This is arguably one of the most emotionally stressful areas of nursing, depending on your point of view. Of course I would choose this as my area of interest and future specialty. As the saying goes: It's a tough job...but someone's got to do it.
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We had to write a nursing specialty paper in my NR101 class based on what kind of nurse we want to be. You guessed it: I want to be a Pediatric Oncology Nurse. I've been thinking about this for quite some time now, and at one point I wanted to do it all.
Why choose?
I could learn about everything, as time consuming as it might be, and never have to pick just one area. That was before I found it. I can't explain how I know, but this is where I should be. It's where I want to be.
That being said, yes, I do know how difficult it will be. I know how hard it is to see children suffering, at times helpless to do anything but make them as comfortable as possible. It can be downright torturous because so many young lives are lost to that horrible disease, and to watch it happen day after day, it can take atoll on you mentally as well as physically.
I'm well aware.
I hold no illusions nor do I have a hero complex.
I'm not setting out with the belief that I can save every girl and boy in my care, as much as I may want to. I will cry. I will feel like the world is unfair. I will feel angry that those so young and innocent have to suffer so much. I will feel powerless to make any kind of difference. I will feel discouraged.
And then, I will make a child smile. I will ease a parent's fear. I will hold hands and provide support. I will show love and compassion. I will be there. As hard as it is, they deserve a good nurse to be there, and that is what I hope to do.
I understand that it can be emotionally overwhelming. I'm not superwoman and I genuinely care about others in a way that I can, and usually does, hurt.
I know to take care of myself so that I can properly take care of others. A few classmates think I'm a glutton for punishment to work in an area that seldom has positive outcomes. I can't say anything other than it's my place, to help as best I can. I want more than anything to make a real difference in the world. To help others, in any way I can.
Nothing fancy or crazy.
If I can help a family in some way, big or small, I'll be happy. I'm not Mother Theresa. I'm not perfect. I can't explain why I feel this strong need to help others, but it's been there since I was young. In fact, when I was in high school, I wanted to win the lottery and be rich just so I could give the money away to people who need it. My parents thought I was nuts, but I digress.
It's true, I can help others by being a nurse in general, but my heart is in Pediatric Oncology. If I'm being honest, I'm glad I finally figured it out. It helps better guide the direction I want my education to go and really, it just feels good to know what you want to do with your life. To find your purpose, so to speak. Eventually I would like to work at St. Jude Research Hospital. My elementary school used to do an annual walk-a-thon and jump-a-thon to raise money and I always loved that.
It might not make a lot of sense, and most people might not understand it, but that's okay. I'm not looking for reassurance or approval. I know where I'm supposed to be, and I'm going to do everything I can to get there.
