Hi everyone, this post comes with great humility. I just need to vent in a forum where I know people can understand and, possibly, offer me some wisdom.
I was licensed August 15, 2009, as an LVN in the state of Texas. I began my nursing career at a nursing and "rehabilitation" nursing home. Everything was excellent, until I began using my "book smarts" to guide me. Then, slowly but surely, I became less and less liked by staff, especially aides, whom I expected to NOT lounge around in a resident's room for "breaks." Come December, ALL PRN (that was my title, but I began as FT) were laid off.
THE HUMILIATING PART --
I began work at a well established national rehabilitation hospital. Here I loved what I did: the hours, salary, staff, and patients. At its core, rehabilitation was "my calling." After six weeks of floor orientation, I was "let loose." Not even three weeks into my freedom I was placed back on orientation. I administered six doses of 10/325 hydrocodone within a six-hour period. This brought to question my knowledge about medication administration.
Fast-forward another month. My 90-day review comes up. I was ranked "does not meet expectations of this position." I was placed on a probationary 90-day review, where I'd spend most, if not all, of my time under the direct supervision of another nurse. The CNO even stated, "Although you are spending the longest time compared to others on orientation, consider it a learning experience."
OK, fine. I can do that.
So today - the day after this 90-day review (first day on my probationary period), I made several mistakes. First, I forgot to sign off a medication I gave. "If you were to disappear and we went through your MAR for a med pass, we would end up giving the medication twice because you neglected to sign it off." That was the CNO's example. Point taken.
Then I told my preceptor I had not collected the three blood sugars I needed to check before lunch. I then told him, "Don't worry, though - the policy and procedure guidelines state if in this case check the BS either one hour after (with an expected result
And finally, here's the kicker. I gave a blood pressure medicine to a patient with a BP of 101/58 and a pulse of 70. The parameter states, "Hold if systolic
So essentially I was told, "I can't fire you, I'll have to speak with HR on Monday." I of course cried, pleaded the many frustrations with my entire situation, and called my stay with this facility "hopeless at this point." So I was fired in a round about way, but I was not actually fired - I resigned immediately. Even if given a "second chance," how could I function in a place that would now microanalyze me so closely, that neglecting to cross a T or dot an I would probably result in termination?! So, I quit.
I just feel so pitiful right now. I always wanted to go to Med-Surg, but now I have second thoughts. If I can't even function safely in a REHAB hospital, why would I even THINK about a hospital? I'm going back to nursing homes until at least August (that will be my one-year experience) to work on my med. admin skills.
Sigh.. I don't know what to think. To do. To say. I just feel so hopeless with this career now. Everything I was taught in nursing school is for the birds. Most of it does not apply. And you're damned if you do, damned if you don't in this wonderful profession.
On a side note, I've NEVER had a patient complaint. In fact the CNO said my customer service skills often exceed expectatons, so at least I've mastered that. But anyone can do that. If only I were a REAL nurse. :(