*Everyday (thanks for messing that up autocorrect)
I mean, that's it right? No mistakes, no foul ups, customer knows best, CYA x1000, smile (always smile, even though you feel like crying), *sigh*
I promise I'm not always this cynical but these new grad blues are seriously getting to me. Been off orientation for a few weeks now and it seems like every shift my Charge nurse walks up to me with something for me to sign saying we talked about it or mentioning some small (but of course important) box I didn't checkmark in my charting the last shift I worked.
I'm developing a Pavlovian response, every time I see a Charge nurse I start sweating. Hear my Unit mgr's voice and my stomach suddenly climbs several inches north of its usual position and threatens to dump everything I ate before I came in.
I know I'm incredibly lucky. I work with the most supportive team you've ever seen. Even my manager (who has assured me I'm doing fine) is awesome. I critically think well and have had several nurses tell me after report that they never would have guessed I'm a new grad but I'm human and when I make a mistake I beat myself up so bad.
I cry on the way home. Some days I feel so lucky. I can't believe i get to do this and I feel certain that I will eventually get it. But most days I walk around with a knot in my stomach knowing im only one small mistake away from hurting/killing someone and losing the ability to be the only thing Ive ever wanted to be.
So how do you deal?