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Content by angelsigns

  1. I was diagnosed earlier this year with Bipolar disorder type 2. I have had symptoms for many years since when I was 12-13 years old. Up to when I was in college I never knew what my symptoms were from and once I became a nurse I think I considered if I was Bipolar but was in denial. I am 27 now, have been a nurse for 4 years. My symptoms have gotten much much worse which led to My diagnosis. Aside from Bipolar DO, I was also diagnosed with generalized anxiety DO, which is also pretty bad. in the past, my symptoms were subtle and manageable. Now they have become much worse but have been manageable with meds and therapy. My trouble area is that I believe I have noticed that working in beside may be a trigger for me. I worked in cardiac progressive care for most my of my career and now I transferred to CICU and I am in orientation for 2 more weeks. when I am at work, I can completely keep my symptoms in check, but I believe I have noticed that because it takes so much mental energy to keep my symptoms in check, on my off days I am truly struggling. On my off days I have severe panic attacks that can be ongoing. I can also be thrown into severe episodes of either depression or hypomania. The 2-3 days off that I get is only enough for my to try to hardwire myself back to normal and the cycle continues. Also being in bedside and being exposed to so many difficult and sad situations puts a huge load on me. I used to not get emotional at all but with my symptoms being much worse it truly does take a toil on me. I don’t want to have to give up my new job, but I am worried I may have to due to my mental health. I am also afraid to disclose my dx to my managers in hopes that I can have their support by maybe requesting better scheduling or what not but I am scared it will backfire on me. Generally speaking, from what I have observed during orientation and spoken to my coworkers about, management schedules our shifts horribly. It’s not uncommon for nurses on that unit to work 3 in a row and sometimes only get 1-2 days off. I definitely CAN NOT do that. I am already imagining that that will also be hard on me. The discrepancy in the days I am scheduled is also a trigger for me. I think that if I had a job with a fixed schedule it could Iess of a stressor. I have noticed that the best way to manage my symptoms is by having consistent routines and being scheduled all over the place is just a huge trigger. I need structure in my life for me to manage my symptoms and thrive. can I get some advice from other nurses with disabilities who have maybe been in this position? have you been able to manage your symptoms appropriately and working bedside without your mental health or home/personal life being badly affected? i am starting to consider the idea of leaving bedside although I don’t want to, and taking up a job that is less stressful with a fixed schedule.
  2. angelsigns

    Nursing job with routine

    Hello, I have been a bedside nurse for almost 5 years. I did cardiac tele for 4.5 years and just moved to cardiac ICU 7 months ago. I love my new role in the cardiac ICU. Everything is so interesting and fascinating to me, however, at the end of the day I feel like you put up with the same old crap you do as any other floor. I am tired of the unpredictability of bedside nursing. I am tired of being torn left and right between patients, family members, doctors, etc. I am tired of cleaning up mountains of poop. I am tired of running myself ragged. I do not want to float to other floors I don't feel comfortable working on. I now want a job that is more predictable. I want a job that I can walk into in the morning and at least somewhat know what to expect. I want something with more stability. I worked 3 12's in a row this past weekend and it was so busy. I've been off 2 days now and still trying to recover. I want a job where I can have a life and not have to try so freaking hard to pull myself together on my days off. Any recommendations?
  3. angelsigns

    Leaving bedside for health concerns

    Hello, This is my 4th year of nursing. I have worked 3 years on a step down cardiac tele floor where I have worked as a preceptor and charge nurse. I left 3 months ago to the cardiac icu in hopes of having a better job experience. I was hoping to find some relief from the burn out I felt while working on cardiac tele. We take care of a lot of open heart patients on that floor and having to reposition them, ambulate them, etc while they are weak and almost total care has worn my body down. I am only 27 years old and my body hurts every day so much. I have scoliosis so I live in chronic back pain but it has gotten so much worse. On my days off I feel so week and my entire body and back hurt. I feel like an old lady. Someone my age shouldn’t feel the way I feel. I left to the icu 3 months ago hoping it would be better. I have realized it’s not. Not only that, my body, back, and neck pains hurt so much more. I think it’s from the higher level of stress caring for icu patients. I think I’ve been carrying the stress on my shoulders and my neck and upper back are so sore. I realized the ICU is also so much more stressful and I was not expecting to experience all this stress. I have a hard time eating sometimes because I clench my teeth so badly at night from the stress. I don’t feel like I see any hope from here on out. And I am wondering if this is a sign for me to leave. I didn’t want to be like all the new nurses who flee so soon. I was hoping at least going for 5 years at the bedside. I don’t see my over all health getting better. I feel like a chicken and I feel like a weak person for deciding to leave.