400 pound diabetic friend in denial

[Blackcat99]

My friend is 64 years old and must weighs 400 pounds or more. She is diabetic.She can barely walk a few steps before she has to sit down . I told her if she doesn't lose weight she will die. I told her about my success in losing 120 pounds with overeaters anonymous and still nothing helps. Every single suggestion I make is always met with resistance. I don't want my friend to die. Any suggestions on what I can say before she eats herself to death would be greatly appreciated. Thanks;)

[kstec, LPN]

As nurses we especially know how people damage their bodies and continue to do it even with teaching. But the fact of the matter is the hardest thing anyone can change is a lifestyle change. There is usually a bad habit or behavior that each and everyone of us have. Because I'm very aware of my bad habit (smoking) I always try to give my patients or friends information regarding health concerns but I do not give my opinion or come across judgemental. I just give them the facts like my nurse at my doctors office does me. Most people know exactly what the consequences are (including myself) but continue to do it, because lifestyle changes are very hard to make. Just be there for your friend and listen, she knows what she needs to do.

[CHATSDALE]

telling someone to lose weight is like telling a depressed person to 'snap out of it'..there has to be trained support, meds or surgery the cutoff date for bypass surgery is frequetly mid sixities so she is closing in on it

encourage her to walk with a walker if she can, any movement is helpful, walk with her, fellowship is often a spur to self-control

don't beratre if she falls off the wagon and try and get her into a support group

do what you can but if you are not successful then you will be at peace with yourself

[Blackcat99]

Thanks all. Thanks for your honesty. Yes, I think it's time for me to back off and allow her to make her own decisions-right or wrong. I really hope she will eventually decide to make the right decision before it's too late. I'm going to try to be more supportive. It's just so sad to see such a wonderful friend destroy herself. I also tried to encourage another friend in the past to stop smoking but she continued to smoke. She was recently diagnosed with cancer and now she has decided to quit smoking.

[jojotoo, RN]

I agree that your ability to persuade your friend to change her lifestyle is probably very limited. However, perhaps if instead of telling her what to do, you would ask her why she doesn't do what she's been told to do, she might tell you why. Then you could help her overcome those obstacles.

I suspect she knows what will probably happen to her health over the next few years and she is overwhelmed and afraid. She may fear it is too late to change and that change now would be useless. She may be so afraid of failure that she is too paralyzed to try. She may feel so helpless and hopeless that she can't muster the strength to "pull herself up." If that's the case, then harassing her about changing will only make her feel worse and less likely to act. She may need you to build her up and help her feel good enough about herself to take a few small steps in the right direction.... then a few more ... then a few more.

Good luck.

Excellent post. Good advise. Unfortunately, most of those with chronic addiction problems lack the insight as to the "why" of their problem or behavior. Then that only allows will power as the solution. Will power may get you through a temporary time, but sets the person up for failure for a life time change.