Please critique my new grad cover letter!

[YumCookies, BSN, RN]

Dear Hiring Manager,

I am writing to state my interest as a surgical nurse at Some Hospital. I graduated from the University of Xxx in December 2014 and believe my work experiences will be extremely beneficial to your facility.

As noted on my resume, I obtained excellent clinical skills as a nursing associate of the Xxx internship at Xxx Medical Center. For 320 hours, I worked closely with a registered nurse preceptor on a medical floor administering medications and performing nursing procedures under her direct supervision. My technical skills vastly improved from this experience as well as my ability to communicate with members of the medical team.

In December 2013, I participated in Xxx International Partnership for two weeks. During my stay I have interviewed, assessed, and provided patient education to over 50 citizens of Xxx. This experience helped develop my assessment skills tremendously as well as how to provide culturally competent care to my patients.

Furthermore, I have worked as a certified nursing assistant at Xxx Medical Center for four months on the very same medical floor on which I had my internship. This position has increased my comfort in the hospital environment and has taught me how to stay organized with multiple tasks and heavy patient loads.

I would be grateful for an opportunity to meet with you at the time of your convenience to further discuss my background, qualifications, and interests. I will get in touch with you the week of December 29. If you have any questions or inquiries I can be reached at XXX-XXX-XXXX or via email at [email protected]

Thank you for your time and consideration; I anticipate hearing from you shortly.

Sincerely,

Yum Cookies

[Iliauna]

I hate to say this cause I know you've probably spent hours on this but the cover letter is your opportunity to sell yourself. This is better for your résumé (to detail what you've done and your skills). Talk about why YOU are going to be a great nurse, your values (mirror yours from their mission/values statement) and what could set you apart. Leave some of this in but I'm sure you have tons more than your experience that makes you great.

[Iliauna]

Also don't say you'll contact them. Let them lead they're the recruiter I know some people put this but I've worked as a recruiter for years before nursing and technically it's just not the same step. Also it's good to put "I look forward to speaking with you" instead of all that other stuff, shows confidence.

[YumCookies, BSN, RN]

Iliauna thank you for the feedback. I've been told in the past by clinical instructors/professors/supervisors that I am hardworking, passionate, competent, and that I have a good attitude - so what? Anyone can just state those things in their cover letter...how do I demonstrate that better and set myself apart from other applicants?

[Iliauna]

Try this:

I am compassionate, hardworking, and loyal (insert any adjective that fits), and have a strong technical as well as interpersonal skill set (put what you're good at). These capabilities coupled with my passion for service and evidence based practice (insert whatever they are all about) are what I have to offer the nursing team at XYZ hospital.

Also do a tid bit about what nursing is to you in a sentence or two. For example: I strive to improve the lives of my patients and their families by creating an environment that fosters positivity and healing.

Something that let's them see who you are instead of just what you have done. It's basically a pitch to get an interview so you can tell more.

[ArrowRN, BSN, RN]

I agree with IIiauna, I stopped reading at the first line of the second paragraph. Put yourself in a mangers shoes, they got lots of letter you read, and you got to catch their attention promptly with something unique which would want to make them keep reading and to call you back. Keep working at it.

[scaredsilly, BSN, RN]

The resume should cover all of this, the cover letter should be more personal (to the facility) more about how you would fit in there, than a repeat of the resume.

First paragraph:

I am writing to state my interest in a posted position as a registered nurse.. (leave out surgical--it limits your opportunities). I believe my educational background and work experience will a good fit for Some hospital. Next:If you did any clinicals there, add this: During my (whatever clinicals) at this facility I found the staff to be excellent and the learning opportunities to be far greater than expected at a facility of this size (or something similar depending on the situation. If you did not do any clinicals there, then leave that part out obviously. Next: Do you research! First look up the facility online and check out their mission statement. Then if you can honestly say it:

"your core values of blabety, and blahbety, and blah and blah and blah perfectly mirror my own personal nursing philosophy".

Next paragraph, say something about "I am particularly interested in the opportunity to learn and grow in an environment that blah blah blah". Expound on that depending on what kind of floor it is, whether they offer a new grad program, ect. All of this is to show you did your homework and you understand the environment in which you are asking for an opportunity to work, but don't be dishonest, really make the research fit your goals. The person reading it by now will know that you aren't just looking for any old job, but are truly vested in working THERE.

End with something like this:

My resume outlines my skills and experience, but can onlytell you a little about my enthusiasm. I would be grateful for an opportunityto meet with you at your convenience to further discuss my background,qualifications, interests, and how I might fit into the Some hospital family.

Thank you for your timeand consideration; I anticipate hearing from you shortly.

That's it, short, sweet and smart! If you did work there either as a CNA, or in a clinical, you can always mention something like "my former preceptor (or charge nurse) can verify my enthusiasm and passion to learn".

[Iliauna]

I agree with scared silly ^

But just something I heard happen to a friend. She listed a preceptor as her reference and because the manager wasn't a fan of her (diff units) it cost her the job. Always be careful who is your reference if it's a small hospital.