Please help...How can I handle my professor?

[toriphile23]

Hi,

I need some advice. I have a problem with my nursing instructor and I don't know how to handle it.

We were having our clinicals, 6 am, on Tuesday and as usual, we did our VS and PA on our patients. My 2nd pt was d/c on Tuesday, so I have to pick a new pt. I did all that for both pts, charted before 8 am. It was our 2nd day of giving PO meds, and I was all excited, and at the same time, nervous bout it. I totally forgot to do pt care such as bathing the pt and changing the linens. My professor was in charge of 12 of us, and she was not always with me. So I was waiting for her to give PO meds, but she was not available.

Around 10 am, I started gathering clean sheets and was ready to do pt care on my first pt. All of the sudden she appeared in front of me, and asked me if she had done PO meds with me, and I said no. So I put the linens aside and start showing her the meds that the 2nd pt needed (1st pt went into the bathroom to shower at that time, so we couldn't give the meds to her).

Since the meds are beta blockers and ACE inhibitors, we went into the room and did her BP before deciding giving the pt's meds. A CNA walked into the room and told me that she had already changed the linens for my 1st pt. My response was, "OK". She asked if I wanted her to do the 2nd pt's bed, I said "It's OK, I can do it myself"

After clinicals we had a small conference at 11:45 am before going home. It was at the hospital lobby. I was running a bit late because I was still helping the 2nd pt doing a bath as she was slow. At 11:50 am, I went down stair and my professor and the rest of my class were waiting for me. She stared at me like she's gonna kill me. She stated, "the next time, if pt care was not done by 8 am, you're getting a probation.".

I started to explain to her the reason why I didn't do pt care earlier because I was trying to prepare for meds and was anxious. She didn't want to hear me and threaten me saying, "do you want to get a probation NOW?" in front of all my classmates with all the visitors in the hospital. I stood there dumbfounded and quietly replied no.

The next morning she came in with her usual bad mood and handed me a probation. She wrote on the probation saying I didn't follow the routine of care. But the thing I couldn't believe was she stated that I was being "very defensive" and having "bad manners". I was not satisfied and didn't want to be accused for something that I didn't do. So I went up to her and tried to explain to her, and she cut me off again by saying, "I heard what you said to the CNA, you said 'OK'...you should've said 'THANK YOU'", in front of all my classmates. I was almost choked with tears. She said, "if you don't like what I wrote, you can go to the dean and change professor...do you want that?" I stood there, frozen, and speechless. And at the end I gathered courage and said no, she forced me to sign the probation.

I find her to be so unapproachable and intimidating. She threatened me, and to all of us, but none of us have the courage to complain because we waited so long to get into the program and we didn't want to lose this opportunity. During winter session, she even made racist remarks on me in front of 60 students because I'm an Asian, until I stopped her. She's not nurturing at all, and she threw her tantrum on us without reasons. I don't understand this, but I haven't seen a professor like her in all my college and university life.

Now the question is...what should I do?

I heard the dean was even harder to approach. Someone suggested that I could approach the dean of the academy and explain the scenario to him/her. I didn't want to feel unsafe and intimidated anymore because we are all adults, and we should have the right to express our feelings. I have been a good student all the while and have been getting good grades. It's against my culture to fight against a professor, but at this point, I have no choice but to do something because I do not want to have anymore sleepless nights just because of this issue. I rather have sleepless nights for studying hard for my exams.

[TDub, MSN, EdD]

Hi Tubby!

Sad thing is, I am!

On grovelling: erika and hillflower, I definitely see what you mean about prostrating yourself in apology. I say 'grovel' in jest--I'm not actually ruing my good suit by crawling in the dirt. I don't condone it in most instances normally, either. I don't tolerate run of the mill abuse from patients or families (When they just want to be nasty and hurtful not lashing out in fear. Your example of :"but I have seen people scream at nurses for being held up in the ED only to get it together very quickly as soon as the physician enters the exam room" is a perfect example) or certainly any abuse whatsoever from staff.

We should stand up for ourselves. It's our right as human beings, much less women, men or professionals to be treated civilly and with respect. We are NOT "customer service" in the modern sense of the word--we keep you healthy, not placated. I loathe this idea that has permeated society; the instant gratification/sucks to be you/me first/you peon attitude. Grr. I want people to do their jobs right too, but I know I'm not Queen of the May.

I don't teach my students this, in fact, we have little roles plays about how to handle screaming staff because I know it will happen to them at some point in their career.

hillflower writes: "some of what i have read hear sounds like being a nurse means you have to tolerate abuse by patients, families, co-workers, people in positions of authority as part of the job." There is an important distinction to be made. No one is asking us to tolerate abuse as part of the job. We do however need to understand motives and redirect them.

1.The doc is screaming because he thinks his authority is challenged. You make it clear you are not challenging him, you are asking for clarification on an order, reminding him of a lab value, informing him his patient just became eclamptic and so on. (You say this in a low calm voice and add when he can discuss this like a professional, he can page you and walk away)

2. The ED pt is screaming and throwing feces because he wants narcs. You tell him calmly that until he can act like an adult you will not be able to discuss his need for pain relief and walk away. Disclaimer--this may not work for you. I can get away with it because I am tubby, er, an august personage, almost 6 feet tall and can look as imperially scary as Catherine the Great when I try. (I have a kid with NLD. It's easy after dealing with him)

3. The widow is out of her mind with grief and yelling "you killed him, you killed him!" You say quietly, "I'm so sorry, you loved him so much. He was very important to you" and so on and don't walk away. This sounds terribly stupid and simplistic, but it did work for me one time. It's a matter of perception. From a family member two weeks later with a lawyer in tow, it's venal, money-grubbing crap and not to be tolerated. You would say "You'll have to speak to the hospital lawyer." From her, it's grief in the heat of the moment and her feelings expressed.

Stupid jokes aside, I am sorry I disturbed you. I wish I had been more specific in my explanation. I heartily agree with you on all points but one: when someone's loved one is dying, I don't want to stand on "my rights". They are anxious beyond human limits, they are in turmoil, frightened, wild with grief and looking for anyone, anything upon whichto vent their feelings. Explaining why I'm late won't help and will just make their upset worse. They want acknowledgement of their pain, someone to say they are sorry for what's happening to them. I know how I would feel if my child was dying and howling in pain and the nurse took an hour and half to arrive. I would be inconsolable. I wouldn't have given a rat's behind if I-94 was backed up for 19 miles. She should have gotten out of the car, flapped her wings and flown to my house!

Compassion is not 'sucking it up'. When did considering others' circumstances become some kind of loss to us? Isn't that one of the reasons we became nurses in the first place? Saying you're sorry doesn't mean you're responsible. It offers comfort to people in pain. "I'm sorry it took so long, I'm sorry this is so hard for you, I'm sorry the treatment isn't working; I'll try something else, I'm so sorry about your son; he sounds like he was a sweet little boy" lets them know someone else is trying to see from their POV.

Re-reading that last paragraph, I sound kind of snotty and self righteous. Sorry. I don't mean to cast aspersions on anyone's statements. I think the posters that have disagreed with me have some valid points and have stated their views in a very clear and well constructed manner. I also don't think that they are saying they would rather stand on their rights than be compassionate. It is quite evident erika and hillflower among many others here are excellent nurses and I would be happy to have any one take care of me.

Thank you for wading through my interminably long posts......

[morte, LPN, LVN]

[quote

About "tarred with the same brush", many people think tarring and feathering is the origin of that phrase. It's not. Tarring and feathering is an American practice dating from about 1740 or so. It had nothing to do with being black; it was a punishment of whites disapproving of other whites. British Tories, Socialists and tax agents have been tnf'd. "Tarred with the same brush" is a more European term from 100 years later. This guy says it better than I could:

"The origin is the verb to tar, meaning to defile or dirty, known from the early years of the seventeenth century. The idiom appears in print first in 1818, in one of Sir Walter Scott’s novels, Rob Roy: “They are a’ tarr’d wi’ the same stick — rank Jacobites and Papists.” Our modern form appears in William Cobbett’s Rural Rides in 1823: “‘You are all tarred with the same brush’, said the sensible people of Maidstone.”

The idea behind it is that two individuals who have been liberally daubed or painted with the same tar brush look much the same and so appear to have the same characteristics. The links of the colour black with matters that were detestable, dishonourable or evil also added to the negative sense."

World Wide Words is copyright © Michael Quinion, 1996–2007. All rights reserved.

Site: http://www.worldwidewords.org/qa/qa-tar1.htm

this is not an example of idiomatic english that is used by any one i know, and perhaps not your former student either.....the expression that i am familiar with is "painted with the same brush"

[morte, LPN, LVN]

[Q] From David Fosse: “I used the phrase, tarred with the same brush recently, meaning, guilty of the same behavior, or acting in the same manner as someone else, or likely to be considered the same as someone else because of similar behavior. I was speaking to a black colleague at the time. I suddenly stopped and asked if she considered the term racist. She did. I have heard it all my life (as the 60-year-old child of parents who grew up in the south) and am pretty sure that it comes from the practice of tarring and feathering. I am not aware, however, of the full history of that lamentable practice, if it was primarily practiced against blacks or if the act had broader targets. So the question is, can tarred with the same brush be used universally, or does it have a racist history?”

[A] There’s nothing directly racist in its history, though there are such huge sensitivities in the United States and elsewhere over any expression that sounds as though it might be (as, for example, with words and phrases such as niggardly, call a spade a spade, and so on), that the reaction of your colleague is understandable. It also sounds as though it might be connected with the deeply pejorative expression a touch of the tar brush to describe somebody of mixed ancestry, though it’s actually a separate linguistic creation. .............. this is the beginning of the quotation that tdub left the link for but left out of her post, so, apparently there are persons who feel that it is racist, and does appear to be of southern use primarily....which would explain why it is not familiar to me....also tarring and feathering goes back to 12th century england, at least......

[TDub, MSN, EdD]

I bet we're in different parts of the country. I've never heard "painted with the same brush".

My mom and her family say "pure ole D" for very, as in "I was pure ole D fussed at him." They also use "of" for "during" as in "I was sitting on the porch of a night." If I say either of these at work, everyone squints at me with a "Huh?!?" Painted vs tarred is along those lines.

As we say in Norway, "Ikkje hirp med puppene min"--it doesn't matter.

[morte, LPN, LVN]

I bet we're in different parts of the country. I've never heard "painted with the same brush".

My mom and her family say "pure ole D" for very, as in "I was pure ole D fussed at him." They also use "of" for "during" as in "I was sitting on the porch of a night." If I say either of these at work, everyone squints at me with a "Huh?!?" Painted vs tarred is along those lines.

As we say in Norway, "Ikkje hirp med puppene min"--it doesn't matter.

hmmmm accuracy doesnt matter?

[Daytonite, BSN, RN]

You know, I think the title of this thread says a lot. How can I handle my professor? "handle"? To me, that implies looking for ways to manipulate or gain control over the other person. First rule of behavior. . .you can only change your own.

Students are supposed to follow instructions they are given. Not doing that is likely to turn into a safety issue down the road when other instructions get ignored. I will agree that maybe the instructor in this incident wasn't exactly tactful, but you know, she's not here to give her side of the story, is she? And, we all know that there are two sides to every story. Every action results in a reaction. Being argumentative with a supervisor, and a clinical instructor IS a supervisor, who is more on the authoritarian side is absolute suicide. The only person you can "handle" is yourself. Until someone is ready to change their own behavior, they should expect these kinds of upheavals in their life. Sorry if that's not what you want to hear, but it would be a disservice not to point this out.

I also want to comment and correct this business of the idea of asian people being taught to be respectful since I live in and am part of the asian culture. It is not true that all Asians are respectful, polite, docile and patient or what other stereotype you've imagined. They/we are people, like any other people. I have several highly educated, very aggressive and shrewish asian sister-in-laws that will eagerly rip someone's eyes out in a New York minute if it will get them closer to what they want. And, they'll do it while they are smiling at you pretending to respectfully be your friend. What's so intriguing is how they are able to rein it in and control their behavior when they need to. I've witnessed some vicious arguments among immediate asian family members that almost came to blows. So much for respectful, polite, docile and patient. My point is that Asians are no different than any other people in the world. They can have bad behavior and bad character too.

[morte, LPN, LVN]

i took it as "deal with" , but a smart student will want to know how to 'handle" in your sense as well.....

[Daytonite, BSN, RN]

Never assume.

A manipulative person who wants to get their own way will want to know how to "handle" somebody. Check these two words (handle and deal) in a dictionary.

• handle (verb) - to operate or manipulate; to manage; control; direct
  
• deal (verb) - comes from the word to divide and share. Means to portion out, distribute, to give; to act or conduct oneself fairly with others.

:stone I rest my case.

[morte, LPN, LVN]

Never assume.

A manipulative person who wants to get their own way will want to know how to "handle" somebody. Check these two words (handle and deal) in a dictionary.

• handle (verb) - to operate or manipulate; to manage; control; direct
  
• deal (verb) - comes from the word to divide and share. Means to portion out, distribute, to give; to act or conduct oneself fairly with others.

:stone I rest my case.

.....and everyone of us, consciously or unconsciously, manipulate our environment and the persons in it, every day......this may be another example of regional use of language.......

[gr8rnpjt, RN]

Hi,

During winter session, she even made racist remarks on me in front of 60 students because I'm an Asian, until I stopped her.

To me, this is the essence of what went wrong with this teacher/student relationship. I would be interested in knowing more about this exchange, as I feel it is really at the heart of what went wrong with this whole situation. If OP could provide more detail about this exchange, I think a lot of questions may be answered.

[Daytonite, BSN, RN]

.....and everyone of us, consciously or unconsciously, manipulate our environment and the persons in it, every day......this may be another example of regional use of language.......

You're beating a dead horse. :deadhorse English is English. Even idiomatic usage has a basis in the definitions of words + attitude added for effect.

[Myxel67]

This entire thread brings up much of what is wrong with nursing education today. Often it's impossible to win with an instructor who loves to exercise power over her students. It's very likely that if OP had not taken another pt, she would have been chastised for trying to get away with an easy day--apparently, she didn't complain about the OP taking the other pt. Also, I read the instructor's comment that "if she doesn't like it she can see the dean and change professors" as a threat. What do you think usually happens to a student who tries to change clinical instructors after beginning of term?

Many nursing school instructors don't know how to deal with today's students--we're often older and working on second or third careers--and they are still harping on having to teach us how to think critically.

If it's "just her style," the instructor needs to make some changes. It was just Don Imus's style to make the comments he made about the Rutgers' Women's basketball team.

Because of her position, a teacher wields a certain power and must be careful not to abuse that power.