I started my orientation on the ICU as a new graduate at the end of June. I had worked as a CNA for a few months prior to starting my job as a nurse. I didn't have such background in health care but I didn't necessarily see this as something that would hold me back and I feel the same way today. My orientation was scheduled to be 12 weeks long, I thought for sure I would feel comfortable to come off orientation by that point. Don't take that the wrong way, I know you should never feel comfortable as a nurse but I knew I would have a neighbors if I had to ask questions. During my time in orientation I went through about 4 preceptors. The first one I had, we were together for about the first six weeks.
Let me back up a little and tell you the story of my orientation. I passed my boards on a Wednesday, started my classroom training that Friday. The next week I was on the floor. I was thrown in day one with my patient. I had never worked night shift before and this is the shift I was going to be working. I was willing to give it a shot! I shared my preceptor with another orient. The person over seeing my orientation told me if I didn't feel like it was working sharing a preceptor to let him know and we could change it. The first week came and went. I was eager to learn, excited and thankful for my job. I was one of the lucky ones to be chosen for the ICU! I kept chugging along. I felt I was learning. Although my fist preceptor would always nag my charting. I say nag because when I was with all of my other preceptors there were minimal complaints about my charting. Anyway, I thought I was progressing and no one had told me otherwise. I asked my preceptor her thoughts on how I was doing, she said my charting and my hand off report could use some fine tuning. I agreed my report could use work, I had a problem remembering the EXACT details, I even agreed my charting could use work. After all, my preceptor probably knew best. My confidence wasn't shot quite yet but I was worrying a little bit because my charting needed so much work in her eyes. ICU is overwhelming. I knew report would get better with time. We would stay over for almost two hours every night day to chart. Through the shift she would even help me chart and we still stayed over that long! I went on vacation for few weeks. When I got back from vacation I was being switched to day shift to finish out my orientation. The rationale for this is that I would get more experiences on day shift. I was fine with this because night shift was wearing on me. I was honestly not sure I could continue on night shift any longer. I was a zombie. My significant other and I worked opposite shifts. We hardly saw each other. Our relationship is strong but it was also wearing on me. I was going to be stuck on nights for at least a few years. Day shift is when I started to get more preceptors. It was like someone flipped a switch as far as my charting went. There were hardly any complaints about my charting. I didn't stay over one time to chart. I was thinking, so my old preceptor must have been nit picking me for some reason? I still don't know exactly. It was on day shift I noticed I wasn't quite as advanced as the other orients. We had a ton of other orients on day shift at this time. My old preceptor was not only helping me catch up on my charting, she was helping me make up for other things I wasn't doing. In the back of my mind I started thinking I wasn't meant for the ICU. A few weeks went by and I wasn't making much progress. Charting was good but my critical thinking was developing a little bit slower than others. I graduated top of my class but applying it to some situations was difficult for me. There were a few days where I didn't have anyone to precept with and I did little hands on training with my CPL(this is the person over seeing my orientation). I didn't really like him. He would never remember my name. We had met numerous times. We would be walking down the hallway and when we would pass other orients he would tell them how exceptional they were doing. He NEVER told me I was doing well. I felt like it was rude honestly to do that right in front of me and it did bug me. Maybe it shouldnt have but it did. What really set me off was when the CPL and my manager pulled me into the office and asked if I wanted to continue on the ICU. I was devastated that they were asking me this. I was trying my best and I started crying right there. I always put on a smile and worked hard and I was confused why they were asking me this. They said some people said I was doing fine but others said I was stressed. No idea where the stressed part of that story came from. If I was showing signs of stress who isn't as a new grad though?! They extended my orientation, which was going to be fourteen weeks now. At the time this happened I was about at week 9/10 of orientation. I was happy for the extension. From this point on while I was still trying to do my best, I was going to quit. I did end up quitting before I made it out of orientation. It was really upsetting to me to quit my job. I was a failure as a nurse. I have wanted to be a nurse all my life. So now I''m jobless. I dont know where to go from here. I have a interview at a clinic as a RN. Has anyone else quit their first nurse job before getting out of orientation? Do you have any advice moving forward? I feel like im seling myself short because I quit. I am not necessarily interested in working on the floor anywhere right now because i'm still upset over what happened. I feel lost. Im continuing my education online, I am working toward a BSN. I kinda felt like working at the clinic would give me good hours, but the pay there is terrible. I am a little bit afraid to set foot in another hospital. Thank you for reading I hope this makes sense. Any advice you have for me is appreciated.