The Top 25 Witty Things to Say to Your

  1. The Top 25 Witty Things to Say to Your
    Doctor During a Pelvic or Prostate Exam

    25> "Take it easy, Doc -- you're boldly going where no man
    has gone before."

    24> "Hey, my chi is unblocking!"

    23> "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"

    22> "Can you hear me NOW?"

    21> "Oh, boy! That was sphincteriffic!"

    20> "Could you write me a note for my wife, saying that my head
    is not, in fact, up there?"

    19> "You know, in some states, we're now legally married."

    18> "Smith, Corporal, 0291563!"

    17> "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"

    16> "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out.
    You do the Hokey Pokey..."

    15> "Ever seen 'The Crying Game'?"

    14> "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"

    13> "Doc, wanna see my Ned Beatty impression?"

    12> "I love the smell of latex and K-Y in the morning.
    It smells like... victory!"

    11> "Ever gut a squid?"

    10> "If your hand doesn't fit, you must acquit!"

    9> "Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."

    8> "Does this gown make my cervix look fat?"

    7> "Go slow, Doc -- I wanna learn how to do this for my friends."

    6> "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"

    5> "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"

    4> "Say, Doc, how's about this time *I* get on top?"

    3> "Sometimes, when you touch, the honesty's too much, and I
    have to close my eyes and pee."

    2> "Deflector shields: Down!"

    and's Number 1 Witty Thing to Say to
    Your Doctor During a Pelvic or Prostate Exam...

    1> "Get a camera! We can tell Ripley's Believe It or Not that
    we're the most unusual Siamese twins EVER!"
  2. Visit Andy S. profile page

    About Andy S.

    Joined: Jul '01; Posts: 162; Likes: 82


  3. by   sunnygirl272
    OHMY!!! i almost peed my pants...just emailed that to a bunch of people...esp one of my friends just had her pap....
  4. by   sbic56
    Thanks...I needed that!!
  5. by   Sable's mom
    I'm at work - OB department -

    These are great - now my patients will wonder why I'm snickering during their vag exams.

  6. by   misti_z

    That is freakin hilarious, Thanks!!! I like #20!!!!!!!
    :roll :chuckle freakin hilarious!

  8. by   WashYaHands
    I'm sending this to all my friends at work for some humor therapy.

  9. by   ERNurse752
    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  10. by   eltrip
    Oh, thank you, THANK YOU for making me laugh so much that I had to put down my chocolate danish & coffee! ROTFLMAO!!!

    Can you believe it, it was almost better than CHOCOLATE!

    Have a great day, andylane! You deserve it!

  11. by   DJrn
  12. by   Jay-Jay
    This reminds me: A lady in Australia won a radio contest for the most embarrassing story with the following:

    She had a gyne appointment for a routine pelvic exam and pap smear, and after getting the family off to work/school, she was running late. No time for a shower: rush to the bathroom, grab up a washcloth from beside the basin, and give herself a quick scrub 'down there' so she'd be sweet and clean for the exam.

    The doc. was running on schedule, and she was quickly ushered into the exam room. She lay down, put her feet in the stirrups, and tried to think of being on the beach in the Bahamas, while the doc did his thing. She was rather suprised to hear him say, "My we have made an extra effort this morning, haven't we?" but didn't bother to ask questions.

    The exam over, she got dressed and went home. Later in the day, after her daughter arrived home from school, she heard her call out from the bathroom:

    "Mom, what happened to my washcloth?"

    "What washcloth?"

    "The one I left beside the basin."

    "I put it in the wash, dear!"

    "But Mom, it had all my sparkles on it!!"
  13. by   boufrn
    waaaaayyyyy toooo fuunny...........!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks !
  14. by   teeituptom
    Howdy yall
    from deep in the heat of texas

    Very funny yall, but it does make me glad that Im a male nurse in ER and get to avoid all that female exam stuff. I will take a nice puking spitting combative drunk/chemically impaired patient anyole time.

    doo wah ditty

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