I am a registered nurse with a year of experience under my belt. I have been at my current job for one year, during which I have hated the job since I started but attempted to make the best of it. I got this position on bad terms meaning, I was forced into it by HR (literally) and was told to accept it or they would never hire me otherwise. I go through periods where I think I can stay here at this position long term (mainly due to the staff on the floor being so great) but the floor I work on is toxic and has a bad reputation amongst the whole hospital I work at for being chronically understaffed and unsafe, both in which are true. I worry about my license constantly and the manager here does not have our backs. With a year under my belt I'm second most senior on this floor with most of the floor consisting of new grads who have been trained by nurses with as much (or as little) experience as I have.
I have to say I have learned a lot on this floor, but on my days off I spend them all upset and dreading going back. Since starting my moods have been all over the place and crying day to day is slowly becoming the norm. I'm not normally like this, especially at my other job where it's like night and day compared to this. I fear if I stay here it is going to cause long term negative effects to my health (if it hasn't already). I'm starting to HATE nursing, and it isn't nursing I hate, it is this job which has been clear to me from the get-go.
I'm at a loss of what to do. My current manager block transfers to other units so I will be stuck here at least another year before I will be let go, but I don't know if I can last that long. The hospital I work at is under one big umbrella so essentially quitting here would mean quitting the hospital all together for the time being. I am unionized so my seniority/benefits will transfer with me. I current pick up causally in LTC, a job I adore since I have been working there since being a student as a CCA and now an RN. I know I can eventually go back to the hospital on another floor in the future but the thought of leaving, even though this job is seriously beginning to effect my personal health scares me.
I'm okay money wise as I was able to pay for my BSN out of pocket since I worked through my degree. I also have a healthy savings account and am in a position where I could be unemployed (if need be) for a while. My end goal here is becoming a NP, but where I live I need another year of experience. So I'm just looking for some advice. I feel like I should just quit and be done with it and make the transition to PT/FT at my other causal job before this job breaks me. I even considered the option of possibly going on a leave of absence for the time being and figuring things out. I don't know what to do anymore...