This is crazy to even think of, but it was suggested to me by an instructor just before I graduated. Here's a little backstory...
In my 2nd semester, I had a nursing instructor from hell. I was working my ass off like everyone else did, but definitely got targeted for weaknesses. As a result, I started suffering from anxiety which I had never experienced before in my life. Well when it came down to the final week, she had said that I didn't complete my paperwork (which she had stated we didn't need to complete all of it - just parts X and Y but not Z). Not everyone else completed it because some of us were assigned a 'trial' paperwork, but she told me she couldn't actually pass me on my final day of clinicals - which was a Friday. I had an exam the following Monday. Not only this, but my husband had deployed a few days prior. I bawled my eyes out and felt like it was the end of the world that entire weekend. I went and talked to the lead instructor on Monday before the exam and I was able to discuss exactly what happened. I got an email the following day stating that I passed clinicals and I never saw the clinical instructor again.
Next 3 clinical rotations went great. But in my final clinical rotation, I had an instructor that just did not mesh well with my personality. He was fun with all of the other students, but never with me. So when I would make a joke, he would not even flinch. I was very hurt by it and felt that he just did not like me and singled me out. He made me feel like I was failing on my paperwork every single week by his comments, yet I was getting the top grade I could on them. He literally made me feel like **** and I lost all of my confidence during that rotation (perfect timing, right before graduation!!). I started experiencing some severe anxiety where I would get tunnel visioned and I could not focus to save my life. In fact, he asked me if I had ADD or ADHD and went as far as saying I may have some form of PTSD as a result of my previous clinical rotation (I thought this was very unprofessional). My patient care was excellent, my thinking was not quite all there because I thought could never do anything right in the eyes of this instructor. I went to the doctor and I was prescribed Xanax PRN just for clinical days just to get through the rest of the rotation. It worked wonders and I definitely worked my ass off even more. In the final week, I STILL felt like I wasn't passing by how this instructor treated me. So I went to the head clinical instructor and she reassured me that everything was fine and that I was passing. I passed and I graduated.
Fast forward to now, I'm days before my NCLEX exam and I'm now suffering from some anxiety (haven't had an issue until now). I keep getting flashbacks to my worst moments in nursing school. I literally feel horrible after even thinking about my experiences. The other night, I couldn't sleep, I had palpitations (which freaked my husband out lol), and I was very nauseous because of the stressful thoughts I was having. I've gone back and forth on whether or not if I should even be an RN just because of the anxiety that this has caused me. I know I need to see a therapist and can't at the moment because I will be moving very soon. I plan to see a doctor regarding this issue when I move.
I guess I am curious if there are others that may have the same issue as a result of nursing school. Does this sound possibly like PTSD - or was my instructor just blowing smoke? I definitely know anxiety is involved but I just wanted to make sure I'm seeing the right kind of specialist when I do move.
Also, please send all positive thoughts as I complete my NCLEX in TWO days. Ahhhh! I truly can't wait to get my credentials after my name!