Aliceozwalker

OP here. Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to reply. I really appreciate all of your feedback and advice. My mental health issues can be debilitating. I have been dealing with anxiety and depression issues ever since I was a child. Unfortunately, several people in my life have been suicidal or committed suicide. This happened in university, for the most part, had it happened sooner I likely wouldn't have gone into nursing. This has led to me becoming extremely anxious and worried about my patient's safety probably to an almost paranoid degree. I feel responsible for their lives and if I feel something is affecting that I become flustered and nervous. I feel that I am annoying my coworkers with my questions and concerns over patients' labwork/vitals/etc. I have reoccurring nightmares of patients/people needing me to help them and me being unable to rescue them. I have seen several psychologists and doctors. The reality is psychologists are very expensive and I don't feel I have the money to see one frequently. I don't have any sort of coverage to pay for one since I have been doing full-time hours with a part-time job since I started nursing. My mental health issues have been going on for years and I could be spending the majority of the money I make for services that have never really helped in any significant way. That's not to say I won't try, I did ask my psychologist to be referred to an anxiety clinic. I have gone on short term disability for a month at my previous job. It didn't really change anything and I just got anxious about how my skills would regress upon returning to work. Several people in my life also think I am putting too much stock in the job being the issue over the anxiety/ depression. It's hard to explain but I do feel that nursing is making things worse. Working with patients feeds my anxiety to a high degree. It's like my mental health issues are a small fire that I can somewhat manage outside of nursing. But work is the gasoline over the fire that makes things begin to burn outside of my control. Nursing plays into a lot of my deepest fears of not being able to protect people and yet being responsible for their lives. I think I would be happier in a job where I could be by myself more and not have to face people all day. I'm not 100% sure that changing jobs/careers will fix things but I do feel it will make things a bit better. I just feel I have to try something else to bring down my anxiety on a daily basis as I can't imagine continuing on like this for years to come.

Some of you may remember me from some of my previous posts. I have been a nurse for about 2.5 years now and have hated most of it. I began in an inpatient unit while I did hospice and then switched to a clinic. I was very hopeful that the new clinic job but things are going poorly. My mental and physical health continues to deteriorate. I am up to 170 pounds from 127 when I started nursing. I haven't been able to hold a relationship and have lost most of the friends I've had. Most of my days off I stay at home and feel so exhausted in the mornings I normally stay in bed for a few hours before getting up. My family held an intervention last week saying how concerned they were and said I can't continue on like this. I told them that I really do feel that nursing is swallowing me into this dark hole and that I am falling back into a depression with high levels of anxiety. My clinic works 12-hour shifts and doesn't get breaks until all the patients leave which is about 5-6 pm. Even then we normally don't get our full breaks, maybe 10 minutes or so. There are a lot of issues with the way the clinic is run and I've begun to fear for my patients and my license on multiple occasions. When I talked to my psychologist about this back in January he strongly suggested that I stay in the clinic for a year. I stayed at my previous nursing jobs for 1.5 years and 1 year exactly and he was a bit concerned about me being hired somewhere else. However, last week was sort of a realization point that I realized I have to be out of this job ASAP. I have decided that I am leaving bedside nursing and want to apply for more deskwork nursing jobs (such as nurse consultant) to see if that is any better. If things still don't improve I am going to be leaving the profession altogether. Nursing is honestly destroying my life, it was not a good choice of a field for me given my social anxiety and history of depression. All this being said, me leaving this current job is not going to go over well. My old manager switched me to this clinic as a favour and vouched for me as he knew I was struggling mentally there too. He will not be willing to give me another reference once I hear I left this job in under a year and I doubt management at this job will either. They also gave me over a month of orientation as I was quite new as a nurse, which makes the situation all the worse. There are also issues with staffing if I leave. We are just staffed enough to cover every shift exactly. There is a new staff member starting but not for another month and then they need the month of orientation. We were told that they were hired to cover for our vacations. If I leave soon, the staff will have a big issue with covering vacations and I will be deeply resented. I was to leave burning as few bridges as possible. I haven't told my current job any of my issues with mental health but am reluctant to list that as my reason for leaving. How would you proceed with quitting this job? Would you let the company know now that I am planning on leaving so they have a month or so to find someone? Should I wait until I have another job offer then quit giving them two weeks' notice? And what should I say when they ask me my reasons for leaving?

Thank you all for such well thought out and written perspectives. I'm sorry I haven't written back in such a long time, honestly, the only way I could cope was not thinking about the future for a while. I am a huge introvert and do have social anxiety. I think that overall, nursing might not have been the best choice for me. But the reality of the situation is that no job may be that great for me due to my social anxiety. I once saw a career counsellor who was honestly a bit stumped on what I should do for a job. I have a learning disability in math which puts out quite a few careers, including most businesses. My social anxiety limits a ton of others as well. I always liked the arts but you need talent in that area to make a living which I will be honest, I don't have. Nursing was honestly more of a fallback plan as I wanted a job that I could make a living at that was possible for me to do. I have booked a meeting with my psychologist. She may be able to open her thoughts about some other avenues or ideas for me.

Hello. I have been in nursing for a little over two years and I'm going to be honest... it has been a truly terrible experience. So much so that I'm reconsidering the profession. To be fair, some if not most of this is definitely on COVID. But everyone keeps saying that things will get better for nurses while things get worse and worse. About two years ago I started on an inpatient medicine unit and it was honestly the worst year of my life including a year in high school when I had major depression. I gained 30 pounds that year, had severe severe anxiety and was so miserable that I honestly wished that I could be seriously injured just so I didn't have to work anymore. I literally hated my job. About a year and a half later I was finally able to get out to what seemed like a dream job in a hospital clinic. I promised to myself that I would never work inpatient again it was so awful. I have been at my new job for 8 months and things have definitely been better for the most part. I don't love the job but it's tolerable. The one thing that always shocked me is that we never get breaks. Ever. The other nurses in the clinic have accepted that and told me that it just "isn't possible and part of the job". Since we do 12 hour days, that means I can go 12-13 hours without eating but they all do it. I was actually relatively okay with all this until things recently took a bad turn with Omicron. Several of the staff nurses in my clinic only have one or two vaccines. I have all three vaccines. Two days ago I wasn't feeling well. I had a headache, sore throat and diarrhoea. At this job, I have never called in sick for all 8 months. The charge nurse called me back when I left a message and told me that 5 staff members had been tested positive for COVID. I was shocked as no one had said anything to me up till that point and that it isn't considered an outbreak considering how small the clinic is. They asked me to come in immediately to get tested then call them once the result was back. I did get tested and it came back negative within 6 hours. Once it came back negative I called them back and work immediately told me to come back in. The clinic that I work in needs a specific course and very few nurses have it sadly so the usual nursing emergency sick call team can't cover it. They weren't able to get anyone else and were "extremely short-staffed". I was annoyed as I still felt like crap but came in anyway. Since then it has been, to be frank, a *** show since we are so short-staffed. We have been working 14 hour days, only being able to eat once in that period after the patients leave. Patients have been extremely upset since we are keeping them waiting 2-3 hours on average past their appointment time. Several have yelled at us. Management had no solutions since the nurses need that course to work there. There isn't anyone else to cover. What annoys me more than anything is that the person who first got sick was someone who only had one vaccine then went to a big party on New Year's eve. It almost feels like us triple vaccination nurses are being punished for getting the vaccine as the others have time off to recover. I am trying to be reasonable but between my time in inpatient and now all the risks to my safety and health again here, I have just had enough. I am tired of feeling like a human punching bag and holding up the crumbling health care system. I am being told over and over that things will get better but nothing has really changed in the 2 years and I don't know how much more of this I can take. The issue is, of course, I am not sure what else to do. I am 27 so starting a new degree would be catastrophic for my long term financial success. I am considering applying to other jobs outside of my degree but really don't know how that would work especially with the way the economy is now. Any solutions, stories about what you are going through or advice would be much appreciated.

Hi everyone, I know that some people have been following my posts, and I did mention that I would post when I had some news. Five weeks ago a full-time position was posted for the clinic at the hospital I work at (hospital pay, 9-5, Mon-Fri). I applied and then things got even worse. My mom had heart trouble and went to emerg, another relative got a cancer diagnosis, my main hospital position lost 5 staff members in a month period, my second job has a major issue with a family member and my health only got worse due to all the stress. I literally had a moment where I was crying in my car and saying to myself how I just simply could not hold up anymore and was considering going to casual nursing. Then they offered me the full-time clinic position. Words cannot express how happy I was. I was trying not to get choked up I was so happy when my manager called me to tell me. I was so so happy to be moving away from mostly all nights and a unit that I dreaded going to every time, no matter how lovely the staff was. Well, I didn't want to post until I started my clinic position, which I did, and it is already making such a difference. I have been there for about two weeks. I still do stay late, but I did at my old job and I am still learning. I do feel that the learning curve is huge, but none of the patients are confused/need to be lifted/delirious and I'm finding I prefer this patient population so much better. If I don't like a patient, I am with them for only 3 hours a day max, not 12. I have already started losing weight, as I have fallen into a routine of exercising after work and making a healthy lunch when I get home for the next day. My parents/doctors/psychologists are all pretty astonished at how much I am improving so rapidly, both in terms of my physical health and mental. I know that not every day will be amazing and there will definitely still be changes. But I am doing a lot better. I want to thank everyone for all the amazing advice they gave me on here and for helping me through a really challenging time. For new grads out there, there is some hope. My only concern now is I am 100% convinced that I never want to do rotating 12hr days to nights again. Ever. I pretty strictly want clinic work in a hospital from now on or any other position that offers me a 40-48 hour work week on strictly days. I am realizing I am definitely a routine person, and as much as I tried shift work it really is not healthy for me. Realistically, do you think it is possible for me to accomplish this in my nursing career? Pretty much everyone who knows me is telling me that going back to shift work at any point in the future would be a huge mistake considering how much better I am doing now.

I am so sorry to be posting again so soon but a situation just happened that has led to me considering leaving both nursing jobs. This job is definitely the better of the two under normal circumstances. All staff members at my community job received a message from our manager today. Apparently, the relative from a patient (pt was homeless) who recently died found out that their loved one passed away in our facility and wants the patient's belongings. Since the government was actually involved with this patient and their funeral expenses they stated we needed to hold onto the belongings as they sorted through some things. This led the family member to become enraged when they heard and they started calling the facility screaming/cursing twice so far. The relative was described as sounding "not all there" and possibly "under the influence of alcohol or drugs". The family member has now started showing up on the premises, pounding on the door. The family member is big, aggressive and we are apparently supposed to contact police if they show up again. The community facility is a very isolated area and there is little to no security. On night shifts, I am in charge and am alone with only two other staff members who are middle-aged women. There is no panic button or alarm system. My parents flipped when they heard this story, particularly because it hasn't been the first time something potentially violent has happened. The first incident was that a staff members car was on fire during a night shift. They didn't find the cause of the fire, and the incident was actually in the local newspaper. To be 100% fair this could have been something that the coworker might have done accidentally. The second incident was a man was seen touching himself in the parking lot and asked a staff member "why so many women were going in and out of the building." Sufficient to say, the police were called for the second incident and hauled the guy away. For about two weeks after they started sending patrol cars but then stopped. My mom is saying that she no longer feels the community facility is safe and wants me to quit immediately. She feels that not enough is being done when these incidents happen and the perpetrators always walk. While incidents have happened at the hospital job they have never been as intense as security has always rushed over to help. But for those who know me, I was actually trying to pick up more hours at the facility so as to avoid the med-surg position which I have come to absolutely hate due to the workload. I just really don't know what to do at this point, I don't know if I really should quit my job over this or if it's something (sadly) that a lot of nurses go through and just stick through. I can't believe I am now in a position of not feeling secure in either job and am honestly considering looking into other career paths. What is your honest take on the situation? Would you be honestly leaving the community job or sticking it out? For anyone who has been through something similar, what did you do?

Thank you so much for always responding, SmilingBluEyes and LibraNurse27. ? My parents are really pushing for me to stay part-time until December unless I find another position. At that point, I will have completed two years at the hospital and spent about 7 months looking if I haven't found something. Their point is that the position the manager offered me at the clinic was set for around that time frame. If he hasn't offered it to me and I haven't found anything else they are fine with me switching to casual. They mentioned to me that right now it is best for the long-term to save as much money as I can until December while I look and then switch to casual in December while they provide for me. But they want me to give the job search more of a chance which is fair since they are covering most of my costs.

I wish my anxiety was getting better the more experienced I got but if anything it feels like it's gotten worse. This also puzzles my psychologist but it could be that the more experienced I get, the more responsibility and difficult patients I get, especially with so many new grads on the unit. I honestly could not pick up any more hours at the hospice due to the new staff they hired. I am casual so the part-time staff get their hours first and they are fully staffed now at the hospice. I definitely pick up all the shifts I can. I am still applying to new jobs every day so hopefully, something will pan out. I do still live with my parents so at least for now it makes sense to stay in the area. My parents are supportive, but they want me to stay part-time at the hospital until December of this year, unless I find another job. They are not charging me rent or anything but do want me to be saving a decent amount every month. That being said, they have said that I can 100% stay with them until I fall into a more stable role. It sounds like we are in similar boats so I wish you all the best luck! I will for sure post if something pans out. ?

I actually don't live in the US. Where I live has universal free healthcare, so often nursing rates at the hospital are set based on the area across hospitals. In short, all hospitals and every unit make the same in a particular area. This has begun an issue of people wanting to go to hospital clinics and such in droves, as why wouldn't you in you make the same as in emerg or med-surg? This has particularly been a major issue with nurses leaving the ICU to the degree that an emergency mandate was issued stating that hospitals could keep move staff to whatever unit they wanted during COVID. They started pulling staff off floors to help in the ICU since they were so short (myself included) but that began to leaves medical floors short as well. While I like free healthcare for all, it definitely has its issues as well. Community does often pay less tho and at ranging prices so doesn't seem quite as strictly regulated by the country.

Hello! I post fairly regularly on this site but haven't posted in about three weeks. I figured would make a post as to where I was at since there were some concerns. As several members suggested before I followed up with both my MD and psychologist. My MD sent me for some blood work which came back normal. I am also getting a sleep study done but it isn't set for another 2 months. My health hasn't been great but I am still working full-time night hours between the two jobs until I figure things out. My health concerns for those who haven't read previous posts include; Heart rate in the 140s while sitting before work, heart palpitations, alternating constipation/diarrhoea ranging up to 7 BMs a day, 20+ pounds weight gain since starting the hospital job Dec 2019 and joint pain/aches. Anxiety definitely plays a role in some of these issues. I talked with my psychologist about the situation and she states that I should stay on my hospital unit at least casually and remain part-time as long as possible. This is so I have a shot at the clinic position that my manager is offering to interview me for when they have an opening apparently in 4-12 months. I have made an agreement with my parents (I live at home) that if I don't find something by December I am switching to casual at the hospital job no matter what. I don't want to put all my eggs in one basket but I'm feeling like I have no choice. Unfortunately, the job search has not been going well. I have heard that once I had a year of med-surg I could find something else but that has absolutely not been my experience. Maybe it is the area I live in (close to a major world city) but I have in December 2 years of experience in med-surg bedside and a year in hospice and I am still getting no offers. I've applied to universities, community clinics, hospital clinics, OR, psych facilities, government positions, etc. Basically, anything that has daytime hours preferably 8-10 hours. I am even willing to take a pay cut of up to $6 an hour but I am getting few interviews even then and the ones I do have go to more senior people. Over and over I have been told by recruiters that nurses are leaving med-surg bedside in droves giving them lots of candidates so not to feel bad, as they "did like me but I just didn't have the experience some other candidates did". I feel like I've tried everything, I even paid $50 for a professional to look over my resume and cover letter for keywords/any mistakes/etc. They sent me some ways to reword my resume and I sent a bunch out again. Still nothing. I don't know if there is anything else anyone can really say to me except for good luck, but I wanted to let people know that I was surviving. For any other nurse in my position, please know that you are not alone. It is super hard to get away from bedside at the moment. ?

I should probably re-frame that. ? I would maybe consider going back to school if I had something else I strongly desired to do. But since I have anxiety and social anxiety I always really struggled in figuring out what to do. I actually took a super-senior year in high school to try and figure things out and I just couldn't decide what to do with my life. I decided to go into nursing since it was stable work (meaning always jobs available, with a decent living wage) and the fact that my family sadly has a strong correlation with bipolar disorder and mental health issues. I really don't want to burden my family while I went back to school anyway with providing housing/etc especially when we have so many other members to help take care of. I don't have a romantic partner either, and probably never will given the extent of my social anxiety, so I need to become self-sufficient. The hospice that I work at is fully staffed right now since a nurse from the ICU picked up a full-time role. So, even if I wanted to I can't pick up any more hours right now at my other job. Plus it is exclusively nights and I don't want to do full-time nights alone. The other hospices in my area are also not hiring sadly, I did look as well.

Believe it or not, my hospital job has a required course for my unit that is not covered by the hospital. So you have to pay for it out of pocket. 0.0 It is actually a source of irritation for many of the people on my unit, they and I feel that if the course is required the hospital should pay for it. If you don't take the recert, you will be forced off the unit/fired within 6 months.

I actually have almost two years of experience. ? But yeah not enough for an educator role, the hospital I am requires at absolute lowest 5 years.

I honestly and truly wish school nursing was more of a thing in my country (I don't live in the States). ? I have looked and apparently, there isn't a school nurse position in over 150km.

Both of the courses I am currently taking are required for each one of my jobs. So I had to take them to stay in my current roles. The one in September is a recommended course for the hospice, and they offered to pay for me to take it provided I stay in that job.