Professional Responsibility vs Family Needs

[dkn86]

I have a conundrum.  I am recently engaged and love my fiancé’s family (most of them).  However, I became aware of some concerning information.  One of her cousins uses drugs and likes to drink, but she’s functioning so I stay out of it.  I found out that when her kids (teenage and young adult) are with her and her mother (the kids grandma), they share and encourage the kids to use drugs with them.  Whatever they are doing, the kids are offered, and they do use with them.  While my fiancé is less concerned about marijuana, she is equally concerned as I that other drugs could lead to very serious adverse health and legal problems for the kids.  As a mandatory reporter, should I report this soon-to-be in law and her mom for suspected child endangerment, or should I leave it be out of consideration for my partner and maintaining family dynamics?  Struggling with this…

[CommunityRNBSN, BSN, RN]

12 hours ago, NO JOKES OR PUNS ALLOWED said:

As far as the teenager, yes, they're underage (I assume), but abuse? CPS has limited resources and you want to waste it on some idiot who encourages (per OP) to use THC. 

This, 100%  Part of the reason we hear about children dying from drastic abuse is because our CPS system is totally swamped with people reporting stuff like "mom lets her 17 year old smoke weed."

1 hour ago, CommunityRNBSN said:

This, 100%  Part of the reason we hear about children dying from drastic abuse is because our CPS system is totally swamped with people reporting stuff like "mom lets her 17 year old smoke weed."

Beyond that, I still am not convinced that the OP has direct knowledge of the behavior. Dependent upon the state, a parent found to have cannabis in the home could get into legal trouble even if they weren't sharing with their teen. That's not okay. Using cannabis doesn't make them a bad or dangerous parent. Family gossip is not always accurate. IMV extended family members have no business making these kind if reports if they don't have direct knowledge of dangerous or violent behavior. 

I encountered a neighborhood teen...14...a close friend of my kids at the time, walking to school past me as I was on my way out of the house. He looked upset so I called out to him and walked toward him. He had been crying, he had an abrasion by his eye, a trickle of blood from his right ear and both of his cheeks were bright red and blotchy.  He told me his father grabbed him by the shirt and slapped his face repeatedly for "back talking". I knew this family, had been in their house.  I wasn't surprised because I had heard the rumors of violence but I had never seen any evidence...until then.  I know that CPS got 2 reports on that kid that day because I made one and I know that someone at the school made at least one other.  Because I was seen speaking to David that morning by the mother, the father later angrily confronted me about the report.  That didn't go the way he had imagined it would go.  

The point is, we shouldn't be reporting heresay.

[dkn86, BSN, RN]

Hi, @nojokes

14 hours ago, NO JOKES OR PUNS ALLOWED said:

>young adult 

>CPS

Slow your roll, overeager reefer madness reporters of the thread.  Most places have decriminalized THC stateside.  And she explicitly states in her post it's weed.

As far as the teenager, yes, they're underage (I assume), but abuse? CPS has limited resources and you want to waste it on some idiot who encourages (per OP) to use THC. That's pretty detestable and won't even change anything. You think they're going to storm the place and demand everyone take urine drug screens, toting the "children" away to an idyllic home in the countryside?  

Take some good info about the long term effects of THC on developing brains. And this isn't coming from someone whose heart rate was cranked by the idea of someone "using drugs." I love THC. I take Delta 8 since the federal ruling.  I buy it the same place I buy my cat's CBD oil.  (Yes, my cat's "on drugs." Call the SPCA.  ?)  However, it has some terrible consequences on adolescent brains:

Source:

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3930618/

Before OP irrevocably causes strife that will likely only accomplish alienation and hatred without changing anything, I recommend the radical move of TALKING TO THE MOTHER AND CHILD ABOUT THE CONSEQUENCES! *gasp*

If someone had talked to me about the impact of THC on spatial intelligence when I was a teenager, I wouldn't have used it nearly as much.  Then again, I probably would have picked a different major had I been more sober during my teen years.

Also, everything has Fentanyl in it you buy on the streets. Everything.  https://www.MSN.com/en-us/news/crime/fentanyl-laced-vape-pens-among-teens-concern-after-tennessee-high-school-incident/ar-AARpypB

And people do OD on smoking/vaping fentanyl. If you're not buying at a state licensed vendor, enjoy dying of an opiate OD in your bed.

Also, @JBMmom is a real one and you should listen to her.

Hi OP here.  1) I’m a male nurse and 2) I never said it was just THC.  It’s harder drugs, as well.  Hence why I’m concerned.  I’m NOT concerned about THC as long as they aren’t using every day.

[NO JOKES OR PUNS ALLOWED, BSN, RN]

1 minute ago, dkn86 said:

Hi, @nojokes

Hi OP here.  1) I’m a male nurse and 2) I never said it was just THC.  It’s harder drugs, as well.  Hence why I’m concerned.  I’m NOT concerned about THC as long as they aren’t using every day.

Saying your fiance wasn't worried about THC use without naming anything else means it's THC from the reader's understanding. If you had said they were using hard drugs, you would have gotten a different response.  What drugs are they using? Be clear, because when you only mention weed, I can't magically glean that you mean black tar heroin.

Women make up the majority in nursing, so I use she/her/hers pronouns by default. Sorry about that.

[CalicoKitty, BSN, MSN, RN]

It depends on the age of the kids, and the substance(s) used. Generally, I'd not report something if it wasn't abuse or neglect.  If the kid is (at risk of) being harmed, report.

The Federal Child Abuse Prevention and Treatment Act (CAPTA), as amended and reauthorized by the CAPTA Reauthorization Act of 2010, defines child abuse and neglect as, at a minimum, “any recent act or failure to act on the part of a parent or caretaker which results in death, serious physical or emotional harm, sexual abuse or exploitation (including sexual abuse as determined under section 111), or an act or failure to act which presents an imminent risk of serious harm”.

Chances are, if it is simply drug use by older teenagers in their family setting and otherwise the kids are not abused and are cared for, I may not consider it to be harm/abuse.

[MaxAttack, BSN, RN]

On 3/18/2022 at 10:26 AM, NO JOKES OR PUNS ALLOWED said:

Saying your fiance wasn't worried about THC use without naming anything else means it's THC from the reader's understanding. If you had said they were using hard drugs, you would have gotten a different response.  What drugs are they using? Be clear, because when you only mention weed, I can't magically glean that you mean black tar heroin.

Women make up the majority in nursing, so I use she/her/hers pronouns by default. Sorry about that.

I think the "other drugs" conveyed that. Also a male here. Might want to change those defaults ?

To OP - It sounds like this is second-hand information and could very well be overblown or plain false. If anything, it's up to your fiance to talk to their family. Reporting this - especially without direct knowledge - seems heavy handed and could easily ruin relationships.