I sure wish I had been in a program like that. Our program was definitely brutal. I would have preferred a BSN program, but I didn't do the right research. I have a bachelor's in a non-nursing area and could have done well, had I found the right program. Our instructors bully their students. I found that difficult to tolerate. I am bitter and wish I had gone somewhere else. I am tired of school. I have tried many things. That's it. In addition, I found the hands-on aspect difficult. I am not a particularly dexterous person (even though I play three musical instruments). I can't figure out why. I was reprimanded for not learning how to put on and take off sterile gloves. It took me a while to learn how to put an ace bandage around a stump (amputated leg - phony - in nursing lab). I passed the med calculations test and my academic performance was quite good. If that were all that it took to be a nurse, I'd be doing fine. One day, I had had enough and could feel myself slipping emotionally. In the interest of self-preservation I just had to leave. I think that my situation is probably unique. Most students drop out because of academic deficiencies. That area was my strength. When I started nursing school, I considered it a journey that would probably change me for the better. I looked forward to that. But now I don't have that. I have this need to experience something life-changing (in a good way) like joining the army but I'm over the age limit for that. I am married with three children - two grown and the third in 11th grade. I was happy to have something potentially to fill the nest when it emptied. But again, I don't have that anymore. I feel a void. My motivation to find a job is nill. Thank God my husband's income suffices for the family. There is very little I'm interested in right now. I have decided to file for disability because it seems that I can't hold down a job (I have been fired many times) and I can't complete a post-graduate program. I feel like an emotional cripple. I am sensitive and have had problems with depression and anxiety with many hospitalizations. I even self-injured during a period of a few years. I don't do that anymore. Sorry for the candor, but I can be candid when no one knows my name. Verbalizing my situation seems to put it in perspective perhaps.
Any comments are welcomed. Thanks.
