Funny things that pt's say!

Specialties Ob/Gyn

Published

Pt comes in, ask her what brought her in today, she says that MD checked her in the office and then she had some spotting so she thinks that her "mucous cord broke".

Checked a pt, she was 4 cm-primip. Her mother starts having a freak out fit and says that I need to call the doctor right away. I ask why, she says "because all of my babies were born when I was only dilated to 5 cm." BTW, pt ended up with c section for failure to progress at 8 cm several hours later.

Pt came in at 30 weeks in "labor" for the 6th time in 3 weeks, cervix was thick and closed and she told me that the last time she was in she was crowning when she came in but the nurse pushed the head back in and told her to go home. (cool new treatment for ptl!!):eek:roll BTW, this pt also had c section at full term for failure to progress-I guess whe should push those heads up there more often!

Pt called MD and said that she had some bleeding after she had a BM. MD said that it sounded like some rectal bleeding, maybe from hemmroids and it was a very small amt so she didn't need to worry about it. Pt then said "it isn't coming from that hole, it is coming from, you know the other hole." MD replied "you mean your lady parts." Pt says "well, yeah, I think so, but I'm not sure." Pt had said that it was a little bit of blood on the tissue so MD told her it was probably not a problem, told pt to watch for heavier bleeding and see her in the office on monday (this was a saturday afternoon). The pt said "are you sure?" The MD does not like it when people ask her if she is sure so she said "You don't know your butt from your lady parts and YOU are asking ME if I'M sure?" Pt sent her flowers on monday with a card that said hope you had a good weekend!

Come on, I know that you all have some good ones to share with the rest of us!!!!

ShandyLynn, a surgigator is a wand-like device that connects by hose to the faucet on the bathroom sink. There is a stop-cock on the faucet end that allows water to either run straight thru the connector and into the sink (so you don't have to disconnect to use your sink) or you can turn the stop-cock to divert the water thru the tubing to the wand. The wand has holes on the top of it near the tip (sort of like a sprinkler). The pt either sits on the commode or stands in the shower stall and holds the surgigator under her perineum, turns on the warm water and allows the water to run continuously over her perineum. Most pts find this very soothing. There are also little soap cartridges that come with it that can be inserted into the system to allow the pt to cleanse herself with a mild soapy water thru the surgigator. The key point of emphasis when instructing a pt on how to use a surgigator is to tell them it is held under the perineum and never inserted into the lady parts.

Thanks Indynurse. Those sound much more soothing that the disposable sitz baths we have. I usually just tell my patients to get in the shower and use the removable shower head to spray their bottom. Much less messy too!

I had a pt call her amniotic fluid "babysauce" in a cutesy way, and I still think of that term nearly every time I see it.

I love the primips who rate their pain as an "8" and are 1 cm.

You shouldn't jump up and down when you are pregnant or your water pipes might break.

A pt didn't say this, but M-I-L when I was pregnant- don't raise your arms over your head or it will wrap the cord around the baby's neck.

BABYSAUCE!!!! LOL!!!

The OB nurse who was with me when I delivered my son must have some stories to tell.

Right after he was held up for me to see, I said..."Wow, he looks like a real baby!".

I meant that he didn't have a squashed head and that "unbaked" look some newborns have, but I'm sure the nursing staff thought I was nuts.

Hahah, RN2B2005, I hope you don't mind but I picture someone who thought they were having an alien baby or something... Whoa! It's a REAL baby! lol. That just strikes me so funny somehow.

Originally posted by ShandyLynnRN

prob a dumb question... what's a surgigator?

Good question ShandyLynn.

Scratch that, I just saw the explanation!!!

Had a patient that was about 24 weeks pregnant ask to see my Mother/Baby ID badge when I entered the room. I told her it was change of shift and hadn't gotten it yet (I was just answering her call light), and besides, there was no baby for me to steal! She said yeah, but you might knock me out, do a C-Section, and steal my baby...

Specializes in OB, Post Partum, Home Health.
Originally posted by moz

I love the primips who rate their pain as an "8" and are 1 cm.

Everyone thinks that their contractions are a 10, until they meet up with number 11!

Specializes in cardiac, diabetes, OB/GYN.

Oh my gosh, those are ALL hilarious stories. Just got an email from a NP friend of mine who actually had a woman tell her she ovulated an egg out of her lady parts...Some days it doesn't pay to go into work.

From a pt who needed a foley "How long do I have to have this capitol in me?" Another: "I'm dilated 2 sinkometers" Also,"My wife is being inducted; when are ya'll going to start that there dioxin?"

From an African American pt "I have ringworm on my shoulder; if I put bleach on it, will my baby turn white?"

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