Joke Poker - Bottled Blondes

  1. I have been toying with the idea of starting a "Joke Poker" thread.

    What is Joke Poker? Simply stated one person starts the thread with a joke on a particular subject and anyone can add a joke or two or three on that subject. The winner is whoever posts the last original joke.

    You might decide to add four jokes at once betting that there are no more jokes or just post them one at a time but beware! someone else might steal your thunder and post YOUR joke before you do.

    Rules:- keep it PC (politically correct) and within the TOS

    No racial jokes - blonde jokes become bottled blonde jokes because ANYONE can become a bottled blonde.
    Redneck jokes stay redneck jokes because again anyone can be a redneck
    General religious jokes only - ones that do not target any group
    keep it reasonably clean

    That's all folks except - here is the first "Bottled Blonde" Joke

    Upper class blonde

    A plane is on its way to London when a blonde in Economy Class gets up and moves to the First Class section and sits down.

    The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket. She then tells the blonde that she has paid for Economy and that she will have to sit in the back.

    The blonde replies "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to London and I'm staying right here."

    The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and co-pilot that there is some blonde bimbo sitting in First Class that belongs in Economy and won't move back to her seat.

    The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for Economy Class she would have to leave and return to her seat.

    The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to London and I'm staying right here."

    The co-pilot tells the pilot that he should probably have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman that won't listen to reason.

    The pilot says, "I'll handle this. I'm married to a blonde. I've even
    learned to speak 'blonde'."

    He goes back to the blonde, whispers in her ear, and without question she gets up and moves back to her seat in the Economy Section.

    The flight attendant and the co-pilot are amazed and asked him what he said to make her move without any fuss.

    "I told her First Class wasn't going to London".
    Last edit by gwenith on Apr 23, '03
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    About gwenith

    Joined: Jul '02; Posts: 10,261; Likes: 233
    icu nurse


  3. by   rebel_red

    Ok I'll see you three bottled blonde jokes and raise you a light bulb joke....

    Why don't bottled blondes wear hoop earrings? Their high heels keep getting caught in them....

    Why did the bottled blonde climb over the chain link fence? He wanted to see what was on the other side.

    What do you call a brunette standing betweed two bottled blondes? Stuck in a wind tunnel.

    How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? Just one but the light bulb has to really really want to change......

    oh those are sooooo bad..
  4. by   debbyed

    I either remember the joke or the punch line but never both so I'll just read and enjoy!!!!

    And NO I'm not a bleach bottle blonde...I'm the real thing!!

    :imbar :imbar Oh no...I think I just put myself down
  5. by   gwenith
    How many bottled blondes does it take to make chocloate chip cookies?

    six - one to make the dough and five to peel the M&M 's
  6. by   Hellllllo Nurse
    Did you hear about the bottle-blonde who got fired from the M&M factory?
    He kept throwing out all the W's.

    A bottle-blonde started a new job in a big office building. She got on the elevator, which already had a male employee in it.
    She decided to be friendly, smiled at the man and said "TGIF."

    The man responded "SH*T."

    Thinking that maybe she didn't hear him right, the blonde again said "TGIF."

    Again, the man replied "SH*T."

    The blonde had had enough. She siad "I'm just trying to be friendly. There's no need to cuss at me. I'm trying to say TGIF: 'Thank Goodness It's Friday."

    The man replied "SH*T: Sorry, Honey. It's Thursday."

    So, we stick with the bottle-blonde theme, until no one can come up with a joke that hasn't already been posted. Then, the person who posted the last no-repeat joke wins this round, and starts a new round going with a different type of joke. Right?
    Last edit by Hellllllo Nurse on Apr 23, '03
  7. by   gwenith
    Right - this could go on for a loooong time.

    I just thought it might be a fun way of separating jokes into "themes".

    BTW I am a real blonde but rely on the "bottle" these days
  8. by   Shamrock
    An overweight bottled blonde consulted her doctor for advice. The doctor said she should run ten miles a day for thirty days. This, he promised, would help her lose the 20 pounds she's been trying to get rid of. The bottled blonde followed the doctor's advice, and, after thirty days, she was pleased to find that she had indeed lost the pesky 20 pounds. She phoned the doctor and thanked him for the wonderful advice which produced such effective results. At the end of the conversation, however, she asked one last question:
    "How do I get home, since I am now 300 miles away?"
  9. by   Shamrock
    A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds." When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?"
    The blonde nodded... "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that 3rd day."
    "From hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor.
    "No, from skipping."
  10. by   Shamrock
    What does a blonde think an innuendo is?

    An Italian suppository.
  11. by   Shamrock
    Why don't blondes make good pharmacists?
    They can't get the bottle into the typewriter.

    Why do all bottled blondes all have a dimple on their chin and a flat forehead?
    Finger on chin-I don't know. Hits forehead-Oh I get it!

    That's all I remember for now!!
  12. by   nurse-in-boots
    How do you keep a blonde from going anywhere?

    Put in a circle drive.

    Why did the blonde walk into the post office 40 times in one day?

    Her computer kept telling her "you have mail"

  13. by   legsmalone
    What do you call a couple of bottle blond in the freezer?

    Frosted flakes!

    Why was the bottle blond's belly button bruised?

    Her boyfriend is a bottle blond too!
  14. by   Shamrock
    A policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who were training to become detectives. To
    test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first blonde a picture for 5
    seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

    The first blonde answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one

    The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture shows his profile." Slightly
    flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second
    blonde and asks her, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

    The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch
    because he only has one ear!"

    The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?!? Of course only one
    eye and one ear are SHOWING because it's a picture of his profile!! Is that the best
    answer you can come up with? Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture
    to the third blonde and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you
    recognize him?" He quickly adds, "...think hard before giving me a stupid answer."

    The blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "Hmmmm... the suspect
    wears contact lenses."

    The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if
    the suspect wears contacts or not. "Well, that's an interesting answer... wait here for a
    few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."

    He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file in his computer,
    and comes back with a beaming smile on his face. "Wow! I can't believe it ... it's TRUE!
    The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make
    such an astute observation?"

    "That's easy," the blonde replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has
    one eye and one ear."

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