Big woo! No pillows. I don't remember that being a standard of care. Sometimes rooms aren't spotless. Should they be? yes, but alas reality prevails.
Our society has been deceived! We believe we should never have to wait, never experience anxiety or pain, every complaint is legitimate, bad outcomes always means someone dropped the ball, and people are as sick as they think they are. And the media is partly to blame for this crap.
OP- you are doing just fine. I believe you realize that it is not about us. We can't always be Suzy Sunshine. Frankly I would rather have Nurse Ratchet and Dr. Mean who know their stuff than than Nurse Perfect Personality who is an idiot. Do your best, and right in the middle of a crisis situation when it dawns on you that you are making a difference in whether this patient lives or dies- remember THAT is why you go to work.
BTW...I just read what I wrote and it is soooo obvious to me that the past two days at work have been wretched.