please tell me nursing is not really like this

[RNwhyme]

Hi. This is yet another rant by a new nurse who feels she cannot handle the job. But I would really love some insight from people who might understand. If you read this entire post, you are a trooper.

I am almost 29. Out of high school, I went to college with absolutely no idea what I wanted to do, but I started in Respiratory Therapy. Well, in retrospect, I feel like back then I was not mature enough at 18 to make the life-changing decision of a career choice. I liked the idea of healthcare because I liked the idea of the bit of prestige you feel when asked, "What's your major?" or "What do you plan on doing for a career?" Well, as I said, I wasn't mature enough to follow through on the decision I made (I wasn't partying or anything, I just wasn't ready I suppose). Anyway, I went to a private school out of state and I stayed there for a year ($28k down the drain). I transferred to the top university in my hometown and I still had that healthcare idea on my mind. I chose to be in the exercise science program and then become a PT. I was working full time and going to night classes. I had little time for making friends. I became depressed and anxious, and I stopped caring about school. I went there for 4 years and didn't graduate. I continued working in a store full-time, which also made me miserable, and when one of my friend from high school's parents came in they said, "What are you still working here for? So and so is in medical school." That made me SO upset i cannot even describe it. So, I decided that I would become a nurse because I felt it was the one profession that is fully beneficial to society. I applied at the local community college, took all the prerequisites and got all As, but I didn't get in because there were so many other people who applied. So I graduated with a general studies AS because I just wanted a degree. After all that schooling. I got an associate's degree. cool. I continued working at the store, still miserable and depressed, and I applied at a private junior college (more money) for nursing. Again, worked all day, school all night. After the first year, I decided that I needed to become an aide so I had at least some experience in healthcare and a "foot in the door." I became a home health aide. I absolutely LOVED it. I loved how low stress it was, but I also loved that I was actually helping people. I was able to really get to know my patients and provide truly great care for them. I took care of one patient for 2 hours and drove to about 3 or 4 patients per day. I knew I wanted to be a home care nurse. So i graduated in May 2017 and passed the NCLEX in August 2017. I applied to the company I worked for, but was met with the response that I had to work in a hospital for a year for experience. Understandable. I applied and applied and had several interviews to no avail. There's several hospitals in my area so I didn't quite understand why I wasn't getting offered a job, especially when I already worked in their health system. So i got discouraged and put my job search on hold. I was avoiding LTC like the plague, but after time, I got offered a position in a nursing home on a subacute/rehab unit. I was promised in the interview that I would gain valuable experience with skills that people might not think you use in a nursing home. I was excited that I finally landed a nursing job, but I was getting annoying responses again when people asked me what hospital i was going to be working at. "I'm working at a subacute rehab facility, not a hospital." I would just get those "oh, okay" looks. Not "oh congrats good luck that sounds interesting." So I wasn't very excited to start this job for some reason, but I thought the pay was decent. I started orientation on January 15 after a week of really boring classroom orientation on policies and wounds and diabetes protocol and what not. My on-the-job orientation was to be 5 weeks. The first day, I was met with cranky co-workers who just complained about how much they hated this place. (um, thanks for positivity guys). The entire first week I followed my preceptor around and watched him pass meds and do assessments (however, this was day shift 7-3, I was hired for evening 3-11, but they wanted me to get a feel for all the shifts in case I decided to pick up). It was really boring. I found out that there are *supposed* to be 3 nurses on each shift (RN or LPN). Each nurse is assigned a hall that has a patient load of 14. (!!!!!) There are also 3 aides per shift. So, needless to say, many people will end up sitting in their urine/feces for a long time before their call light gets answered. I do not agree with this AT ALL. The majority of my orientation was on my hired shift, and that happens to be when admissions come. So, if the nurse on the day shift before me was an LPN, I end up having to do all 14 of the daily assessments if the other 2 nurses are too busy with their own huge patient load. On top of the assessments, I have the med passes which can take a long time due to several fingersticks and diabetics needing insulin, people literally taking a pharmacy full of pills, and/or they are in therapy at the time I bring their meds to their room, so I have to wait for them to come back. THEN theres the admissions. Yes, admissions take a while, and many of them come during dinner time, when the aides are not doing patient care, they are passing out trays. The admission comes in, HOPEFULLY with complete discharge paperwork from the hospitals. I have to enter ALL of their orders into the computer BEFORE 8 (because that's when the pharmacy closes, which is off-site), this is even if they come on time. If they don't we have to go through a tedious process of ordering the meds from the local walgreens. Before I can submit it, i have to go over it with the doctor by phone, so I have to wait for him to call back. Anyway, the second med pass starts at 8, I got literally everyone on narcs asking for pain meds right at the 4 hour mark, I have to find time to actually do the assessment on these new patients, have them fill out the appropriate paperwork (MOLST, pneumonia/flu vaccine consent/decline, and other annoying things). I pray they don't have a wound because thats extra work. I have to orientate the patient and family to the facility, etc. Then I'm passing meds til 1030 and the people decide they have to pee. They cannot go to the bathroom without help -- falls, duh). I am supposed to tell them to put their call light on and wait for the aide, but I feel so awful doing that because then they become incontinent and risk getting skin breakdown. So sometimes I take extra time to help the patients to the bathroom, but then I get so behind with everything else. In addition, we have several dementia patients who don't remember anything from 3 minutes ago, and many wanderers, self-ambulators, and people with "behaviors" that I'm supposed to look out for. Oh then I'm supposed to be sure every person gets washed and ready for bed and gets butt cream on, change picc dressings and flush the lines, do wound dressing changes and do all the documentation on that. One night I had two people fall, one in the bathroom because she was sick of waiting for someone to help, and a confused one who just got up out of his wheelchair to go home. I have to stop what I'm doing to fill out reports for this with complete assessments and do neuro checks at certain intervals due to them being unwitnessed. This was my breaking point because I cannot keep an eye on them, I cannot be the nurse I want to be and actually listen to their problems and help them because I have all these other tasks and 14 patients who all want their pain meds and have to go to the bathroom at the same time. Oh and I don't have time to eat, drink, or use the bathroom. (but the aides do because they are unionized and the nurses arent). I literally hate this job. I am supposed to work 3-11 and each night i don't get home til 130 am. (5 days a week) By this time, I'm full of adrenaline, and my anxiety is through the roof. I cannot sleep. I am also trying to complete my BSN online, but i am starting to fall behind on my schoolwork because i can't concentrate AT ALL. on a day off, i sleep until 3 pm and get nothing done. I am SERIOUSLY regretting the choice I made to become a nurse, and everything that comes with it. I have lost my empathy for people when they don't help us help them. I just can't do this anymore.

Today, I thought I was having a semi-decent day. Then the ADON comes up to me and asks me about a patient we sent out last week (who eventually passed in the ICU, RIP). Apparently no one changed his picc dressing since feb. 6!!. Apparently the day it was supposed to be changed (a week later, obv.) I was the one working on that side. Well guess what, I was still on orientation, and I got shoved into it with zero help because we were short-staffed (shocker). My preceptor was technically not precepting me that day because she had her own 14 patients. I was on my own. I had to write a statement today of why it wasn't changed. (I can't even differentiate yesterday from today at this point). I've been there a month and I am already part of a wrongful death case. This wasn't even the cause of death. But here I am, a brand new nurse, who got thrown to the wolves being blamed for something that I didn't even know I was supposed to do at the time. My preceptor also had to make a statement, but she wasn't even precepting me that day and she knew nothing about this patient. I feel so bad that she had to get thrown in the mix of the blame game. I am so upset about this, you have no idea. When I bring it up to co-workers they say, "It's a learning experience." What??? Someone's death is supposed to be my learning experience?? How is that a thing? Why was I thrown in by myself while I was still on orientation with 14 patients and not given any help? I think that's the problem. I know how to change picc dressings, I know when they are supposed to be changed. I do not need to learn that. I need to learn how the **** I am supposed to manage 14 patients in 8 hours with admissions, no help from aides or other nurses, acute issues, not having all the equipment we need, ridiculous med passes, falls, confused patients, families, etc. It is too much for one person. I am not a lazy person. I believe in working hard and efficiently. I would never purposely not do something.

Now, choosing a different position is not really an option right now. Going back to school is not an option since I already racked up a ton of debt in student loans. I can't live off of what I was making at the store I worked at. But I also cannot live this life that I have been living for the past month and feel fulfilled or happy. Yeah, yeah, every new nurse feels overwhelmed and incompetent their first year, blah blah. Well, the stress and anxiety that I am feeling right now -- I do not wish that on anyone, new nurse or not. It is not worth it. I want to actually be able to help people. But the place I am working is not letting me do that. I need some words of wisdom, or anything at this point. I have worked so hard and spent alot of money to get to this point, and it has been SUCH a huge disappointment. Please tell me that nursing is really not like this and that it is just the facility I work at.

[klone, MSN, RN]

Tl;dr

maybe paragraphs? A bullet-pointed synopsis?

[Farawyn]

I read it, but yeah, if you want any kind of constructive advice, you should really go edit your OP. Now.

Yes, it can. It can be like this, but it is also where you work.

You can get another job, nursing or not, but you need to get out of that place before you lose your license.

Lots of people have faced what you face. THAT is your immaturity, not the nursing part. You aren't unique, sadly, and you have to do what you can, even if it's little steps. You may feel it is backwards, but, will it knock down your debt if you go back to work at "the store"?

The nursing part just sucks and it is not the place to be.

Reach out to HR.

[oceangirl1234]

Paragraphs. Please.

[Crush]

I read it, but yeah, if you want any kind of constructive advice, you should really go edit your OP. Now.

Reach out to HR.

Wise words Farawyn. As said reach out to your HR. Technically, from what I read, you were technically still orienting. Your HR can provide better insight into facility policies related to this.

[MrNurse(x2), ADN]

The sad truth is LTC is short, mostly because of the attitudes you received when you took the position. That facility probably didn't hold up their end of the contract, probably why most don't have a written contract. This is the problem with new grad nurses holding their license. I have been sharing this way too often, but this article tells you what you are experiencing. Good luck

https://allnurses.com/first-year-after/welcome-new-grads-1105161.html

[YUKONrn]

Read my post entitled "the ridulousnes of LTC/SNF. You are not alone.

[_littlemissBSN, BSN, RN]

Hi, I can relate to you at some point. I guess being a newly licensed nurse, we are past the honeymoon phase and are already at this particular disillusionment stage of our careers - where we experience first-hand the downside of this profession.

I work in an acute rehab hospital and we are almost always short-staffed. I have 8 patients max (9 if someone called in) and there are times when I do not feel like I'm a nurse and don't even get to know my patients. There are times when I'm losing patience because they demand too much from me (although I try my best not to let them see it).

What you're experiencing right now is shared by many. I was told by one of my professors that it takes about two years for a new nurse to be comfortable with the job and to give myself that. I know that statement is generalized and is not necessarily true for everyone. I honestly don't have any worthwhile advice, besides "hang in there, it may or may not get better, but the least you can do is get as much experience until you're well off to leave that job and find another workplace/specialty."

[OrganizedChaos, LVN]

Paragraphs are your friend.

You are still a new nurse so it will take time to get your head above water. It will take time, I remember when it was me not so long ago.

[cleback]

I strongly believe that LTC is one of the toughest jobs as a nurse. Your facility is no different. I'm sorry you were thrown to the wolves in orientation. That was not fair to you or the patients.

I'd keep looking for another job. It will be easier now that you have a nursing job.

I'll warn you though... disillusionment happens to most new nurses. So while you probably will fiND better working conditions, you likely will still be shaking your head at its ridiculousness.