This will be my first post as I have been kind of stalking the forums since I applied to nursing school, and didn't even sign up until I was accepted. Here is my story...
I am a 34 year old mother of four, who returned to school after managing retail stores; I have much life experience, as I was a teenage mother to an autistic child. I am married for a second time, but spent much of the last 15 years as a single parent. I returned to school in 2009, determined to show my children that anything was possible and that the road I took was much harder than if they just pursued college after high school. Although, I never graduated high school, my children are well on their way to accomplishing this goal for themselves. I couldn't be a more proud momma, they are great kids and I got really lucky.
I applied for the nursing program at ASU in February 2014 for the fall 2014 cohort. My GPA was a 3.71, but my TEAS score was not so hot, I do not do so well at standardized tests. So combined I had an advancement score of 1.6405 out of 2. My advisor told me not to sweat the TEAS again, and that I would get accepted into the program. Fast-forward to March 2014, acceptance letters are being emailed, I am sitting in one of my last prereq classes, you can see multiple students shining from their happy news and a few who looked bummed. My heart sank as one of my close friends showed me her denial letter. Do I really want to open this email here? I take the plunge....denied, not even wait listed. I drove home feeling defeated and like I had completely failed.
I decided that I would of course try again for spring, I am not a quitter and I truly want to be an RN. I had saved some tuition money with the help of my loving husband. Like I said before, I have been at this since 2009, so my financial aid has dwindled and I knew that I would be on my own for paying for the remainder of school. After being denied for fall, I decided to take a semester off and spent the tuition money on debt that we currently had. Exactly one week to the day of paying this debt, (payment already processed) ASU calls me and says, "There is a spot for you if you would like it." Not only that, it was at my first choice, the VA cohort. Of course I accepted...I mean I can work out the financial aspects, and this is my dream.
So my whirlwind began or what felt like it for a minute, high on the fact that I had been accepted for whatever the reason, and then... I started to panic inside. What if I fail, I mean I wasn't good enough to get in the first time around; heck I wasn't even good enough for the wait list. What if I get to my clinical and end up hurting someone, what if I get through nursing school and start working and my inexperience hurts or worse yet kills someone. My self-doubt has kicked in big time and I am trying to put on a brave face for everyone around me, but inside I am scared to death. Am I alone, is it because of my age, is it because I was originally denied acceptance, I don't know but for whatever reason I do not feel like I am good/smart/young or whatever (I don't think I have actually identified my cause of anxiety) enough to be successful. I am a strong, stubborn, and independent personality and I am so not used to these kinds of feelings of insecurity.
My classes start in 10 days; PLEASE tell me there are other people out there who are or were as scared and anxious as I am. Any words of wisdom about nursing school and what I can expect would also be helpful....maybe I just needed to get this out there. Thanks for reading my rant.
