Please Help

[guest1136129]

I am the dad of a new nurse (BSN). I watched my girl work her way through school for the last 6 years. I am asking for your help because my daughter is having severe stress reaction at her first job. She is working on an intermediate cardiac floor in a hospital. She is being trained by a Preceptor who can be brutal at times. My daughter has called off sick due to vomiting, nausea, crying, dry heaves and feels like she is lost. The Department Director has been understanding but has told my daughter to take the weekend to think about what she wants to do because her points are almost used up. The Director has also indicated that they could talk to H.R. to see what can be done. I know from past experiences that when H.R. gets involved its just a matter of time before someone is let go. My daughter doesn't want to lose her job and is going to ask her Director if she can be assigned a different Preceptor. A little backgound information; My daughter met a guy seven years ago who told her to "Be a Nurse". So my daughter wanting to please her boyfriend went to school and graduated (BSN). Her motivation to succeed was based on her boyfriend's insistance that he would not propose nor give her an engagement ring until she finished school. He did get her a ring at graduation and proposed shortly thereafter. However, the guy is insisting that my daughter work and he will not pay for my daughter's debts. And so my daughter is afraid to lose her job because it could cause her relationship to end. My daughter wants to work and wants to be a partner as her now fiance insists that he "doesn't want a dependent"..."he wants a partner". My daughter has worked hard just to get a ring and her wedding to the guy is scheduled for early spring. I am asking for any advice to help my girl through this very stressful time. Thanks

[TriciaJ, RN]

On 12/30/2019 at 9:24 AM, guest1136129 said:

The guy is not perfect no one is. However, my girl went to school to work in health care support. She graduated with an Associates Degree in HealthCare Support and an EKG Technical Certification. She didn't want to work in a hospital but she was pressured to "Be a Nurse" by her now fiance whos own mother was an RN before becoming disabled. The fiance, his parents and grandparents have routinely asked what our daughter is going to do "when their son / grandson (the fiance) becomes disabled"? I have heard this myself routinely over the past seven years. My daughter is not lazy and wants to work but is stressed out and sad. She is not looking to be a burden (dependent) but I believe that she is caught in a mind game where she is being pushed too hard at just the wrong (right) time by an expert manipulator.

Please strongly encourage your daughter to postpone the wedding in order to get a better grip on her career situation. Hopefully in that time she gets some professional help and some personal confidence and can look at her relationship with more objective eyes. Anyone who chooses a specific career to meet someone else's demands is simply not mature enough to be getting married. She's not ready, even if the fiance were Prince Charming.

I'm really hoping your daughter will put the brakes on all things marriage-related while she tends to some personal business. Before you jump in to rescue her further, please just start reinforcing to her that she is smart, strong and capable and you will be there to cheer her on while she solves her own problems. Wishing her luck.

[RapidRobert]

Nurses notoriously eat their young

[Leader25, ASN, BSN, RN]

The good,he did her a favor by insisting that she graduate,

now she can kick that a%%%H*** to the gutter where he belongs ,and be independent and not need him for absolutely anything at all.

There are other jobs

there is counseling go to independent one not related to HR,believe me ,many of us have had rough starts and almost threw out the baby with the bath water.

She could work for Red Cross doing blood screens with finger sticks.

She can speak to her bank and discuss management of her loans to avoid default.

She can find an agency that sends you on a variety of less stressful temp jobs.

Everything happens for a reason,and this tough time will make her really strong AS LONG AS SHE DUMPS THAT LOSER.He sounds like a narcissist and those are vampire demons.

We are in her corner,keep us posted,best of luck and good wishes.

[hannahgb]

Dad--you need to back off and let happen what will happen--be there to help pick up the pieces-brush her off and send her off on her own--She also needs to boot the boyfriend or male person in her life as he is abusive--Preceptors can be a big pain and they probably don't click and the preceptor probably doesn't want to do the job--she is in a no win situation all around--either she has a meeting with preceptor and management to help fix the situation or she needs to leave or find a mentor who will help her out

[Flatlander]

I have experienced job loss as a new grad in a similar hospital unit with a 12 week orientation. I was let go at the end of the orientation. I, too, was devastated and felt blindsided, not knowing until the axe fell. In my grief and anger I could not accept the offer that was extended to me to apply for job on a less acute unit. My advice to your daughter is to get up, put herself together and talk to the nurse recruiter at the hospital about other jobs that are a better fit. Hurt pride is a hindrance she cannot afford now. As for you, Dad, heed the advice here on the best ways for you to help your daughter become strong and self-reliant. Best of luck.