Gimme your one-liners!

  1. Ah, what an epiphany I had today.

    You know, those of you who use the accucheck machines, that they have a barcode scanner on 'em? Well at my hospital pt bracelets come with a barcode. How very handy.

    So I'm doing this accucheck, and I say to my pt, can I see your wristband? And she says sure, why?

    And I say, We're like the supermarket, we keep inventory on all our fruits and nuts!

    And a good time was had by all, a fine blood glucose reading was obtained, and I'll have a smarmy one-liner that I am absolutely sure I will flog to death by chronic overuse for weeks to come.

    Anybody got one they'd like to throw in?
  2. Visit callmekipling profile page

    About callmekipling

    Joined: Nov '07; Posts: 104; Likes: 87
    Specialty: 2 year(s) of experience in Med Surg, Ortho, Tele, ICU, Hospice


  3. by   NicoleERRN
    Every time i draw labs on a pt they see the 5 tubes and i can almost see the words coming out of thier mouth " do you really need all that blood" and for some reason the first thing to come out of my mouth " well, I sell it on the side" you should see some of the looks !! of course it takes thier mind off the draw.. and i'm done in no time. of course i immediately tell them im joking...i find that by making someone laugh.. it makes it a little easier for them. :spin:
  4. by   al7139
    My favorite is when I have to start an IV. I am a pretty good stick and usually get it on the first try. I will finish up and then say to the pt and family (if present) "Not bad for my first time, if I do say so myself!" You'd be amazed at the laughs I get!
  5. by   Hellllllo Nurse
    When an A&O pt is afraid we'll drop them during a lift or transfer I sometimes say "Our quota for dropping people is three a day, and we made that hours ago, so you're perfectly safe."

    When I worked nocs, I'd tell my pts "Now remember- no pillow fights."
  6. by   Angie O'Plasty
    When I get a patient who has just gotten a pacemaker or ICD and has gotten one or more new leads with it, I always remind them to be careful with the arm on the side where it was implanted...or else they might have to get rewired!
  7. by   Daywalker
    When a patient asks me "what are you doing with all that blood?" I tell'em I'm drinking it. Also, when patients are embarrased/upset about how old they are, I always say it's better than the alternative!
  8. by   prmenrs
    "You wake 'em, you take 'em!"

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