venting: fetal demise - page 2

Warning: I'm venting about a fetal demise, my first, of a full-term, beautiful baby girl. Here goes the story... Had a pt admitted to the hospital at 35+ weeks gestation for diabetic teaching... Read More

  1. by   shearernurse
    As the old cliche goes "I know how you feel." What did you do to get over it, any insight might help.

  2. by   SmilingBluEyes
    I think the key here is, you never get over it. To expect you will is setting yourself up for a high standard that is simply not possible to achieve for most of us.

    What you do do, is, You "get on with it". You learn some things happen for no apparent reason, that are tragic. You cope in varying ways. You talk to friends/collegues. You pray, if inclined, for that family or for strength for yourself. You exercise. You meditate. You take a couple days to recoup and regroup. You love yourself extra tenderly while you are feeling acutely bad emotions about such situations.

    Then as the saying goes, "you get back on the horse and ride again". That, after 10 years doing OB nursing, is what I do, to help get on with my career and life in such horrid situations.
  3. by   PreggersRN
    Does anyone know of any articles that I can share with the staff on our antepartum unit about helping patients cope with fetal demise?
  4. by   Nur_1996
    Im on this site almost every day, just usually reading, only once and a while posting. But I feel so strongly about this post, I must reply. As a mother and a diabetic and a nurse. It is not our job to judge others behaviors, we are there to do our job as a nurse. I lost a son at 23 weeks in utero 16 years ago, ( I was not diabetic then) The autopsy came out with no abnomilies, I wanted a answer.. I could'nt find one, I did all the right things. I went on to have 2 healthy sons in the next couple years. With the support of the nurse who took care of me, she also lost a baby the year before, and support group for early infant loss. It is called "SHARE" it is national, and gives support to parents dealing with infant loss, could also be helpful to the caregivers as well.

    I also like what some of the other posters said about cultural differences and language barriers, that may have played a part, in this as well.
  5. by   Nur_1996
    Here is that website for the "SHARE" support group.
  6. by   alaskabound
    my thoughts exactly. without some serious investigating, its WAY too easy to blame and point fingers. Im not saying that she had the right to be non-compliant with her diabetes and ect. in fact i have strong beliefs as to when life actually begins and that preg mom should be held responsible when found guilty of what i would call negligent infanticide.

    Im really sorry this happened to you. My heart goes out to you. I myself saw a HORRIBLE delivery for my very first student nurse experience. I quit that day, but my dedicated teacher told me to "buck it up" and get back in there. I still need to here those words sometimes again! lol

    anyways, lets say that she was totally noncompliant and just made some crap choices. now a baby is dead. some people do not value life like you do. you cannot force anybody to make a commitment to anything. She may in fact come back and do all the same crap again. SO, how would are YOU going to be the BETTER NURSE? guessing and complaining on how terrible SHE is wont make you better. How can you teach your patients that satisfies the requirement in YOUR OWN EYES?? How can you improve you assessment skills, people skills, ect based on this tragedy. please do NOT take this as me telling you you did anything at all wrong.

    Maybe we can find a way to make this little baby;s life a legacy. Maybe her short time in utero will help you to be a better nurse for hundreds more babies in the future? Maybe you can help to save the next one that comes around? (assuming mom wants her baby to live.)

    Good luck, and YOU sharing the tragedy alone I bet has already begun that baby's legacy in helping rekindle some passion in US.
  7. by   RNmama05
    post deleted
    Last edit by RNmama05 on Aug 2, '08 : Reason: old post
  8. by   cubbynurse
    Quote from redhedgoddess
    Out comes a beautiful, perfect baby girl, 9-10, no cord, no visible anomalies, not recently dead.
    Not a thought, but a question....what do you mean by "no cord"? Does the cord detach when the baby dies in utero? Sorry if this sounds stupid...
  9. by   alaskabound
    Quote from cubbynurse
    Not a thought, but a question....what do you mean by "no cord"? Does the cord detach when the baby dies in utero? Sorry if this sounds stupid...
    maybe no nuchal cord, not around the neck? no question is dumb!
  10. by   RNKatrinaK
    i too had my first fetal demise.... a full term beautiful baby girl. mom had a scheduled c-section planned for the very next day - came in early due to decreased fetal movement. it was simply tragic. the cord was wrapped around her little neck twice and very tightly. i have never, in my life, experiencied such tragedy. i have miscarried myself, but the feelings i felt for this family were on a totally different spectrum. i came across this web site just yesterday....
  11. by   ElvishDNP
    Quote from rnkatrinak
    i came across this web site just yesterday....
    wow, very moving website. thanks for posting.
  12. by   lupin
    While all nurses see problems with patients' health caused by their own poor choices, none to me is more heartbreaking than when it affects infants/children. It is so easy to get angry and furious at them and most of the time they are in such denial we end up on the legal side of it, but we have to just keep plugging away at the education part and their choices still remain their choices.
    Take good care of yourself and stay focused on the fact that YOU did what you could do for her and the baby. Perhaps next time she will pay more attention to what the diabetic education tells her.
  13. by   MaryAnn_RN
    Yesterday I was priveliged to care for a patient and her family. She had undergone an emergency C Section and the baby was very sick but alive. He died at one day old just after he had been baptised. His mother was too sick to be with him but dad was there. We were trying to avoid intubation, she was on CPAP but I took it off briefly while her husband told her that baby had passed. If I say it tore my heart hearing her cry it would be an understatement. Afterwards they brought the baby to ICU. The mothers face was so serene and utterly beautiful while she held and kissed him.