Why Women Are Cranky

  1. With apologies to the guys and acknowledging that you have it tough too . . . but some of the following made me laugh. steph

    > Why women are cranky
    > >
    > >We start to "bud" in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old. Enter the
    > >uncomfortable training bra contraption.
    > >
    > >Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along
    > >those budding boobs, we now bloat, we cramp, we get the hormone crankies,
    > >have to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert tubular, packed
    > >cotton rods in places we didn't even know we had.
    > >
    > >Our next little rite of passage (premarital or not) is having sex for the
    > >first time which is about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus
    > >through your nostrils (IF he did it right and didn't end up with his
    > >cart before his horse), leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about.
    > >
    > >Then it's off to Motherhood where we learn to live on dry crackers and
    > >water for a few months so we don't spend the entire day leaning over
    > >Brother John.
    > >
    > >Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we are), we learn to live
    > >with the growing little angels inside us steadily kicking our innards
    > >and day making us wonder if we're having Rosemary's Baby.
    > >
    > >Our once flat bellies now look like we swallowed a watermelon whole and
    > >pee our pants every time we sneeze. When the big moment arrives, the dam
    > >our blessed Nether Regions will invariably burst right in the middle of
    > >mall and we'll waddle with our big cartoon feet moaning in pain all the
    > >to the ER.
    > >
    > >Then it's huff and puff and beg to die while the OB says, "Please stop
    > >screaming, Mrs. Hearmeroar. Calm down and push. Just one more (or 10)
    > >push," warranting a strong, well-deserved impulse to punch the bastard
    > >hubby) square in the nose for making us cram a wiggling, mushroom-headed
    > >lb. bowling ball through a keyhole.
    > >
    > >After that, it's time to raise those angels only to find that when all
    > >"cute" wears off, the beautiful little darlings morph into walking,
    > >jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop machines.
    > >
    > >The teen years. Need I say more? The kids are almost grown now and we
    > >hit our voracious sexual prime in our mid-30's to early 40's while hubby
    > >had his somewhere around his 18th birthday (which just happens to be the
    > >reason all that early hot man sex got you pregnant in the first place).
    > >
    > >Now we hit the grand finale: "The Menopause," the grandmother of all
    > >womanhood. It's either take the HRT and chance cancer in those now
    > >"buds" or the aforementioned Nether Regions, or, sweat like a hog in
    > >wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the head off anything
    > >moves.
    > >
    > >Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men when men get off
    > >so easy INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being able to pee in the
    > >without soaking their socks...
    > >
    > >Now I love being a woman but "Womanhood" would make the Great Ghandi a
    > >crabby.
    > >
    > >Women are the "weaker sex"? Yeah right. Bite me.

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  3. by   jnette
    heh... who ever said women are the weaker sex, anyway?
    Whoever coined that phrase was surely on crack.
  4. by   Danamegg
  5. by   Brownms46
  6. by   Spidey's mom
    Glad something I posted made you smile in a good way. :kiss

    Again, my favorite . . .being able to pee in the woods without getting your socks all wet. Wow, wouldn't that be great?

  7. by   Brownms46
    steph...I need to stop taking a drink of anything when I open these things...this one and the one about Clinton..almost made me spew lemonade on my screen...:chuckle. I think being about to pee without getting anything wet...would be totally cool!! Thank you very much!! :kiss
  8. by   Spidey's mom
    Brownie . .you are drinking lemonade and I'm drinking wine . .

    When my sister and I were of elementary school age, we tried to pee like boys . . .and got our socks wet. So, that is truly funny to me.

  9. by   nursedawn67
    Too funny!! :roll :chuckle
  10. by   Brownms46
    Strawberry lemonade is my fav Steph! And I tried to same thing when I was little. I thought it looks cool...:chuckle. I think my mother caught me doing it. :chuckle.

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