Personality question for the guys (and any gals who might have an opinion)

Published

Okay, I have a question for some of you guys (and any gals who are looking around who might have an opinon on this): I'm a woman who spent several years in a male dominated field (military), and as such, I'm pretty accustomed to off color jokes, etc. During that time, I got used to having to take charge of things in my unit, and bascially act as a man would in order to gain the respect of my peers. Now that I'm entering a female dominated field, I'm wondering if the traits I developed in the military to deal with my all male coworkers are going to become a hindrance. There are certain characteristics that I feel will be beneficial to my patients, but at the same time, I don't want to tread on any toes by seeming disrespectful. To make the situation worse, I live in the South, where women are supposed to be meek and mild and stay at home (at least in the small town where I live).

So, guys (and gals); do you think you would rather work with someone who is straight forward and to the point, or someone who is more feminine (in the sense of being mild mannered)? Mind you, there are only a handful of males in my class of 40 (around 7, I think), but many of the women are the epitome of the Southern belle.

Any input is appreciated...

Specializes in FNP, Peds, Epilepsy, Mgt., Occ. Ed.
There's nothing wrong with a Southern Belle. I've known a number of Southern Belles who could be quite assertive when they needed to be.

There is a fine line between being straight forward and to the point and being tactless and disrespectful. How you present yourself will determine how you are regarded. If you respect others they will respect you. Quiet competence will win over loud arrogance very time. What you bring to the table is what people will recognize in you. There is no need to "prove" yourself.

Asking the prom queen to turn off the cell phone is not disrespectful, she is the disrespectful one and probably needed the quick witted jab to wake her up. Good for you (and the others in the class).

You have arrived at this point in your life with the social skills needed to get the job done. It's no different here than in any other career field.

:D :chuckle

:yeahthat:

I agree with flyer here. Straightforward but respectful.

I'm a born and bred Southern lady. Belle? I don't know. You'd have to ask my friends. I am known for being pretty straightforward and blunt at times. I think, most of the time, I do that without being offensive.

I've also worked in a mostly-male environment, in industry, and was able to earn the respect of the men I worked with because I knew what I was doing and because I treated people fairly. I didn't have to out-curse anybody to earn respect, and I would suggest that if you're in the South, particularly small-town, and work with a middle aged or older population, you watch the language.

When I hear the term Southern Belle, I think of the Steel Magnolias I've known (not the movie, the real live ones).

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Med-Surg/Peds/O.R./Legal/cardiology.

I am a Southern Belle to the bone (born and raised in Alabama). I much prefer a person to be straightforward and to the point, but NOT rude or arrogant. Tact is key. Don't be deceived-- A true, charming Southern Belle can tell it like it is in the most "poliiite mannah" with no profanity...

:wshgrt:

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Med-Surg/Peds/O.R./Legal/cardiology.

Oh, BTW---- This is off topic but :igtsyt: If the South is so bad and backwards why are so many damn Yankees moving down here trying to change a good thing to the hole they just left??

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Oh, BTW---- This is of topic but :igtsyt: If the South is so bad and backwards why are so many damn Yankees moving down here trying to change a good thing to the hole they just left??

I don't think that the South is bad at all. My husband was born and raised in the small town where we live. There are some aspects of Southern life that I find myself becoming more and more accustomed to, and I don't think that everything should change, but perhaps a few small things could use tweaking. For instance, where we live, many people of one race live on one side of the tracks, the rest on the other. It's not a mandate, but a choice that they make to live there. And I wouldn't necessarily call the North a 'hole', but I am from the Southwest (AZ) and I wouldn't change anything there either. I think that people are people no matter where they live, and having lived all over the US during my years in the military, I can tell you that the major things don't change.

I like living here, because if I get a flat on the side of the road, someone will stop and help me. If I'm walking out of the store with an arm full of bags, someone will open the door for me, and if I'm walking down the street, people stop to say "Good morning". These are the things I enjoy about my town, and I'm sure many others feel the same.

Perhaps I should clarify that I know quite a few Southern women who are polite, well mannered, and still straight to the point. They just phrase things differently than perhaps women would in other parts of the country. But there will always be women (and men too) who would rather rest on their laurels and do the minimum to get by, and there are just as many who fight against the stereotype. I wouldn't say that anyone with a Southern accent is of less than average intelligence, but the preconception is there. It's simply a matter of choosing to live the stereotype, or live above it.

In my initial post, I was referring to the stereotype, but perhaps I could have chosen better words. I will keep this in mind for next time..:smackingf

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Peri-op/Sub-Acute ANP.

With the qualities and characteristics you describe I think you would make a GREAT OR nurse!

Up Vote Up Vote ×

This is a period of evaluation. New. Nurse. Student. That's triple evaluation.

Certain aspects of military life are a tremendous advantage in nursing school. Namely accountability and maturity. Instructors love accountability and maturity.

Other aspects of military life are a tremendous disadvantage. Namely the military tendency to make a quick decision, whether its right or not. Don't take charge unless you are 100% certain you will be successful in improving the situation and making things better.

Nursing school is very, very similar to what life was like when I was in basic training.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in SICU.

You know, it strikes me as... I dunno, judgmental maybe?... that you use terms like "prom queen" when describing what is probably a young and pretty, albeit rude, woman... and how you refer to the "sitting at home and baking" and "catty, unambitious" women by whom you are surrounded.

You may not have meant it, but you really have insulted this southern woman with these stereotypes. Are NO northern women, or southwestern women, catty or unambitious? Is every single northern or southwestern woman straightforward? Do none of them ever bat their eyelashes coyly? Are all of them unfailingly polite? Ambitious? Intelligent? Spare me the sweeping generalizations. Please.

Just because we southern gals expect courtesy and manners from our men doesn't mean we're brainless twits. Just because some of us take pride in being wives and mothers doesn't mean we're unambitious. Yes, things are different down here... but that doesn't mean they're bad, nor does it mean that you're better. As for THIS southern belle, I can assure you that I am no man's doormat. I am outspoken, a strong advocate for my patients, and I do not tolerate a wispy-breath'd fool any more than the stoutest yankee out there would... or, for that matter... a woman who's been around men so much that she acts like one.

Yes, I expect my husband to treat me like he cherishes me, because I AM worth that and he knows it. I expect that the men in my life will treat me like a lady, and open doors, tip their hats, stand up when I sit at a table, and so on. I'm also smart, I'm ambitious, I work hard and I'm damned good at what I do. I challenge anyone to try and outnurse THIS southern belle.

And, for the record... I may not have been a "prom" queen, but I WAS a homecoming queen. No one had to instruct ME on how to act in class. That kind of stuff happens all over the country, NOT just in the south. Bad behavior knows no boundaries. I've travelled enough to know that!

As for how you should act in nursing school... well, just be yourself. I appreciate people who are to the point... and hopefully you will come to appreciate your southern sisters a bit more than you obviously do now.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in SICU.
I don't think that the South is bad at all. My husband was born and raised in the small town where we live. There are some aspects of Southern life that I find myself becoming more and more accustomed to, and I don't think that everything should change, but perhaps a few small things could use tweaking. For instance, where we live, many people of one race live on one side of the tracks, the rest on the other. It's not a mandate, but a choice that they make to live there. And I wouldn't necessarily call the North a 'hole', but I am from the Southwest (AZ) and I wouldn't change anything there either. I think that people are people no matter where they live, and having lived all over the US during my years in the military, I can tell you that the major things don't change.

I like living here, because if I get a flat on the side of the road, someone will stop and help me. If I'm walking out of the store with an arm full of bags, someone will open the door for me, and if I'm walking down the street, people stop to say "Good morning". These are the things I enjoy about my town, and I'm sure many others feel the same.

Perhaps I should clarify that I know quite a few Southern women who are polite, well mannered, and still straight to the point. They just phrase things differently than perhaps women would in other parts of the country. But there will always be women (and men too) who would rather rest on their laurels and do the minimum to get by, and there are just as many who fight against the stereotype. I wouldn't say that anyone with a Southern accent is of less than average intelligence, but the preconception is there. It's simply a matter of choosing to live the stereotype, or live above it.

In my initial post, I was referring to the stereotype, but perhaps I could have chosen better words. I will keep this in mind for next time..:smackingf

In my haste to post I didn't read this thoroughly... and I do appreciate your clarification.

Good luck with school... and I agree with the poster who said you need to work in the OR. The surgeons will just LOOOOVE you!! :devil: Hehe...

Up Vote Up Vote ×

SICU Queen, thank you for rereading my post. One of the things that I like about having to communicate in writing is that it makes you think twice about what you say (or write). I do appreciate the Southern women who make me proud to live here, and perhaps I did use a judgemental term for the prom queen who interuppted class. I'll admit that I probably could have found a better descriptive.

There are a great number of differences in the women where I live and the ones where I come from, and not all of the differences are negative. I have great respect for women who can handle staying at home and caring for their families, as I recognize that it takes a very special person to do this. I also know that I understand myself well enough to know that it is not a life I would choose for myself, and I think that is what makes the difference.

During my prereq classes, the students seemed to fall into two categories: the young, pretty girls who wore high heels with designer jeans to school, carried their cell phones like a part of their body, and constantly disrupted the class, failed to pay attention, and barely got by, and group 2) the ones who showed up on time or early, studied hard, and got good grades not because they wanted the ego boost, but because they really wanted to understand the information. Most of the people in the second group were older, and most of the people in the first group were between 17 and 23. At some points, I felt like I was back in high school again. In either case, it is the people in the first group that annoy me, not because they are pretty, or because they wear fancy clothes, but because they are wasting my time and the professor's by not being respectful in class. I'm sure that I will run into more of these type of people in my nursing classes, and unlike my shop in the military, I can't just reassign them, or try to retrain them! What I can try to do (as I have always done) is treat them accordingly, and try to be a good role model, as I seem to fall smack dab in the middle between the two groups (age wise AND personality wise). If they need help, and seem to truly want to learn, I'm the first one to offer, but if they are just trying to get a copy of my notes to pass the test the next day, I just smile and walk away. I can't illustrate with words how I know the difference, I just do.

In any case, I meant no offense to anyone, and I will try harder to remember that I'm not in the military anymore, and adjust my verbiage accordingly.

Thanks again! :cheers:

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in SICU.
SICU Queen, thank you for rereading my post. One of the things that I like about having to communicate in writing is that it makes you think twice about what you say (or write). I do appreciate the Southern women who make me proud to live here, and perhaps I did use a judgemental term for the prom queen who interuppted class. I'll admit that I probably could have found a better descriptive.

There are a great number of differences in the women where I live and the ones where I come from, and not all of the differences are negative. I have great respect for women who can handle staying at home and caring for their families, as I recognize that it takes a very special person to do this. I also know that I understand myself well enough to know that it is not a life I would choose for myself, and I think that is what makes the difference.

During my prereq classes, the students seemed to fall into two categories: the young, pretty girls who wore high heels with designer jeans to school, carried their cell phones like a part of their body, and constantly disrupted the class, failed to pay attention, and barely got by, and group 2) the ones who showed up on time or early, studied hard, and got good grades not because they wanted the ego boost, but because they really wanted to understand the information. Most of the people in the second group were older, and most of the people in the first group were between 17 and 23. At some points, I felt like I was back in high school again. In either case, it is the people in the first group that annoy me, not because they are pretty, or because they wear fancy clothes, but because they are wasting my time and the professor's by not being respectful in class. I'm sure that I will run into more of these type of people in my nursing classes, and unlike my shop in the military, I can't just reassign them, or try to retrain them! What I can try to do (as I have always done) is treat them accordingly, and try to be a good role model, as I seem to fall smack dab in the middle between the two groups (age wise AND personality wise). If they need help, and seem to truly want to learn, I'm the first one to offer, but if they are just trying to get a copy of my notes to pass the test the next day, I just smile and walk away. I can't illustrate with words how I know the difference, I just do.

In any case, I meant no offense to anyone, and I will try harder to remember that I'm not in the military anymore, and adjust my verbiage accordingly.

Thanks again! :cheers:

Hey, it's all good... and I do understand about those two "groups" and the set who show up and bug the mess out of the rest of us who want to learn... I think that's a universal affliction; it was the same when I was in school and that was in '89.

They'll either "get it" or they'll get out, lol... :cheers:

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Good luck with school... and I agree with the poster who said you need to work in the OR. The surgeons will just LOOOOVE you!! :devil: Hehe...

:roll:rotfl::hehe:

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Join the Discussion