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Aliceozwalker

Aliceozwalker

Under 4 months of nursing.
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Aliceozwalker specializes in Under 4 months of nursing..

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  1. Aliceozwalker

    Extreme Anxiety and Nursing

    Responses: beentheredonethat: Honestly, if it weren't for the pandemic and my future plans to get a master's degree, this would be my plan. But to my knowledge, if I am interested in any post-secondary I should stick to bedside as much as I can for another year. speedynurse- The community job I am at does pay less but I did get a dollar raise this year. The community job does also not have the ability for me to put money towards a pension, which the hospital offers and is considered essential to me from a future income/stability standpoint. Hence why I always stuck the two out. themoonismylantern- Thank you so much for your kind words. I am sorry to hear that you also struggled but am glad that you found a better workplace that fit for you. If it wasn't for the pandemic, moving units in the hospital would be easier. As it is, they have actually blocked some people from moving to certain units and such which is crazy to think about. (ICU nurse tried to move units and the hospital denied her applications citing that the unit absolutely needed her and she could be moved when the pandemic was over basically). They couldn't do this if I switched hospitals but the hospital is literally a 10 minutes drive to my house with the next closest being close to 30. I'm also not convinced that at this moment switching units would help anyways, every unit seems crazy busy right now and I would be with new staff/new setting. I think my best bet is to so some shifts at the hospital while starting to do more in the community which is actually a lot more chill at the moment. Davey Do- Thank you so much for sharing your story and strategies. I agree with you that this is something that should also be my focus. As it is hard for me to change my environment I need to get better at self-care and finding some semblance of structure in my life.
  2. Aliceozwalker

    Extreme Anxiety and Nursing

    Thank you so much for all of the replies! It really makes me feel appreciated and valued so honestly, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I will write a general response here, then respond to you one at a time. Yesterday, I was moved to float in the ICU which really terrified me as I am a pretty new nurse. However, it was maybe a good thing as there I had some heart to heart with other nurses in the ICU and other nurses who were pulled from their units as well to float. The general consensus from all of us is that bedside nursing in the hospital is bad everywhere right now. A lot of nurses are telling me that as a new grad it would be hard to find a year that was worse to start in over the past 20 or so years. I think a lot of us are struggling, even those who don't have mental health issues, to begin with. I decided that even if I were to start a new job now, I would likely hit the ground running there too and may still feel anxious. Plus, I do want to eventually go and get either my master's or become a nurse practitioner so that I'm not necessarily tied to bedside quite as much and could instead do research/teaching/set patients. The only reason I have stayed with this job as long as I have is that most universities require a minimum of 2 years of bedside nursing. I felt it would look good to have hospital and community experience on the resume plus I honestly could never do hospital alone without having panic attacks and such. Partially from a sense of obligation and partially because of my future career goals I have decided to stick it out BUT with much stricter guidelines on myself or I will never make it without breaking down at some point. I used to work a lot of 48hour weeks between the two jobs but while the pandemic is on, I'm setting that to no more than 40hrs with no more than 24hrs being at the hospital. I may also ask for a low-level anti-anxiety medication for when I do need it. When the pandemic is over around March or April, I will look into solutions for switching units at the very least and ultimately as soon as I have my two years applying for a masters/nurse practitioner license asap. This way while I will still feel dread and get anxious before work, it is not a constant feeling due to so many shifts and I can also focus more on self-care with the extra eight hours or more in my week.
  3. Aliceozwalker

    Extreme Anxiety and Nursing

    Good afternoon everyone, Sorry in advance for the long post. I am looking for support on what to do in this situation. For background information, I have been a nurse for exactly one year now. I am currently working as a nurse at two locations (a busy medical floor at the hospital and in the community). I have diagnosed generalized social anxiety, social anxiety disorder and a history of depression. I have had five suicidal people who I was close to in my life, one of which who did hang themselves while I was in university (this all becomes relevant to the post). 2020 was a very challenging time as I feel it was for a lot of people. I started nursing by myself in February and felt extremely blue for a while and felt the patient loads at the hospital were very intense. In April, I had a panic attack while at work (hospital) and was sent home. My manager then called me and told me that I should go on short-term disability and seek some professional help. I did get a psychologist and saw them every week for 2 months, I currently see them once a month as therapy is expensive and not covered. However, recently another patient came forward and told me a similar "If I die it is all your fault" sort of statement and again I did get triggered and went into this almost panic state loop for a full 24 hours and called in sick. I have talked to my therapist about it and she states that it is a fear-based reaction surrounded in guilt for not being able to save or help the suicidal people in my life toppled with my already high level of anxiety. We are looking into trying to help me with this problem but she states I will likely always be an anxious person. The issue is that even after a year at the job, I feel frustrated as I still have extremely bad anxiety when going into the hospital and a bit at the hospice. I have to practically drug myself (9mg of melatonin and 50mg of gravol) to fall asleep before day shifts as if I don't I will wake 5-6 times over the night or have a nightmare and wake up in a panicked state unable to get back to sleep. When I do go to work, I feel sick for the first few hours before and during my shift. It's not unusual for me to feel nauseous, lightheaded, dry heave, get a pounding headache, etc. I feel a sense of dread every time before I go to work and have gained 25 pounds since starting nursing. While on my shift, I can't relax and often spend my time charting during my breaks. I had hoped that my symptoms would get better as time went on as new grad nerves can be a thing. My psychologist states that I do have a pattern of avoidance and worries that if I leave the hospital job that it won't really help me overall since wherever I go my anxiety still follows. I'm just not really sure what to do at this point. I spent five years getting my degree in nursing and worry that even if I switch professions that the anxiety will still be there. On the flip side maybe there is an environment that isn't so fast-paced, with no knowledge of what you are walking into day by day. I'm curious as to what other people who struggled with anxiety or mental health do to keep going on. I'm starting to wish that I got sick or injured so that I wouldn't have to go in anymore. Any suggestions, insights or personal experienced would be much appreciated.
  4. I could really use some advice about anyone who was severely anxious and unsure about their career after joining. A bit of background information. I have always struggled to know what I wanted to do ever since I was in elementary school. I was so unsure that after high school I actually took a super senior year...not because of my marks (graduated with honours) but to literally try to figure out what I wanted to do. I should also mention that during high school I suffered from severe depression, social anxiety, generalized anxiety, along with a few other chronic health conditions and didn't really get to explore who I was. I eventually decided on nursing literally due to a friend who said she believed that it would be a good choice for me, the job stability and decent earnings. I am 24 years old and recently graduated with my four-year university nursing degree, which actually took me five years as I had to repeat a nursing course. I really struggled in university with staying motivated though my marks were relatively good my final two years. Recently I have started my first job at a hospital and also work somewhere else (not nursing) to get full-time hours. My parents keep telling me how I seem back on track with my life but truth be told I am really not liking my job. Because of the shift work and stress of the job my chronic health conditions have flared out of control (IBS and an Immune disorder). I have started losing my hair again as I do when I get stressed, began to gain weight rapidly (gaining up to seven pounds a month), and am constantly feeling very ill before work (vomiting before my shifts, feeling freezing cold, irritable, etc). It's gotten so bad that my manager has taken me aside saying that I look "sick" whenever I show up to work and that he was worried I was seriously ill. I know that part of this is definitely related to anxiety about the job. I feel completely incompetent and I know that some of it is just first nursing nerves. But I literally dread every shift and keep telling myself I just have to get through two years until I can then explore other options in the field perhaps. My parents want me to move to full-time hours at the hospital, but with the way things are going now, I can't imagine doing that without falling into another severe depression. It's bad enough doing 1-2 shifts a week at the hospital, I can't imagine doing 4. I'm so anxious during and after my shifts that I have started trending towards unhealthy coping mechanisms (oversleeping, overeating and watching TV) whenever I can just to avoid thinking about work. Just wondering if anyone else had similar concerns with their job when they first started. If so what did you do?