Nursing Student Syndrome Finally got me

[UPSBossman]

For the TL;DR crowd, after just half ofmy L&D rotation, I'm having a freakout about ever having afamily. This is me venting/looking for advice.

Many of my classmates have alreadyfallen victim to Nursing Student Syndrome - that moment in everystudent's life when they realize that they have everything they arestudying at the time. But I, being of sound mind and judgment, knew Iwould never fall prey to such foolishness. And being a (G0:P0) male,I was pretty sure L&D wouldn't pose much of a risk so I let myguard down, and they Syndrome got me. At the start of this summer, Iwanted children at some point after graduation, now I don't - atall - ever. Its not a lack of desire to deal with offspring, or thechanges in my family dynamic that comes along with children that hasput me off to the idea, its learning about all the things that can gowrong.

My wife and I are about 5 years apart,and she has told me several times (back when I wanted kids at somepoint) that she doesn't want to start having kids until she is 30 atthe earliest (putting me at about 35.) So many of the complicationsof pregnancy are exacerbated or more frequently seen as the age ofthe parents increase. New research is showing as much as a 30-60%increase in chromosomal anomalies as the father's age approaches 40.Maternal complications increase dramatically after 30 as well. Toquote my A&P professor, "Ladies, have all the children you wantuntil you are 30, then stop. You are done. It isn't worth the risk."Now I understand that he was speaking facetiously, and that womenhave healthy and undramatic pregnancies after 30 all the time, butthese words and statistics stick with me.

Compounding all of this, is the fastthat my twin brother and his wife were pregnant this year, and gavebirth this summer. They had a very challenging pregnancy, that endedwith their children spending almost 2 months in the NICU. Now afterlearning about and seeing all that can go wrong, I feel like it WILLall go wrong for me (and my wife.) Hell, I'm so bad now I'm terrifiedto hold - or even touch my new niece and nephew. It has me sonervous, I feel like it would be irresponsible of us to try to havekids, and my desire to have a family one day has shut down.

Now I don't want children at all. Ifind myself constantly trying to talk myself into the idea that a"child free lifestyle" is what I want, even though part of medoesn't believe that at all. I feel guilty about it, as I've spent myentire adult life wanting them at some point and my wife still wantsthem when she is 30+. We discussed it and she said if, in 5 or soyears I still fell this way then we will just not have kids (becauseshe's awesome and super supportive) but I feel bad every time shereferences something in a "when we have kids" sense.

My fears are completely irrational andbased on "what if" scenarios, which I make a habit of notbuilding my life around. But as silly as they are, I can't seem toshake them, and they're changing who I am in ways I don't like.Stupid nursing school. Anyone have advice on how to get over this?

[Skips, MSN, RN]

I think you should speak with a professional counselor or therapist about this. Good luck with school! (:

[nurseprnRN, BSN, RN]

Yep, what Me-erThanMe said. You recognize it's irrational and it's not what you really want, so next stop is the PhD psych. Good luck. You can work this out.

When you're done with the counseling, be sure to keep the phone number for when any girl child(ren) reaches adolescence. You'll be crazy all over again. They do outgrow it, though.

[Certifiable, BSN, RN]

Hi,

I understand that you are feeling that everything we learn will somehow happen to you. That is because all you see around you in the hospital is usually on the sick end of the spectrum- i mean your teachers pick the patients you see- and most of the time they don't give you run of the mill cases, because that wouldn't be challenging enough. However when there are multiple pathologies- there are multiple learning opportunities.

That being said, I understand that you have relatives that went through a health scare with kids. I think almost every person has some part of their family with a health problem or other (including neonates), so you're not alone in that concern. But you need to look at the odds also: It may be that certain cromosomal illnessess are attributed to late in life procreation. but again, that is not 100%... I don't remember the figure-- i doubt it is even in the double digits. again, it's about the odds.

Imagine if you would that the general public knew about Achondroplasia (a form of dwarfisim). almost all cases are because of a new gene mutation and not the fact that it's a recessive disorder (i think... genetics was a few years ago). And how often does this happen? Not as often as we (the hypochondriac nursing students) may think. again- a numbers game. And the general public doesn't worry about it- because it hardly happens.

From personal experience, both my parents married when they were both over 30 - and together they had 5 healthy children, two years apart between each kid, (all top university grads) in good health. In the 80's the only genetic test that was available and of relevance was Tay-sachs, and that was a negative result. Nowadays who knows how many mutated genes and genetic issues might show up if my mom would have done the same tests. But having that information wouldn't have changed the physical outcome, only the mental burdon of decision.

I wouldn't call your thinking "irrational", because this is what we learn! pathology! But I believe that some things in life are never certain, and children fall into that catagory and until you have that pink squishy bundle of joy in your arms, you can never be sure that everything will be 100% smooth and OK.

I hope this was somehow comforting.... as the above person said, you should speak to someone professional about this - might I advise that you speak to a OB doc and ask them how THEY handled having their own kids--- I mean, they are the ultimate person to worry about everything surrounding a birth- so maybe they could put your mind at ease.

Good luck!

[Esme12, ASN, BSN, RN]

For the TL;DR crowd, after just half of my L&D rotation, I'm having a freakout about ever having a family. This is me venting/looking for advice.

Many of my classmates have already fallen victim to Nursing Student Syndrome – that moment in every student's life when they realize that they have everything they are studying at the time. But I, being of sound mind and judgment, knew I would never fall prey to such foolishness. And being a (G0:P0) male,I was pretty sure L&D wouldn't pose much of a risk so I let my guard down, and they Syndrome got me. At the start of this summer, I wanted children at some point after graduation, now I don't – at all – ever. Its not a lack of desire to deal with offspring, or the changes in my family dynamic that comes along with children that has put me off to the idea, its learning about all the things that can go wrong.

My wife and I are about 5 years apart,and she has told me several times (back when I wanted kids at some point) that she doesn't want to start having kids until she is 30 at the earliest (putting me at about 35.) So many of the complications of pregnancy are exacerbated or more frequently seen as the age ofthe parents increase. New research is showing as much as a 30-60%increase in chromosomal anomalies as the father's age approaches 40.Maternal complications increase dramatically after 30 as well. To quote my A&P professor, “Ladies, have all the children you want until you are 30, then stop. You are done. It isn't worth the risk.”Now I understand that he was speaking facetiously, and that women have healthy and undramatic pregnancies after 30 all the time, but these words and statistics stick with me.

Compounding all of this, is the fast that my twin brother and his wife were pregnant this year, and gave birth this summer. They had a very challenging pregnancy, that ended with their children spending almost 2 months in the NICU. Now after learning about and seeing all that can go wrong, I feel like it WILL all go wrong for me (and my wife.) Hell, I'm so bad now I'm terrified to hold – or even touch my new niece and nephew. It has me so nervous, I feel like it would be irresponsible of us to try to havekids, and my desire to have a family one day has shut down.

Now I don't want children at all. I find myself constantly trying to talk myself into the idea that a“child free lifestyle” is what I want, even though part of me doesn't believe that at all. I feel guilty about it, as I've spent my entire adult life wanting them at some point and my wife still wants them when she is 30+. We discussed it and she said if, in 5 or so years I still fell this way then we will just not have kids (because she's awesome and super supportive) but I feel bad every time she references something in a “when we have kids” sense.

My fears are completely irrational and based on “what if” scenarios, which I make a habit of not building my life around. But as silly as they are, I can't seem to shake them, and they're changing who I am in ways I don't like.Stupid nursing school. Anyone have advice on how to get over this?

Welcome to nursing.

We all experience at one time or another that overwhelming OMG moment the send fear though your core. OB/L&D did that for me.

When I was in school....in L&D I witnessed a horror show. Healthy Mom Gravid 2 para1...they lost fetal heart tones, Mom seized (amniotic embolism) blah, blah,blah....They forgot about the 17 year old student on the corner......when it was over I left the room waked up to my instructor and said I was leaving and never coming back.....and I was never having children.

The truth is....this too shall pass. Women have babies everyday! and they do just fine. After nursing school I firmly believe ignorance, at times, is bliss.

I have two beautiful babies.....ok they are 15 and 16. I was 37. I worried, I obsessed, I found a MD who understood an obsessive RN with extensive experience in the worst of the worst. I had the tests for all the bad things. My OB/Gyn made sure that if I had these tests did I have a plan.

I was given....... two of the most perfect human beings. My greatest accomplishment of my life. When they were born I prayed that they would not get a temp, when the walked I feared something else. One night at work a kid that fell from his swing set died.

I came home at 3am and wanted to dismantle the swing set.....even though I had every know protection/precaution/soft mats (outdoors) for them to fall on. I place all my silverware in my dishwasher points down and no running in the kitchen....I care for a boy who died when he fell in the dishwasher and got stabbed by a knife.

Now they are teenagers and they are beginning to drive..... I would rather they be back in the walker I so feared for at least I knew where they were.......sigh.

There will always be dangers...everywhere but it's learning to navigate them.... a quote from my daughters favourite movie (mine too) puts it all into perspective.

"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear. The brave may not live forever, but the cautious do not live at all. From now on you'll be traveling the road between who you think you are and who you can be. The key is to allow yourself to make the journey."

Live! I wish you the best.