Funny things that pt's say!

Specialties Ob/Gyn

Published

Pt comes in, ask her what brought her in today, she says that MD checked her in the office and then she had some spotting so she thinks that her "mucous cord broke".

Checked a pt, she was 4 cm-primip. Her mother starts having a freak out fit and says that I need to call the doctor right away. I ask why, she says "because all of my babies were born when I was only dilated to 5 cm." BTW, pt ended up with c section for failure to progress at 8 cm several hours later.

Pt came in at 30 weeks in "labor" for the 6th time in 3 weeks, cervix was thick and closed and she told me that the last time she was in she was crowning when she came in but the nurse pushed the head back in and told her to go home. (cool new treatment for ptl!!):eek:roll BTW, this pt also had c section at full term for failure to progress-I guess whe should push those heads up there more often!

Pt called MD and said that she had some bleeding after she had a BM. MD said that it sounded like some rectal bleeding, maybe from hemmroids and it was a very small amt so she didn't need to worry about it. Pt then said "it isn't coming from that hole, it is coming from, you know the other hole." MD replied "you mean your lady parts." Pt says "well, yeah, I think so, but I'm not sure." Pt had said that it was a little bit of blood on the tissue so MD told her it was probably not a problem, told pt to watch for heavier bleeding and see her in the office on monday (this was a saturday afternoon). The pt said "are you sure?" The MD does not like it when people ask her if she is sure so she said "You don't know your butt from your lady parts and YOU are asking ME if I'M sure?" Pt sent her flowers on monday with a card that said hope you had a good weekend!

Come on, I know that you all have some good ones to share with the rest of us!!!!

I had the patient who didn't know she was pregnant have her baby in the toliet, then right after they get her into the ambulance, her roomate (and ex girlfriend of my patients FOB) goes into labor too.

They ended up with rooms next door to each other... thought it was "really cool" they both had their babies on the same day......:rolleyes:

Specializes in OB, Post Partum, Home Health.

had a pt come in, i asked her when she was due, she said in february but they are going to induce me in december because i never carry my babies to full term. (well no wonder if we keep inducing you 2 months early!!!!) do people really think that we are that stupid???????????

Originally posted by at your cervix

had a pt come in, i asked her when she was due, she said in february but they are going to induce me in december because i never carry my babies to full term. (well no wonder if we keep inducing you 2 months early!!!!) do people really think that we are that stupid???????????

Sometimes, yes. :chuckle

Originally posted by at your cervix

"You don't know your butt from your lady parts and YOU are asking ME if I'M sure?"

LMMFAO! This is the best laugh I've had today! Freaking hilarious! Tried to retell the story to hubby... I either left somehting out, or he didn't see the humor, but I'm rolling....

Heather

OH GAWD! Babysauce??? Ewwww.....

And AlaskaKat! That's the most drastic attempt at an infant abduction I've ever ehard of!

I haven't laughed this hard in awhile!

Heather

Don't have any OB stories...just crazy ED stories.........I don't do babies.....they're slippery.....

Originally posted by baseline

Don't have any OB stories...just crazy ED stories.........I don't do babies.....they're slippery.....

LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!:chuckle :roll :chuckle :roll

I don't like crazy drunks either :D

Heather

Specializes in cardiac, diabetes, OB/GYN.

We get both on our OB unit.....While working in a telemetry unit, did have one pt tell me that she received her head injury from aliens strafing her yard and then there was the pt in the ER who told me she was on latex and rabbit pills (lasix and verapamil)....

And, not long ago I had one pt swear that she couldn't be pregnant because she had never had sex.....And just a few weeks before that I inherited a pt who looked pregnant, stated that she was and when I couldn't find the fetal heart, I did an us, which confirmed there was no fetus....So, I get the doc to come in and check my vision and results (since, sometimes on nights, you DO wonder if you are correct or even functioning correctly), and he concurred. The pt refused to believe it, told us we were both morons and left AMA....Later, I got a call from a neighboring facility that wanted us to fax them her records...Imagine their shock when I told them she wasn't pregnant and that had been confirmed via Ultrasound.....I hate to admit it, but we did laugh over that one...........

We got a pt in one night who said that she thought that she was in labor. The nurse that checked her couldn't find the cervix. The OB came in and she couldn't feel it and did a speculum exam and an US. The nurse couldn't feel the woman's cervix because she didn't have one after her hysterectomy.:eek:

BBUUUUAAAAAAAAAAAA HHHHHHAAAAAAA HHHHHAAAAAAA. That one takes the cake!!

Originally posted by NurseyNursey

We got a pt in one night who said that she thought that she was in labor. The nurse that checked her couldn't find the cervix. The OB came in and she couldn't feel it and did a speculum exam and an US. The nurse couldn't feel the woman's cervix because she didn't have one after her hysterectomy.:eek:

I'm guessing the next logical step was a psych consult ??

Heather

I like when pts are getting an "epidermal" for pain relief!

or when the dr. "busts" their bag of water.

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