 yr old whose got around 5 years of nursing experience. I have tried multiple areas such as LTC (6 months),complex continuing care/palliative care (maybe 2 years and half), neurosurgery (about a year), some medicine (6 months), L&D (4 months) and recently a nurse consultant at a worker's compensation insurance company (7 months). I feel like I just can't seem to find my niche or if I am interested in it, the acuity of the unit is too much for me to handle. I am a quite shy and introverted person and until now have a hard time to talk to people especially those in authoritative positions. I have tried to practice to be more assertive but my anxieties just get to me. I have been a charge nurse and even got awarded for a leadership and innovative practice award in my hospital as one of the 9 recipients which was very surprising to me. I am the last person to think of myself as a leader! I kept moving to different units and I really thought that L&D is where I would want to be at. Actually, I much rather want to do postpartum than L&D. It was going to be my plan to be in L&D for a couple months just to understand the basics then move on to postpartum. But it did not end up happening because I received a full time permanent position as a nurse consultant. It is pretty much almost every nurse's dream I guess with the consistent Monday to Friday hours, good benefits and security and no weekends or holidays. In my current role as nurse consultant, the only interaction with a client or a worker is through a phone. So I thought with my social anxieties it would be a better option for my mental and physical health. Over time I felt like it ended up having the opposite effect. I don't feel physically healthy with the sedentary lifestyle and mentally I am even more anxious because I constantly think about what I should do next or what I should be doing the next day. I feel like treatments are often delayed because I can't make a decision whether I should cover for the treatment or not or if it is within the policy. Clients will be extremely mad at the phone conversation with me if I tell them I can't cover/pay for it or they can't be reimbursed for something. It's all about money. I feel uneasy when I think about health care and money. Even confrontations on the phone I ended up crying about later on. You would think my stress tolerance over the years would increase but I feel like I have gotten worse as a nurse... I am seeing a psychologist to help me cope but it has helped in some degree. But on top of my anxieties I seem to feel like I am just truly not enjoying it even though I know I am new and almost feel like I miss the hands on skills. I'm not the best communicator and I feel like I am able to truly show that I care for someone if I do things in a more physical manner like changing their wound dressings and giving them their medications and some teaching. I am thinking about going back to school to specialize in something but not sure on what (OB, Dialysis, palliative, OR). OR completely change my career path but still be in health care somehow like medical lab technologist or health information management but I feel like this will be a waste of time and become a disappointment to my family. Truly apologize for the rant... I just don't really know what to do and I panic when I think about work. I know nurses around the world do have it worst than me right now with the Covid because I get to work from home and I shouldn't even be complaining. But I kind of also want to be out there and helping everyone who is suffering. I definitely still have to work on my mental health and don't want to make any decisions I will regret.. I have tried to be optimistic everytime I choose to move to another unit and hope that this is where I want to be in only to feel even more disappointed...
  4. elomi18

    Going back to comfort level

    Has anybody ever went back to what they are comfortable in even in a non acute place?
  5. So I had just finished my 7 months in a medicine unit and always still felt anxious and just didn't like working there even with supportive coworkers. I thought to myself that maybe medicine is really not for me as I realized I don't really perform well in a faster paced environment and a lot of things going on at the same time. I recently went back to working in my old unit (Complex continuing care with palliative care, I believe its like LTAC) before I went to medicine because its where I felt comfortable in and I felt like I always have a set routine and eases my anxiety d/t less changes. Pt's in this unit stay for a long time so I always know how my day will go and how to organize myself. Also, it's more physically tiring than it is mentally tiring which at this time think that I'd rather prefer. I've only really been working as a nurse for a little over a year. Sometimes I wish that I'd just held on a little longer in medicine because I'm still so young and have lots to learn as everyone else would say but I've been so unhappy and almost always have so much anxiety the day before, during and even after work.
  6. elomi18

    New Nurse on Paxil

    I got quite depressed just a few days ago over a small thing that I made a big deal of and I don't know what occurred to me to suddenly take triple of my dosage of Paxil on that day. Luckily I was on a small dose of 12.5 mg....
  7. elomi18

    New Nurse on Paxil

    I'm only on Paxil 12.5 mg... how is 37.5 mg on Paxil affecting your anxiety/stress?
  8. elomi18

    New Nurse on Paxil

    I would love to just be me, without the anxiety too. It's frustrating to feel this way everyday. Optimism can get me far but anxiety just pulls me down harder...
  9. elomi18

    New Nurse on Paxil

    Hi allnurses! So I've been prescribed Paxil today due to anxiety issues which I will be taking the first dose (12.5mg) tonight before I go to sleep. I've been wanting to ask allnurses, especially nurses who are or was on Paxil, what their experiences are taking it including side effects and effectiveness. I am a little nervous about taking it although my anxiety isn't severe. According to the GAD tool that my family doctor used to assess me, I have moderate anxiety. I guess I'm always a worrier and always anxious about work and what I may do wrong. I always think that it could be just a "new nurse blues" kind of anxiety. I had graduated last year and only had 5 months of LTC experience and now starting a new job in Complex Continuing Care in a hospital. I have not practiced in a hospital for 2 years now so I'm definitely very anxious to start on my first night shift (never had a night shift throughout my nursing school or the 5 months as a licensed RN). I would really to hear or read everyone's input regarding taking anti-anxiety drugs and if it's even worth taking it.
  10. elomi18

    Complex Continuing Care

    Ohhh i see.. So is it really like LTC when the RPNs usually give the meds and do wound treatments, etc and the RNs do a lot of paperwork for the most part? I know its quite similar to LTC.. But what would be some of the differences? And is it the same as LTC when there's one Charge nurse in the unit?
  11. elomi18

    Complex Continuing Care

    I'm located on Ontario, Canada and currently working in one of the hospitals in the GTA :) Ohh thats good that there's a mix of rehab, palliative, and patients waiting for LTC placement.
  12. elomi18

    Complex Continuing Care

    Hi All Nurses! So I have been just recently hired in Complex Continuing Care Unit in a hospital and I am both excited and very nervous as well since I have not practiced in a hospital for almost 2 years now since I graduated in 2014. My recent experiences have been in Long term Care for 5 months (employed as a New Grad RN) and 4 months (pre-grad experience). I have been doing a bit of research regarding what to expect from the unit, as well as feedback from others. Although, I've heard more of people saying that its a "heavy" unit and that others have advised them "not to work in CCC unit" for whatever reason. I still do keep an optimistic and hopeful experience because I believe I will get the hands-on experience I need to grow my confidence as a nurse. I would like to hear your opinion, especially those who do work in Complex Continuing Care unit regarding what would I expect to find and the skills I will learn in CCC, what your daily routine is like, and maybe perhaps what you like and dislike about CCC. I would greatly appreciate the feedback and thank you for your time.
  13. I had asked my agency if I could have a day or two to shadow a nurse (without pay) so that I could get used to or at least have an idea of how my routine should be in a floor and getting used to the hospital. They had told me that their clients may not allow job shadowing and if I want an orientation I would have to arrive an hour or 2 hours before my shift. Most likely thats just telling me where everything is. As a new grad I don't know if I should even risk taking a shift for the sake of having an experience and rely solely on just asking questions if there is something I don't know how to do.
  14. I have just recently applied to a critical care course online that runs for 8 months and hopefully will help advance and give me a better chance in getting a job *fingers crossed*
  15. I'm not sure and it's not like I completely lied about my experiences. I thought this would have been a chance to gain experience and with endless opportunities by going to different units. I did not research enough about agency nursing at the time and was a bit misinformed.
  16. Ohhh that's unfortunate... did she end up quitting agency afterwards?
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