Please help me, I am at the end of my rope

[NurseCard]

Hi. I am posting here because I really don't know where else to post. I am looking for support and possibly advice. Actually, I really need to vent just a little.

I am a new nurse, eight months out of nursing school. I work on a med surge floor and see ALL SORTS of patients; mostly adults but some children. I am very unhappy, miserable actually, and I really don't know what to do or where to go from here. I feel very stupid. Things happen all the time that I feel like I don't know how to handle, and I forget things that are crucial and important.

Okay, case in point. This morning I get a phone call from the nurse that I gave report to. She says that one of the patients that I took care of has reported that, all night long, she has been having bloody diarrhea, and this morning her H + H were low. I WAS NOT MADE AWARE OF THIS AT ALL. However, I DID know that she went to the bathroom around midnight and had some slight red blood. I called the doctor to tell him about this and about the diarrhea. However, I don't think I ever charted that I had called him. I charted that I called him the FIRST time about this same woman, earlier in the night, but I don't think I charted on the call about the diarrhea. We have computer charting so I could go back and make a late entry tonight, but how would that look?????

I am constantly scared, CONSTANTLY scared of screwing up. I'm constantly scared of situations popping up and not knowing what to do. I'm scared of getting sued. I'm scared of losing my license. I'm just SCARED and STRESSED and I don't know what to do!!!!!!!!!! I can't go back to being a counter jock at a convenience store, fer chrissakes.

I just really don't know what to do. I really need to find an area that I'm more confortable with. I love kids, and I have a huge heart for taking care of them. We have a large children's hospital nearby that has job openings, in med-surge and ER. But the FEAR, the ANXIETY... it's still there!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I also like mental health patients, but the state mental hospitals don't pay very well I don't believe.

I just think I made a huge mistake, going into this field. I get so frustrated. I get impatient. I feel trapped. I constantly feel like an idiot.

I feel stupid just typing all of this. You can tell that I really have zero confidence or faith in myself. I really would like to take care of kids because I love them and I enjoy taking care of them much more than adults. But there's that fear again, of screwing up, badly.

What am I going to do????

[lsyorke, RN]

"Why do some nurses feel compelled to call others at home and tell them everything they felt the other nurse did wrong? Sorry that is a pet peeve of mine."

OMG I can't agree with you more!!! And just what was she suppose to do from home????? Once again the nursing eats their own attitude. I have recieved calls at home for some of the stupidest things. It isn't up to one shift to correct every problem that arises nursing is a 24 hour job and if you find something, fix it!!!!!!!!

As a new nurse relax, it does get easier, but the anxiety is always there. After 20 years of doing this I still get anxious at times and as a new grad its much worse. Hang in there and remember every mistake is a learning experience!:)

[Rapheal]

Originally posted by Noney

Why do some nurses feel compelled to call others at home and tell them everything they felt the other nurse did wrong? Sorry that is a pet peeve of mine.

Calling you didn't change the outcome whatsoever, you could have been notified when you went back to work, instead of worrying about it on your time off.

Noney

I guarantee that you will find nurses like this and later find out that their nursing skills are far less than those they complain about.

Anyhow..... All my support and encouragement to you. Med-surg is very diverse and complicated by it's sheer number of different dx's and situations. You will do fine. Hang in there. :)

[P_RN, ADN, RN]

Please don't give up on your dreams. Here I am 59 almost 60 years old and what you wrote hit me right in the heart! I have been there, you have and we ALL have been in a situation exactly like yours. It gets easier, it really does. Stress and anxiety seem to be PREREQS of becoming and staying a nurse.

As far as the anxiety.....if the Paxil helps, shoot get back on it......the old adage that just as a diabetic shouldn't be ashamed of need ing insulin, those of us who need other meds should not hesitate to take them.

I'm on Zoloft AND WellbutrinSR. You should have seen me when I decided to get off.......BAD decision.

It takes time to learn to prioritize. For several years I carried a dog eared index card with.....

1. clock in....

2. get report

3. do assessment and meds

4. document/chart.......

it went all the way down to ge I&O and CHART.(always my biggest buggaboo in forgetting) I spent many a dollar on long distance begging the next shift to PLEASE enter my I&Os.

I even had Clock out on the list. Sounds silly now but it helped.

And as far as being called at home, I think there are just some mean, mean, mean people who get off on doing stuff like this to you. I once got a 1 am call and I swear the night nurse asked me "Why so and so doctor ordered something......." because she didn't want to "bother the doc" but bothering me was OK.

[Stitchie]

RealNurseWitch

I, too, am a new grad, struggling with many of the same anxieties and issues that you have stated. For me, the answer was to leave the department, but it was because of a bad bad bad manager. I had FIVE weeks of orientation on a heavy unit -- vents/non-tele ICU stepdown -- and I felt as if I was crashing at the end of every single shift. When my husband said I wasn't the same person who started at this job six months ago, it was time to move on for me.

I also am going to counseling to get a grip on these anxieties and to try to find out what the root of this problem is. I have decided to work part - time, hoping that will relieve some of the horrendous anxiety I felt every time I went to work. I was on one of "those" units where the nurses would run to the nurse manager for any petty problem they could make up or dig up. We all make mistakes. New grads make more mistakes, just getting used to the dx's, routines, drugs, populations.

If some time off will work for you, or part-time will work for you, perhaps this will allow you to process the day's events and de-stress. Stress can really play tricks with your head and being in the situation less may help. Just IMO.

You are not alone!