i took my nclex-rn exam on february 12, 2009... if you asked me how i did i would have bet my life on it that i had failed. :stone to begin with i woke up and the day was dark and gloomy. colder than it had been the day before and the wind factor was the highest it had been since the new year. to make matters worse it started raining while i was driving down to the test center. i had been extremely nervous the whole week prior to the exam and driving there just kicked the reality of the test in my face. i had used the saunder's comprehensive study guide and the cd to study and by the time the test came i was pretty confident of the material. since most of my friends had passed at 75-110 questions i was praying that i would get the same amount and hopefully the same luck. i got to the test center pretty early but got lost in the building trying to find the suite number. i couldn't even eat breakfast because i did not have enough time. i even said the following prayer that my mom gave me before i went inside:
prayer before a test
my god, enable me to trust in the good outcome
of the test i am about to take;
help me to contribute my own share
of optimism and confidence.
with your grace, my god,
i hope to crown my efforts with success.
keep far from me at this moment
any presumption that it all depends
exclusively on me.
you are next to me, my god,
the necessary and welcome presence
in all the moments of my life.
i will take this test, my god,
because it is important
for my personal development.
my god, be the source of my inspiration
in my doubts and uncertainties,
supporting me with your blessing.
once there i was the 6th person to arrive. i took locker #7 and was of course mocked by the irony of luck. by 7:50 am i was sitting in front of a computer screen and hyperventilating. the first question stumped me... 'what the hell???' i used the first five minutes trying to get an educated guess from my quivering brain. i decided to use my time and focus deeply on the first 75 questions... the 80th question came, then the 110th... then the 150th.... 'what am i doing wrong?' the questions just kept falling and piling like snow on a mountain. i had no taken any breaks because i was extremely frightened of running out of time... my "breaks" consisted of closing my eyes and burring my face in my clammy hands for as long as a minute . by the 220th question i felt my heart in my throat and started freaking out. i wanted to take a break but i was so emotionally stressed that i knew the tears would start pouring if i left the room and it would be almost impossible for me to return to the test. i painfully swallowed the knot in my throat and told myself i had to finish. :smackingf in my mind the maximum questions for the test was 285... [don't ask me why but i always believed that...] i looked around and realized that i was the only one of about 12 people left. 'great!' by the 250-something question my anxiety took over and i knew i had to get out before i had a nervous break down. :crash_com i started reading questions at lightening speed and guessing answers without thinking. of course the test shut off at what i later found out to be the max number of questions; 265. i raised my hand and attempted to guess what i truly felt inside. :hdvwl:'relief for finishing? anger for guessing the last couple of questions? sad at the thought of having to pay, wait, and sit for the test again?' i was a fruit salad of emotions and i could not wait until i got in my car to pour my soul out. as i walked out the attendants waved goodbye "finally finished? good luck!" i could not say anything because the tears filled my eyes and i knew that my voice would squeak . i ran to my car, locked the doors and opened the folder i had brought with me. the first thing inside was a picture of my boyfriend who had left to the :usmc: marines officer candidate school just weeks before. i felt like i had let him down. i thought about the disappointment my mother and sisters would feel because i failed. "how can i tell them that i let them down?' i get home and i am bummed out. i could not even take a nap because of the stress. to make matters worse that same night on the news i find out that at around 10:30 p.m flight 3407 crashed in buffalo ny and everyone died. 'could this be the worst day ever!?' and to think that friday the 13th was just a couple of hours away. great! .... just recently i was pulling my hair out. i needed to know the results. everyone was asking and i had to tell them something. logging on to pearson vue was the worst. first my user name was wrong, then i forgot one number on my credit card, then i forgot to put the expiration date! i was second guessing myself at this time. 'should i wait the 2 weeks for the letter?' no! its 8 bucks that would at least stop me from pulling all my hair out and eating all my nails. pressing the confirm button had never been so hard. i closed my eyes shut and clicked. after 1 minute i figured it was enough time for the word "fail" to load. my heart stopped. i could swear to you that i was not breathing for 5 minutes. "grade: pass". 'what!?... could this be real? maybe i entered the wrong information and i am getting someone else's results.' nope! i did it! i passed! :w00t:my first reaction was of course: tears of joy. i cried so hard that everyone in my house came and stood in front of me waiting to hear what was wrong. the happiness overwhelmed me and i could only mumble the words "passed". my sister initially thought of my boyfriend in the marines and turned blue. i then said "i passed my test!" and she almost slapped me. :selfbonk:they all shouted and jumped and the rain of hugs and kisses started pouring. now i am writing the news to my boyfriend at base. after such a long journey it's over! thank you for all the prayers and support!
to all of you who are test takers, especially to those of you who failed before. please do not lose hope. :plsebeg:the worst thing you can do is give up. study! study! study! take it easy everyday about 100 questions or less a day and make sure you understand the material. but above all believe in yourself. remember that if you do fail, you can only become stronger and smarter and you will conquer nclex. i will pray for you all!
thank you for reading...:redpinkhe