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drinndalynn RN

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  1. drinndalynn

    Confused and Depressed about Performance

    Graduated late 2017, this is technically my second job, but I don't truly count the first because I wasn't there long enough to do any good. I had to move out of state on short notice. There is a nurse educator in the hospital, yes.
  2. drinndalynn

    Confused and Depressed about Performance

    So I've been orientating on my floor for 1 1/2 to 2 months now and feel like absolute trash. I started off training on days, the nurse I was trained with seemed please with me, was very informative, and encouraging, and it was great. Now I'm on nights, my intended shift. It's been about 3 weeks now and I am utterly confused by the feed back I'm getting from my new trainer. Im at a point where I do about 95% or more of the job independently taking care of 4 to 5 patients a shift. I ask questions when I'm unsure of something, I'd rather look dumb then cause and problems serious or non serious. I can feel like I am absolutely rocking it all shift, but then by the end of the shift the feed back from my trainer gets me so confused, makes me feel so stupid, and often doesn't seem to match with the day I thought I'd had. I have my areas I need to work on, mostly stuff school doesn't cover, or facility specific things, but I feel I do better in these areas each shift. So here is how feedback usually gose: I can feel like I nailed time management but get coached about it end of shift as if I'd fails it miserably. Today I was coached about not relying on others for help or to do my work. I was told to be self reliant and independent. I was left speechless as I hadn't had help this shift at all, other than the very few questions I had for her. I check often to see that the CNAs had charted and that patient condition reflected that, but I was coached that some CNAs aren't as good and basically informed that I should just do that work too if I had too to be more self sufficient. I am very uncomfortable when talking to her. she makes me very anxious. This is in no small part due to the fact that she doesn't give much, if any, positive feed back. I respect her, trust he judgement and experience, but I feel like an absolute screw up when I work with her. She talks about learning to cluster care after I will have thought I had been doong so. She'll preach time management at the beginning of the shift when I will have finish with plenty of time to spare. I just don't get it at all. I wrack my brain going over my day trying to see where I messed up. I do miss a few things here and there, but it will be things I haven't encountered or I know I need to work on. I own up to mistakes (missing a new order, forgetting to make a note) I go over them in my head, I try and think how I could do things more efficiently. I go in next shift determined to do better, and I'll feel like I do. But then I get coached once again for things I thought I'd done well. Maybe I'm just bad at the job and don't realize it? It's all very discouraging and really makes me feel like a failure. Like maybe I'm not cut out to be a good nurse. Now I have 3 days left until I'm on my own and I'm just here feeling like absolute trash.