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RecoveringKite's Latest Activity

  1. RecoveringKite

    It'll Be Alright. God's With Them.

    Alyx: Thank you so much for your reply. Sometimes as a parent, I feel so alone in my worries. Its nice to hear others with similar fears. But no matter what...I know WE will all be alright with God's grace. I will also keep you and your daughter in my prayers. God Bless
  2. RecoveringKite

    It'll Be Alright. God's With Them.

    About 2 years ago I was working in a local CCU in Baltimore. This was a very dark time in my life. My 23-year marriage had broken up over a cheating husband. I had moved back to Baltimore with my parents for a while. My 2 daughters felt displaced and broken also. We were a very close family...and this had taken a devastating toll on all of us. I had to pull my youngest daughter out of college in WVA, due to months of vomiting and diarrhea. I moved her in with her sister in Harrisburg. She became weak and withdrawn. My oldest daughter was living and working in Harrisburg, PA. She was also going to college part-time. She had become angry and solemn. Both their personalities had taken drastic turns. Before, they were both so optimistic and happy. They were adventurous and outgoing...and couldn't wait to get out on their own and start living life as an independent young woman. I was visiting them one weekend in Harrisburg. I would cook for them, and clean and do laundry, trying to restore some sort of normal family life in this time of uncertainty. Something felt very wrong that weekend though. I couldn't put my finger on it, but I felt it so deep in my soul that I couldn't ignore it. I kept questioning both of them with no clear answers. The really strange thing was that both my daughters and I were never modest around each other. We always would try on clothes, go in an out of the bathrooms when we were showering or undressed. Now, my oldest daughter would lock the bathroom door, wear long pants and long sleeves and never allow me to see any part of her body uncovered. I told her of my feelings. She tried to reassure me, but I wasn't buying it. Ever since she was a little girl, whenever she saw someone sad or hurt...she had this thing she would do. She would say, "It'll be Alright"..."It'll be Alright". She would say it in her PA Dutch accent, drawing out the words slow and reassuring. She carried that saying all through her childhood, through her teens and now into being a young adult. I was working one weekend. It was my third 7p-7a shift in a Baltimore CCU. I was weary and worried. I remember praying for my girls on the way to work. Right before I had pulled into the parking lot, my oldest daughter called me crying. She had admitted she starting "cutting herself" out of despair. She was cutting her upper arms and thighs in the bathtub, whenever the pain in her heart had become too great to bare. She told me that she confided in a friend of hers and that she was helping her and was going to take her to a counselor tomorrow. She assured me she would be okay, but my heart was broken that I couldn't go to her. I went into work. I had the same patients for the 3 nights I worked. Two were recovering and were able to talk and communicate well. They were stable and on their way out of the CCU within the next couple of days. My third patient was an elderly woman who had a CVA. She was weaned off the ventilator a few days earlier but was aphasic and nearly catatonic. She barely responded to any stimuli with no visual tracking. Still, I always talked with her when in the room. I would try and evaluate her VS's hourly for S&S of increased pain, suctioning needs, etc. since she was unable to verbalize her needs. About 2 am I was in her room. The television was on...and one of those "Birthing Baby" shows was on. A woman had just had her second daughter and I was talking with my patient telling her I had 2 daughters. Off course she just stared into space, but I continued to talk, telling her about my girls. I was telling her how sad they were lately. I walked over to her bed and was brushing her hair out of her face. I looked in her face and for a second something was strange. Her eyes moved to the right, tracking mine. She opened her mouth and said, "It'll be Alright, It'll be Alright." It was my Daughter's slow drawn PA Dutch accent. She smiled and looked into my eyes. I can't remember what I had in my hands, but I dropped it. My knees buckled, I laid my head in my hands on the side of her bed and sobbed. Every emotion I was storing up over the past months was released. I knew it was an angel speaking through her. I cried out to God, "I have to give this all to you now because I can't do it alone anymore." It was instant. I felt a calm I had not felt in months. I found solace in those gentle words, and I knew it was the hand of our Lord that wrapped me in his loving arms and filled my heart with strength and comfort. It was a long difficult road, but we are all doing wonderfully now. But after that night, no matter, whatever happens, I know that with God's love, "It'll be Alright."
  3. RecoveringKite

    Best Corrections Trauma Story and/or "Man Down" Story

    I have one. I had a patient in an IMC unit. ETOH withdrawel with no cardiac hx. Of course had not been to a Dr. for 40 yrs. Thank God he was on a monitor. I was walking down the hall to check on him when my beeper went off and was showing V tach. I walked in the room with a colleague and looked at him...he looked purple. I told the other Nurse to turn on the light and sure enough he was in Vtach and down. I threw the head of his bed down and started CPR. I told the other Nurse to get the ambu bag. She left me and never came back...she ran down the hall to tell the other Nurses I needed help. I COULD NOT BELIEVE IT!!! So I did chest compressions and yelled for help...thank GOD another Nurse came running in with the ambu bag. Anyway...we coded him...shocked him, transferred him to CCU. He coded again several times. I had a pretty good repore with his family (sons) so I called his one son and told him he needed to come now. I had not heard anything later that evening or the next day...I thought he died since his son never came back to talk with me. About 2 weeks later I was coming out of the stock closet at the beginning of my shift, when a man came up to me and said "Remember me?" I said vaguely (he was the second son and I did not have much contact with him) He said, "I need to show you something". He took me in the room, and behold,...there was my patient sitting up in bed. As soon as he smiled at me I started crying. That never happened to me before. I couldn't believe it. He said " You're the one that broke my ribs?" I said, probably. I really thought he had died. He thanked me and we talked about "this being his second chance." He said he would never touch etoh again. I lost track of him after discharge. I think of this story often, and it helps.
  4. RecoveringKite

    I need to tell my story

    Hello, I am an RN of 12 years. I started Nursing school when I was 32 years old. I worked part time and went to school full time for 4 yrs. I had a Husband and 2 little girls. I was always a strong woman. I prided myself on not having an addictive personality, whether it be to drugs, etoh, men etc. I always was in control. One week after I graduated Nursing school, after my graduation party, my Husband told me he wanted a divorce. I was devistated. I found out he was having an affair, and it wasn't the first.(I was blind). He found out the new woman wasn't as exciting as he thought after we all found out. We worked things out with help and counseling, but things were never the same. We managed to stay together. My daughters graduated HS and started college. He wanted to move to WVA...so we bought 10 acres and built a house. I worked at a Hosp. in VA. My husband did not work for 8 months because he was finishing the house so we could move in. We stayed with my Aunt and Uncle for 4 months while he was working on the house. This woman was like my Sister and my best friend. She called me everyday after I moved out and into my new house. My youngest daughter moved to WVA to go to college close to us. She came home on weekends. I have always been very close to my girls. My oldest daughter moved in with her boyfriend in PA. One year after living in the house, my husband began saying he wanted to move back to PA to be near his aging parents. I was confused, because he planned on moving them up with us, after the basement was done. My youngest daughter was home for the summer, and we both were feeling something not right. After months of telling me we need to move, I gave in in August of that year. We had one week between settlement on the sale of the home in WVA and the purchase of our home back in PA. We decided to take our girls on vacation. We packed up and went to Outer Banks for the week. We were to be there Sunday til Saturday. Monday night, I noticed my Husband would not bring his cell phone into the home we rented. That was odd. So at about 2am Tuesday morning, I went to his car, and got his phone. I listened to the messages and there it was again. 4 messages from a woman named Christine. It was like dejavue. The next morning, I told him I knew. I made him tell our daughters and we packed up and went back to WVA. We were all devastated. The next day, I was helping pack. I went to take a bird house down off the front porch and was stung by about 6 bees. I thought, my GOD what am I doing. I called my parent in MD and told them what was going on, and they told me to come home. I left that day, and never went back...but the break up nearly destroyed me. I felt stupid, used, worthless. I talked my old Nurse Mgr. in PA to take me back. I lived in MD and worked 3 days a week. I began aching and throbbing all over. I told everyone I was okay...but I felt like I was dying and did not know why. One night at work, I got a very upsetting phone call, and that was it. I gave one of my patients their IV narcotic and I used the rest. After that it was a descent to hell. Over the next 2 weeks, on the 3 days I worked used every time...I never took any home with me though. After the 3rd week, my Mgr. called me in her office and told me what was brought to her attention. I was pulling out narcotics for other Nurses patients. She cried. She thought I was stock piling the drugs to kill myself. She helped me get into the PA recovery plan. I was set up with a counselor and had random drug screen which were always negative. The problem now was, I was unemployed and had to pay $100 every other week for the counselor, and pay for the random drug screen. I could not work in PA as a Nurse. I called my old job in WVA and told them I could come back 3 days a week and a friend said I could stay with her. I knew I wasn't suppose to do this...but I needed money. The same happened there, after 3 weeks. I was making trips from MD, to PA to WVA every 4 days. I was driving my self insane with guilt, fear, pain, regret. I had no dignity, no pride. I didn't care about myself anymore. I lost my job in WVA for the drug divertion...WVA took my license. PA has not taken my license yet because I was in the program...but I soon stopped the program because I couldn't afford it. I had gone to MD to get a Nursing License and suprise I got one. I guess because while in PA, there were no marks against my license while I was in the program. I have worked for 2 years in MD. I stopped the IV drug use. I started having incredible pain in my joints and muscles. I couldn't get around it. I went to a Rheumatologist. I was tested for Lupus, RA and other things. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, DJD, lupus was inconclusive. The Dr. prescribed a battery of meds, including Vicodin 10/325. I took 240 per months for the past 3 years. I have been working steadily and not diverting and meds from work. 3 weeks ago, I rode to CVS to obtain a refill of my meds. I was detained and arrested by the DEA and police under suspician of selling the narcotics. I was completely devistated. I had never ever done such a thing. Those pills were like gold to me. The good thing on my side, is that I never physically took the prescriptions to the pharmacy, they were always faxed by my Dr. But now I have to get an attorney to prove my innocence. I stopped taking all of my meds 2 1/2 weeks ago, cold turkey. I spent the first and second weekends of the withdrawel process in the hospital with severe hypertension...then orthostatic hypotension, It was awful. I can't believe where I am. I had to quit my job because I was so sick...and I did not want to tell them why. Now I can't get a job because of the felony arrest, until that is cleared up. Im completely off the meds, I have contacted an attorney...but where do I go from here? Oh, I forgot to mention...I did get remarried 1 years ago to a wonderful man, whom was my dear friend for many years. He is very loving and supportive as are my daughters and family....but it has taken me this long to truly admit my problem...and I still have so many issues to deal with. Where do I start? sorry this is so long