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Marie63's Latest Activity

  1. Marie63

    Struggling to move forward

    The last 2 posts l think were meant for Pab89. Pab89 posted"Struggling to move forward".
  2. Marie63


    SobreRN, I also want to say, you are such a good person for posting your mistake. Your honesty and kindness mean so much to me.
  3. Marie63


    Dear SobreRN, I thank you for your post and honesty about your mistake. Your post helps me and other nurses. I have turned to prayer, praying for all patients hurt by mistakes and all healthcare workers and everyone feeling such guilt and shame for their medical errors and all mistakes in their lives. God is forgiving and merciful, but it is so hard to forgive ourselves. I never again want to put myself first above others. I appreciate your post.
  4. Marie63


    Thank you lighthouse2 and SafetyNurse1968.
  5. Marie63


    Safetypin, BSN,RN, thank you and bless you.
  6. Marie63


    I am so blessed to have all of your comments, I feel so alone. I have not seen a counselor yet, since I am new, I have to wait for an opening in March. I picked a counselor that is an APN, I wanted someone that understood nursing. I did begin an antidepressant and I have even talked with a priest. Nursy, I think you are right. I was fine for a number of years, it would surface here and there but not like this. I saw a story on the news about a police officer not going into a building to help people during a shooting and everyone was condemning him, and I thought of myself, a coward and putting myself first. As a nurse, I need to put the patient first and I failed. I cannot forgive myself. And I feel like I won't feel better until I know for sure that the person is OK. Everything feels so different, the depression is terrible. It does feel like a PTSD.
  7. Marie63


    Thank you for your comments. I hear a story about someone being negligent or not honest, and it triggers my guilt and shame. I feel so alone, it is comforting to hear from other nurses that truly care about their patients. My daughter recently graduated with her BSN and I have shared my story. I am hoping others learn from my mistake.
  8. Marie63


    I am new to this site. I joined because I am suffering from such depression and anxiety over a mistake I made as an RN 12 years ago, hoping to get some help and give help - so other nurses do not suffer from what I am going through. While working on an Admission Unit at a local hospital 12 years ago, I had a patient, an older, alert, oriented woman that came through the ER and then to the Admission Unit ( we performed the initial assessment, obtained admission orders, began IV, gave initial meds etc). She was being admitted, but I cannot recall why or the patient's name. I did not do the initial assessment. When her meds came up from pharmacy, I had to give them to her, and then she was transferred about 10 minutes later to her inpatient room. I gave her oral meds and a luer lock clear syringe also came up from pharmacy and I assumed that it was to be given through her IV. So I gave it through her IV line. After I gave it ( I cannot even remember the name of the med), the patient stated that she usually took that medicine by mouth at home. Her husband was also present. I just said, "Oh you do?" I then looked at the MAR and it said that the medicine was to be given PO. The patient was transferred to her inpatient room a few minutes after I gave the medicine and from when I noticed my error. I did NOT report my error to the patient or to the staff or to my supervisor. I did NOT complete an incident report. I kept my mistake to myself. I ended up quitting the job approximately 1 month later due to the stress of the job. At that time, I reported my error to my Supervisor. But I did not recall any information ie: patient's name, date of incident, name of med etc. She said that there were no incidents that she could recall that were ever reported to her. I have thought about this and my failure as a nurse through out the years, worrying about the patient. Two months ago, I even wrote a letter to the Chief Medical Officer of the hospital, identifying myself and explaining the incident. I feel like such a terrible nurse. I don't know why I didn't report it at the time, busy? afraid of looking stupid? being yelled at? In any case, there is NO excuse, I put myself first and to this day I worry that I may have been responsible for a patient's death. The Chief Medical Director did write me back and said that there was an incident where the pharmacy sent an IV dose instead of the oral to the floor, even though the MAR stated PO. But we don't know if this was "my" patient for sure. The Medical Director asked if he could use my story, without using my name, to encourage nurses and doctors to speak up about their mistakes. There are burdens when we don't report. I am hoping nurses out there, ALWAYS report your mistakes. Do not feel like you are alone making them and don't worry about looking stupid. It is not worth the suffering that I am going through. I have even taken a medical leave from my current job and plan to start counseling. I have not been able to eat and it is affecting my family. I have even talked with a priest and I still don't forgive myself. PLEASE report ALL mistakes. And hopefully, there are in-services and supportive supervisors for staff, to encourage reporting and to know that they are not alone in making mistakes.