tachyallday

Thank you, I genuinely appreciate the thoughtful replies. I have been taking it 24 hours at a time. Not only, for not drinking, but just getting through the day. I haven't had wine since Saturday. That's the longest break I have had in a few months. I'm just dealing with what I can, when I can. When I panic at work, I re-focus on the task in front of me. At home, I have been taking of self-care items I have been putting off. I have attended at least one AA meeting per day. With zoom, it's been so easy to call in, and there are meetings all the time. I have talked to a number of kind people who have said offered so much love & support. It's the most stable I have felt since before the pandemic. It's also been nice to talk with people about things that don't have anything to do with Covid or politics. I am having some intermittent hopeful moments and it feels good. I truly appreciate all of the words of insight & ecouragement!

Thanks Everyone. "If we don't make a choice to recover, we make a choice to suffer." Thank you. I guess what I meant by choice, was, nothing forcing anyone into recovery. Most of the posts I have read talk about legal issues & monitoring programs. I'm not in any legal, board, or work trouble, never have. I'm not day drinking on my days off, or drinking before work. I'm not stealing drugs. I'm not having poor performance at work, other than feeling like tired and irritable & burned out. Like everyone else around me, who is having trouble with our current reality, I blend right in. I do not, however, want to keep taking this elevator down, to the point to where I am forced to make a change, and am exploring my options. I don't know about outpatient treatment. It would still allow me easy access to alcohol, but I am not ruling it out. I know I have some deep seeded childhood trauma, that I have never fully dealt with, a series of traumatic incidents about three years ago, that I have also not fully dealt with, some minor health things that have together been stressful, then the every day life stuff on top of that, some of which was mentioned above. Covid, my sense of normalcy, doing normal things on my day off has disappeared. Travelling to see my family regularly has disappeared. My dog of almost 14 years, died a few months ago. My other elderly dog required emergent & expensive spine surgery right after that. I'm trying to go easy on myself instead of beating myself up for finding myself where I am. I'm looking for things to feel thankful & grateful for. Writing here & reading your replies, helped a lot. Writing now, also helps. Thank you.

around me. I blend right in.

It seems everyone here has been charged or "caught" with something. No judgement. Just being frank because I don't have the energy to sound sensitive or compassionate right now. I have wondered if I was charged with something, would that be the motivating I need to change. Maybe I should roll the dice & start driving drunk so I can get a DUI. OK, that was a horrible & cyncial thing to say, but I feel horrible & cyncial. Anyway, I thought I would post & see if anyone is trying to get live sober without having legal consequences. Or if those that do have consequences, have any insight. My drinking has taken off & progressed since Covid. 1/2-1 bottle of wine every night. Sometimes mixed with a small dose anxiety medication (mine, prescribed to me, legally). I drink less ETOH if I mix it as it accelerates the affect. I have lectured the *** out of patients for mixing drugs & ETOH more times than I can count, btw. Anyway, I go without a drink in the evening maybe once every week or two. I like to smoke a few cigarettes too when I'm drinking. Overall really great for my health being in the ER caring for Covid patients all day long ***giant eyeroll*** Seems everyone around me is drinking daily, depressed, anxious, angry. People joking about mixing wine & xanax left & right. I don't think they are joking. I myself am depressed, anxious, depressed & angry. I need to make a change. I don't feel healthy. I know it's increasing my risk of getting really sick. It's making my mood more unstable than it would be at baseline. It's disrupting my sleep. I want to stop, but I can't. I don't have withdrawal, but I panic when I think about reality. It's about facing reality and what is happening at work, in the world, and what I am doing to my own body. I panic for my loved ones and coworkers. This is how I feel when I'm not buzzed/drunk, or when when I'm completely emotionally shut off & don't care, more below. I've tried AA. I hate the sanctimoniousness. I hate the people. Probably because I people in general so much right now. I hate everyone who isn't going through what the frontline is going through. I tried a zoom AA meeting yesterday. It kept being disrupted by kids spamming the meeting. Anyone have any ideas? I've thought about rehab. I'm not sure if I'm a candidate. I guess I could "claim" withdrawal symptoms but I don't want to lie, as I'm not noticing anything other than extreme anxiety on the evenings I don't drink. I'm OK in the morning, as long as I stay busy, but reality starts to get really tough as the days goes on. If I don't have access to alcohol, I know a solid break would give me a reboot. I frankly could use a break from work, too. I don't want to risk my work finding out about me attending rehab, but I can't go on like this either. I feel loosely suicidal at times too. This isn't a cry for help. I don't have a plan. I just don't feel future-oriented and oftentimes when I'm not feeling the things I described above, just don't really care, or care what happens to me, like would it be so bad if I ran off the road accidentally? I know that is ridiculous thinking and it is fleeting. I just run out of the energy to care about myself or anyone or anything else. Oh, I don't have a support system really, either, other than my coworkers. My family doesn't live here, and I've emotionally distanced myself from talking to them regularly. They are all going through their own stuff too, and I got tired of reaching out to them over the months. My marriage is not good, or happy, or supportive either. OK, that's enough. I feel a little better for writing all of this out. Yes, I know, that's a good coping mechanism.

I hadn't for a long time! ?

The Kevin MD post is stupid. The post here is stupid. The show looks stupid. I hate everyone. Bye.

LOL! This cracked me up!^^^ But to the original poster, seriously, who cares? Lots of people take ADHD & other psychotropic medications, Judgy McJudgerson. to improve their quality of life. Seriously, maybe it would work a little better for you to chill out and stop judging her and her practice so hard. Maybe that attitude of 'disdain' as someone perfectly put it, of yours is seeping through & she is picking up what you are inadvertently putting down. And NEWSFLASH: It is exhausting and A LOT OF WORK to precept students & new grads especially in places like the ER & ICU where they have zero clue, and you have to explain everything.

No. Not at all.

Your employer is breaking the law if they are forcing you to clock out, but not insuring that you are getting 30 uninterrupted minutes, and not paying you if you do not get them. If my break gets interrupted by work, I am not counting it as a break. An anonymous call to your state's labor board could help out with that.

I stand by, that: it is not well-written for this forum. We all know about change theory if we've been through a BSN program. You provide no compelling evidence whatsoever for improving outcomes, just purport that we should shorten shifts, and nurses and hospitals should look at the evidence. Ok, we all know all of us should be looking at evidence for everything little thing that affects our care of patients from the color of walls, to falls, to readmissions to hospital food etc. If you want buy-in vs burn-out from the average nurse on posted 'articles', make it succinct and convincing and show us some convincing proof instead of saying we need to look at evidence that is not even provided. Otherwise, you're just stirring the pot. And for the record: I actually would be interested in looking at compelling evidence on changing 12 hours shifts (or how to make them better). Not only for effects on patient care, but for effects on nurses work-life balance. I spend at least one full day of the week dysfunctional from exhaustion. So right there, my four days off are really three.

Seriously? Posting this "article," which is just a poorly-written BSN program paper (that leaves out tons of relevant information), is the last way to gain buy in for change in shift length.

Hi! Have you considered that you may have ADHD & your multi-tasking abilities for new things has nothing to do with your intelligence level? In fact, you may be compensating for attention issues with your intelligence. I would consider doing some screenings that you can find online to see if maybe you have some other symptoms & perhaps getting evaluated. If so, you could consider medication & try again. I suffer from ADHD. Getting treated for it was a game-changer for me.

From someone that did many years of PICU & ICU, and now works in the ED. I would not have been able to walk into a per diem job ready to fly as an ED nurse. I think you may not know what you don't know. The ED is so different. You need to learn how to juggle your critical patients along with perhaps 3 other patients at a time who all may not be very sick (or might be), but you need to move along their care just as fast too (and make room for the next one), because you never know who is walking into the waiting room or who is coming through the ambulance bay. I used to think any "lower" level of care that ICU would be no sweat. The truth is, it was hard for me to float to tele, and hard for me to take peds med surg assignments. And I have to sometimes force myself to not get too wrapped up in minutiae that are not important to emergency care. You need to learn how to divide your time, instead of 100% focus on 1-2 patients (or 3 for that year I worked in FL). I know the rest of the hospital thinks the ED doesn't do real patient care, and I used to think that too. The truth is, there is no way to get it, unless you've worked there. If you're interested, I would suggest, going FT ED, and taking a per diem ICU job?

I am a nurse of over 10 years with ICU, PICU & ER background & department supervisory background. I just started in the ER early this year & started filling in as house supervisor here and there. After a disaster drill when I found myself part of the incident command, I became really interesed in the topc. I am looking at Masters Programs in Emergency Managment, but feel like it would be good to get more experience before applying (and also to find out if I like this field as much as I think I do). A lot of these programs include homeland security, and law enforcement & criminal justice peeps are generally applying. These are some of the things I am planning to help bolster my resume and empower me personally: Taking some free FEMA courses: Looking for a job on a DMAT: Volunteering with Red Cross in either a responder or community educator type role: Increasing my personal defense, and tactical skills & personal home preparedness: Looking into teaching some courses: ACLS/BLS/PALS/first aid: Just found out our hospital has a disaster committee, so will be joining that: If you went into DM, and had a job for a few years, it would looking great on your resume when you graduate from nursing school. It might help you land a job of your choice as a new grad. It won't however, help with your knowledge and skills as new nurse. No way to get that without putting in the time at the bedside. It will help you down the road, though if you decide to go that direction. I say, pick one field & stick with that. Work it for several years, and then add on. It would honestly be really hard for me to think about EM without the extensive background that I have gained (without going to school for it, and working in the field first). Feel free to PM me.

seriously, and $&*^ all over them. ICU? Couldn't do days? wth? A little gratitude goes a LONG way. OP has cost organizations a lot of money with his/her whims & I have zero respect for that.