Hi! I'm replying to you mainly because all of the questions I was looking for tonight have no answers to them, which just bums me out. So I'm on here--and I'm gonna answer you! I am not yet an RN, but I have been working in health care as a home health aide for years. Here's what I know: Nursing as a field has more different kinds of jobs then you could possibly imagine yet. I've been courting the field of nursing like a dead-beat boyfriend for over a decade now, and I only just today heard about an RN who works at Volvo's headquarters. That's right. The car company. He get's Volvo's perks, wears a suit and tie to work, and mostly nurses hangovers, and paper cuts. Mind you--I am getting this story second hand. But the home health nurse who I was working with today was telling me about it trying to relay to me the very point that I'm trying to pass on to you: If you don't cope well with death, you can point your career in a less "dire" direction. (pun) The other thing to keep in mind is like with everything else, there is a learning curve. While death may be a huge trigger for you now, you might just find that you love working with people on their last leg in the long run. Hospice used to be almost a phobia for me, this summer I found myself loving working alongside the hospice nurses when things took a turn for my grandfather. I still don't think I will be going into hospice myself, but I got to see how much I've grown in that department. If you want to be a nurse don't let this one edge ruin your dreams. Every nurse I've ever asked has made it clear that they have one thing they can't cope with.
Here's another fine tip. And I think it's worth considering at any stage in your career. If something is causing that much anxiety for you, it would be worth seeking out counsel of someone you can really talk this through with. If for no other reason then to talk it out and process that stress now, when it's first coming up, rather then trying to push it down. ...I wish someone had given me the number of a good therapist after I did my first EMT training.