You might be in the medical field if....

Nurses Humor

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Caution: The following is for entertainment purposes only. Don't take this too seriously.1. Discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal to you.2. Your idea of a good time is a full code at shift change.3. You find humor in other people's stupidity.4. You believe in aerial spraying of Prozac.5. Your idea of comforting a child is to place them in a papoose restraint.6. You believe that "shallow gene pool" should be a diagnosis7. You believe the government should require a permit to reproduce.8. You believe that chocolate is a food group.9. You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, "Boy, it sure is quiet around here."10. When you're out in public and you compliment a complete stranger on their great veins.11. You have ever referred to someone's death as a transfer to the "Eternal Care Center."12. You hate working nights with a full moon.13. You don't think a referral to Dr. Kevorkian is inappropriate for this patient.14. You have ever wanted to hold a seminar entitled "SUICIDE....Getting it Right the First Time!"15. You think caffeine should be available in IV form.16. You had to leae a patient's room before you began laughing uncontrollably.17. You have ever restrained someone and it was not a sexual experience.18. The most commonly uttered phrase after midnight is "What changed tonight a 0200 hours that makes it an emergency after 6 months?"19. You believe that "too stupid to live" should be a diagnosis.20. You have ever referred to the ER as a sh*t magnet".21. You believe that the waiting room should be supplied with a Valium salt lick.22. You have ever wanted a terrorist to deliver a Ryder truck to the lab.23. When ordering labs, the doctor wants to order a "dumb sh*t profile".24. When you mention vegetables, you're not referring to the food group.25. You are totally astounded when someone from the lab speaks English.26. You have been exposed to so many x-rays that you say, "No, I don't worry about birth control...I've been irradiated.27. Your patient states, "I have no idea how that got stuck up there".28. You can identify the "positive teeth vs. tattoo" ratio.29. You have your weekends off, marked and planned for a year.30. You encourage an obnoxious patient to sign out AMA just so you don't have to deal with them anymore.31. You use your status to get out of speeding tickets.32. You use the word GOMER in a sentence more than once a night.33. You have ever bet on someone's blood alcohol level.34. You threaten to use "the hose" if your patient won't give you a urine specimen.35. After someone tells you how many drinks they've had, your question is "....and how big were those drinks?"

Specializes in NICU.

Along the same line as the Prozac, we would like something for birth control added to the water supply in the High Schools..and maybe Middle Schools as well!

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Along the same line as the Prozac, we would like something for birth control added to the water supply in the High Schools..and maybe Middle Schools as well!

What a great idea!!!! I wish we really could do something like that. Nothing else seems to work.

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Specializes in Utilization Management.

You know you're a nurse when...

1. You have a bleach dip for shoes at the entrance to your home.

2. You use those extra alcohol swabs from your pocket to clean your computer screen and keyboard.

3. You can't stand in line anywhere without assessing the other customers.

4. If any of those customers looks really bad, like they might Code, you immediately move to the shortest line the furthest away.

5. You're the only person you know who has to be at work at the quarter-hour.

6. You make Christmas ornaments out of empty solumedrol vials and other medical paraphernalia.

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LOL!! I'm only a student and have nothing to add, but these are great.

I disagree... I learn from my students everyday.

Sparky

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Specializes in PICU, NICU, Adult care as RT.
More to add...

1. You tell your family members not to do anything stupid on your days off.

2. You yell at "ER" the same way your husband yells at football.

3. Your kids know more about bodily fluids than they do about X-box games.

4. You never leave the house without a map, stethoscope, and coffee.

5. You have more uniforms, scrubs, etc. than you do street clothes.

I can relate to all of these!

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I'm guilty of these:

1. Keeping those little "sterile" scissors that weren't used out of the pack because they're great for your crafts.

2. You take home staple removers (to remove from your husband's head) after ear surgery to keep him from driving all that way "just for that"

3. Use those little extra alcohol preps on all the phone handsets.

4. Give the cutting device (never used) out of the PICC line catheter tray to your husband to use to cut fishing line.

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