In this article, the author discusses our dealings with perfectionism, in ourselves and in others. Do you have an internal "Perfect-o Meter?"
NursesGeneral NursingArticle
The phone rang loudly besides me, it's electronic clanging disrupting the peaceful thoughts that floated through my mind as I enjoyed a first cup of morning coffee on the porch. "You forgot to enter a note on Mrs. S for Interdisciplinary Team Meeting this morning. Can you fix that by 8 a.m.? After quick "I'm sorries" and a few pleasantries, we hung up and I walked over to the computer. A few minutes later, task completed, I returned to my now-cool coffee and sat down only to hear the nurse in my head, the one with the "Perfect-o Meter" set on "10" wagging a scolding finger at me and singing that old song, "You're no good, you're no good, baby, you're no good." I shook my head to shoo her away and calmly addressed her accusation with reality: I am a wonderful nurse, experienced and caring. Yes, I make mistakes. But I keep moving forward."
After the imaginary conversation was over, I tried to return to my morning meditation time, holding the re-heated cup of coffee to warm my chilly hands, enjoying the day off. But I couldn't stop thinking about the small omission and the drive to perfection. How do we cope with "the perfect nurse" of our imagination? Even harder, how do we cope with the real life nurse-sometimes our managers or co-workers-who really do seem to have it all together, never make mistakes, and have their Perfect-o Meters set on a steady "10"?
First, a pause for consideration. The truth is no one is perfect. All of us are humans and do make mistakes of omission and of commission. Mistakes of omission, like mine, can be either unimportant in the scheme of things or more serious. Depending on the type of work we do, we can all supply examples. Simply forgetting to do something, to chart something, to add something, can have unintended consequences. On the other hand, omissions can also involve leaving work for the next shift or careless management of our time so that we are unable to complete the work before us. Whether it is a mistake of omission or commission-doing something that is not exactly right-we are often left discouraged with ourselves, processing the same event over and over, wishing we could fix it. Unfortunately, when this happens we tend to mentally compare ourselves with others.
So how do we deal with our own Perfect-o Meter's setting and also deal with others? Mistakes are one thing,but there is also the general day-to-day nursing where someone whose meter is set on high can make us feel inadequate-even when we are doing a good job. Or the other side of that-if our meter is set higher we can feel critical of other nurses' efforts and try to do too much because we feel no one else does it as well as we do. Either approach can be defeating and leave us burnt out and sad.
One way to begin to cope with this is simple acceptance of who we are and how we are made. Now this doesn't mean excusing ourselves for our bad behaviors, "Oh, I just blow up like that." or "I can't help it if I am slow." There are always things in our inner make-up that we need to work to improve; but there is a great deal of beauty in acknowledging that we are "fearfully and wonderfully made" and that is not just a description of physical bodies but also our personalities and dispositions.
A car with a full tank doesn't run better than a car with a half a tank. They both run just fine. The amount of gas that propels them forward is irrelevant to the ultimate arrival at their destination.
We all have natural Perfect-o Meters. While one is set on a high "10", another nurse, also an excellent clinician may be set at a more casual "7.5." This doesn't mean that the 7.5 person is less or more. They simply are. Sometimes we go around disliking ourselves so much that we have little left to offer our patients and our co-workers. Or on the other hand, we exercise little tolerance for those who don't operate quite as efficiently as we do, thereby transmitting that critical vibe that makes others uncomfortable and undermines good working relationships.
So what to do here? First, we learn to love who we are as we are. Let's turn off the mental recordings that sing the "You're no good" song and tell those voices to back off. Instead, we work to find voices of affirmation and encouragement to fill our heart and soul. We try to avoid the toxic people when possible in favor of those who express love and acceptance toward others and who recognize their own worth, no matter where their particular meter is set. When we are full to the brim with quiet confidence, we can make allowances for ourselves and for others. Wherever we are on the Perfect-o Meter, we are good!
