Nursing school essay #2

[ashelly]

Thank you so so much for the reply for the 1st essay @nurseinfo I had finals and work thus took time to revise my essay. I didn't make a lot of difference because i try to be genuine as possible. Please review this revised essay and leave your comments.

This is my dream job. I know I have strong potential to become a nurse. Nursing has always been my passion since I was a little girl. I remember when I had to take care of my grandmother when she slipped in her bathroom. Taking responsibility on someone's health is most risky and doing it right requires patience and knowledge. I have patience and now I'm working on my knowledge.

People want to have a sense of relief leaving their loved ones in the hospital and I want to be that person that will assure them that their loved one is in great hands. During my experience volunteering at a local hospice I realised that palliative care is a wonderful area to work in, definitely not sad and depressing as many seem to think! I was assigned to volunteer at a ward and it was totally a new experience for me. I encountered with patients who came from different backgrounds and happened to meet their families. I was able to help patients with feeding. They started to talk to me as if I am their family member. Until then I didn't know even a volunteer could make a difference in people's life. That was the time I truly believed that nurses are angels on earth. If I ever become what I dreamed of all these years, I would do only my best to make a difference in people's life.

[missmollie, ADN, BSN, RN]

That's not an essay. That's two paragraphs.

Key points:

Remove all exclamation points

Take out rosy comments and insert words like "work" and "Hard work" and "rewarding" and "challenging", "challenge".

It is not your dream to wipe poop. Get rid of the words "dream" or anything implying a dream.

We're not angels, I f******g promise.

Hospice and palliative are two separate things

Bonus points for using there, their, and they're correctly.

Think hard about the amount of work you're about to sign up for. Be honest. You want to go into this because you respect the hard work nurses do, and you would like to be a part of this field. You're ready to study, to work through the content, and to challenge yourself to critically think. Delve into those issues in your newly elongated essay and you'll have something they'll read. Do not romanticize this profession. That will get you nothing.

Best of luck!

[missmollie, ADN, BSN, RN]

I come a little jaded because this was a second career for me. Here are the books I used for research before making that decision to apply and attend nursing school. You should give these a serious look:

First Year Nurse: Wisdom, Warnings, and What I Wish I'd Known My First 1

[malenurse69, MSN, NP]

Oh boy.

[guest52816]

You are going to need a lot of grit to make it through nursing school, and then operate as a professional nurse.

Instead of focusing on 'dream job,' I would focus on WHY you possess the grittiness necessary to make through school and then be successful as a nurse.

Nobody really cares about your passion. I do not say that to be mean. But honestly, what anybody cares about is that you have the fortitude to make it through the rough and hard patches/times.

Good luck.

[Wuzzie]

Not to put too fine a point on it but this essay will make the admission committee roll their eyes. We are not angels in any way shape or form. Just hard-working regular people with the strength to walk where others fear to tread. Saying you want to make a difference is fine. Saying the families talked to you like you were a "family member" hints at boundary issues. Your two paragraphs are very romanticized and may give people pause to think you might not know what you are getting yourself into. Lose the dream stuff. You can speak to how taking care of your gram sparked an interest in patient care. How working with hospice patients further deepened that interest. How the nurses you observed were caring and competent and you want to emulate that. Try not to be so flowery and emotional. It doesn't translate well. You can be enthusiastic without being saccharine. All the best as you pursue your schooling.

[missmollie, ADN, BSN, RN]

I had written a second post, but it had to be approved by moderators. Know what you're getting yourself into. Go to amazon, and look up books with the term "First year of nursing". Read a few of those books and you'll have a better idea of what is coming, what it takes to be a nurse, and how difficult the job can be. I did this before applying to nursing school so I knew what I was getting myself into, and I don't regret that for a second. Any research will help you make a better decision.