Last night I experienced my first night off of orientation. And I felt like I had no idea what I was doing. I kind of was overwhelmed the whole night, but it was not too bad because I had co-workers who helped me pass my meds. However, I felt bad because I do not want to be known as the person who can not finish her tasks and needs help all the time. I called my charge nurse a few times with questions to double check that I was doing everything right. I just have a hard time feeling confident with my abilities. I am also struggling with simple stuff like the best way to change a person who incontinent, and I help my PCT change patients but I usually let them take the reign until I learn how do it more efficiently since they know the best tricks. But I also do not want them to see me as incompetent either. Also, my hand off report was horrible, and that has always been a big struggle for me since I have started. Additionally, day shift and night shift nurses have like an unspoken hate towards each other. Because day shift is filled with more experience nurses compared to nights. They always complain that night shift leaves their patients a mess and that they do not do anything. And I am just scared that day shift is going to give me a reputation of giving bad reports, and I honestly do not want to be that night nurse day shift hates.
I am terrified to go to work every night because I am scared something bad is going to happen or I am going to make a serious mistake. Also, after my shifts I am always paranoid that I forgot to give a med or do an order. And sometimes I freak out because I remember that I forgot to document one turn or an output. Overall, I just feel like I am struggling, and some nights I already want to quit. But I am really trying to stick it out for 6 months because I heard it eventually gets better.
Do you have any advice for me? or words of encouragement?