The Facelift

[Spidey's mom, ADN, BSN, RN]

Ok, to make up for my reaction to the ugly woman joke:

> > The Facelift...

> >

> > A middle aged women decides to have a facelift for her

> >

> > birthday. She spends $5000 and feels pretty good about the

> >

> > results. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a

> >

> > newspaper. Before leaving she says to the clerk, "I hope you

> >

> > don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?"

> >

> > "About 32," was the reply.

> >

> > "I'm exactly 47, " the woman says happily.

> >

> > A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the

> >

> > counter girl the very same question.

> > She replies, "I guess about 29."

> >

> > The woman replies, "Nope, I'm 47."

> >

> > Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a

> >

> > drug store on her way down the street. She goes up to the

> >

> > counter to get some mints and asks the clerk this burning

> >

> > question.

> >

> > The clerk responds, "Oh, I'd say 30."

> >

> > Again she proudly responds, "I am 47, but thank you!"

> >

> > While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man

> >

> > the same question. He replies, "Lady, I'm 78 and my eye

> >

> > sight is going. Although, when I was young, there was a sure

> >

> > way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but

> >

> > it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra. Then

> >

> > I can tell you exactly how old you are."

> >

> > They waited in silence on the empty street until curiosity

> >

> > got the best of her.

> >

> > She finally blurts out, "What the hell, go ahead."

> >

> > He slips both of his hands under her blouse and under her

> >

> > bra and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully.

> >

> > After a couple of minutes of this, she said,"Okay, okay,...how old am

I?"

> >

> > He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his

> >

> > hands, and says, "Madam, you are 47."

> >

> > Stunned and amazed, the woman says, "That was incredible, how could you

> tell?"

> >

> > The old man replies, "Promise you won't get mad?"

> >

> > "No", she said.

> >

> > (scroll down)

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > He replied, "I was behind you in line at McDonald's."

[Wolfpax]

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

HOW ABOUT THE ONE ABOUT THE WOMAN TRYING THE NEW DO IT YOURSELF FACELILFT... WOMAN GOES TO A SURGEON ROUTINELY TO HAVE A FACE LIFT, HE OFFERS TO INSERT A SMALL SCREW IN THE BACK OF HER HEAD SO THAT IF SHE FEELS LIKE THE LIFT IS SAGGING, SHE CAN TIGHTEN IT UP ANYTIME SHE WANTS WITHOUT AN OFFICE VISIT, SHE HAS THE PROCEEDURE DONE, AND EVERY DAY SHE LOOKS IN THE MORROIR TO CHECK OUT THE NEW LIFT, AT THE END OF THE WEEK IT STARTS TO SAG, SHE GIVES IT A TWIST AND IT'S GOOD TO GO...SHE STARTS DOING THIS EVERY DAY AND AFTER A MONTH SHE GOES INTO THE SURGEON'S OFFICE WITH A COMPLAINT THAT SHE NOW NEEDS HER EYES DONE TO TAKKE CARE OF THE BAGS... THE SURGEON EXAMINES HER AN ASKS "HOW OFTEN DO YOU TIGHTEN THE SCREW?", SHE REPLIED EVERYDAY...HE SAID "MADAM...THOSE ARE NOT BAGS, THEY ARE YOUR BREASTS", SHE SAID "OH, I GUES THAT WOULD EXPLAIN THE GOATEE IN THE MORNING"

[jayna, RN]

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

[tylerlvn]

:rotfl: hahahaha! too cute!

[Shed13911]

Dirty old man!! :rotfl:

[gypsyatheart]

:rotfl: :chuckle :rotfl: :chuckle

That is too funny!! Love it! :)

[jnette, ASN, EMT-I]

whoooooooooooooooooot !!! GOOD ONES !!!

[nekhismom]

heard it before and still like it!