sensitive, "morbid?" question for labor-delivery RN's...

[christen13]

Hi,

I am a nurse in a much different specialty, I have a question that seems a bit "morbid" to me, and do need some help with it.

I recently had a patient that delivered a stillborn infant at 37 weeks. She was encouraged to visit, hold the baby after she delivered. This was very helpful, emotionally for the mom along with the rest of the family. I believe this is a theraputic practice, I don't have a problem with it at all. But here is where I get confused.......

What do you to with the baby's body after the mom and family have had time with the child?? How much time do you allow for them, and when are they encouraged to say goodbye?? hours, days?? If days go by, where does the baby's body stay?? How much is this talked about on your unit?? Does the baby's body go to the morgue or stay on the unit until mom is discharged, where is the body if it stays???

Please let me know what your thoughts are.....

Thank you all so much...this is a tough one for me :)

[RainDreamer, BSN, RN]

I agree that 'Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep' is an awesome service. We call them in when we have a demise ....... they take great pictures and are extremely good with the families.

[ktwlpn, LPN]

There is a company called "Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep" that has professional photographers who donate their time and talent to take really beautiful pictures of dead and dying infants. I believe the service is free. If your hospital does not all ready have a program this is very worth looking into. Web site is:

http://www.nowilaymedowntosleep.org

I feel some kind of way about that service.How does "prettying up" the baby affect the grief process? We lost a baby girl at 20 weeks-we did hold her,the staff did takes some pics for us.The pics are not horrible-but she looks like what she was.A dead preemie.I think if I had seen pics of her retouched -looking alive and healthy -it would just kill me.It seems somehow easier to accept the reality.I keep a little box with her pics and layette.My family asked to share it after her death but then I put it away.I really don't understand why anyone would display such pictures.I think of her every day-I don't want to have to "see" her...Same with my parents-it took years to have happy memories of them both when they were well-It was a conscious,constant effort NOT to picture them on their death beds every time I thought of them.My sister actually has pics of our mom in her casket.I think they are awful-she looks exactly like what she was dead..-and I never want to see them again. Anyway-whatever works,right? It's all good...I wish our culture would become more accepting of death-and allow our loved ones to die with dignity instead of "expire" or "pass away" alone and in hospital after every futile intervention has failed.

[RainDreamer, BSN, RN]

A lot of parents that have a sick baby have never even been able to see their baby without tubes, wires, machines, etc. Some parents are able to look past all the wires and machines and just see their baby there ..... but some have a hard time doing so.

I've heard parents say that the pictures help them cope and they are very appreciative of the service, as they're only pictures they have of their babies without all the wires, tubes, and machines.

It's offered to all parents. If they're not sure they want pictures, we as nurses will offer to take pictures (after they consent) and the hospital will keep hold of them for up to 5 years if they ever decide they want the pictures. I know it's a lot to take in and sometimes having pictures of their dead baby seems weird to them, but I've also heard many parents say they regretted not having pictures done ..... so that's why we now keep the pictures in case they change their mind.

[tvccrn, ASN, RN]

Not exactly the same, but in reference to keeping the pictures just in case. I used to be the bereavement coordinator in our PICU. When we had a death we took pictures both with the lines, etc in place and without. We gave families the option of taking the film with them to do with as they wished or we would deveolp them without charge and place them in a lovely momento box with various other things we had for them.

One father lit into us with a passion for even suggesting that they have the film. We had taken the pictures with the mother's consent, but when Dad found out he was furious. We were morbid, gross, unsensitive and jsut he worst people in general for thinking they would want pictures of a "dead body" (his words, not mine).

About 6 months after they left our unit with Dad huffing and puffing all the while, I get a call late one night. From Dad. Asking if we still had the little box and pictures. I said that we did and he asked if he could stop by to pick it up. When he arrived, I could tell that the previous six months hadn't been easy for him. He apologized for his outburst and thanked us profusely for keeping the box just in case.

A lot of families can't handle the thought of having things to remind them when something like this happens, but as times goes on, they need the reminders.

[dawngloves, BSN, RN]

A lot of families can't handle the thought of having things to remind them when something like this happens, but as times goes on, they need the reminders.

This is why you should ALWAYS take pictures. In a year a parent may change their mind about having them, but you can't go back in time. You do not need a consent to take them, you can always save the film to delevelop when the parents are ready.