Funny things you have said but wish you didn't

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A few years ago, I was on the phone with a person from the local lumber company. having in mind to ask if they had any tar paper. But instead, toilet paper slipped out.

That remark started the person on the other end's funnybone. In response to my question, he yelled to the help, "Do we have any toilet paper? The lady on the phone wants to know." Then he said, "Yes we do, but it's rather coorifice. What grade would you like?"

My McDonalds story. I was waiting in the drive thru a very long time. Had my neices in the car with me. I was trying to be in a pleasant mood and when we pulled up to get our food I said " A little short handed today?" The man at the window just looked at me without responding. He starts to hand me our food. He has a deformity where both his arms basically in stubs. I was mortified.

Dead silence in the car as we pull out. My neice says "Good going Auntie". The other neices break out in laughter. I will never forget it.

Oh, my goodness. What dumb luck. How mortifying for you. I can't believe I just laughed my a-- off, for that's sad really. I'm ashamed of myself...

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I was getting report from a nurse I did not know and she told me my patient had had a bilateral lobectomy and I looked at her and said "Oh my gosh! Both ears?!!!!!!!!" She did not think it was funny.

too, too funny

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When I was nine my mother became pregnant. Being the inquisitive type I wanted to know all about the pregnancy and what was going on with my new sister or brother. Dad went out and got the Time Life Book on pregnancy and childbirth. I knew to ask questions if I got stuck on words I did not know.

We had been hoping for a baby boy as there were three of us girls. One night at dinner, before my brother was born, I burst out crying. Mom and Dad were concerned as I tried to explain why I was so upset.

I told them I decided I didn't want a baby brother, because I didn't want him to be criticised. Mom and Dad looked very confused so I explained further, "Baby boys are born with a flap of skin on their forehead that gets cut off. I don't want him to have a scar and be criticised."

Mom looked puzzled and Dad burst out laughing. It took him a while to calm down and explain that I had read the words wrong. Circumcision and foreskin were the words I had failed to look up as my 9 y/o brain had equated them with criticize and forehead.

I still hear about this one...my brother will be 35 in a week.

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Specializes in OB, critical care, hospice, farm/industr.

So... DID your little brother get criticized?:chuckle

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Specializes in NICU.
So... DID your little brother get criticized?:chuckle
Well, I do know a lot of women who prefer an uncut member . . .
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Specializes in NICU, Infection Control.

Treetop--I'm sure you had an embarrassing story w/which to torture HIM!!! Right?

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So... DID your little brother get criticized?:chuckle

:p As a matter of fact, yes. A few years later he did manage to gain a scar on his forehead, also! He was goofing off as only a 3 y/o can do and fell against the coffee table, cutting his forehead and eyelid open.

He is now in his second year of nursing school, he plans on being a trauma nurse.

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Treetop--I'm sure you had an embarrassing story w/which to torture HIM!!! Right?

He was a master mangler of the English language. We, the family, still call eyeballs...eyebulbs, in honor of him.

There are many other things with which to torture him, most are not suitable for a public forum. Besides, if I started on him, he may start spilling the beans on me! :stone :saint:

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This is kind of an old thread, but I'm bringing it back...there are some great stories on here!

I had just started a new job and was standing near a group of coworkers who were talking and laughing...I wasn't really listening to their conversation and I didn't know what they were talking about, but I over heard the word "Volvo". So I chimed in and said "Volvo? I have a Volvo, I love it!!! It's red!"

Everyone just stared at me, then started hysterically laughing...I had no idea what was so funny...until one girl said they were discussing something regarding VULVA. And I had just said I have one, I love it, and it's red.

And so the ice was broken LOL

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LOL!

That is priceless :lol2:

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I went to a brewers baseball game with my brother. As is his custom, he brought along a gallon size ziplock bag stuffed with peanuts. A few minutes after we found our seats, a gentleman came past us with his teenage daughter who appeared to be mildly retarded. I noticed as they went past that the daughter also had a ziplock bag stuffed with peanuts. They sat down next to us while by brother was busy reading the lineups. As he read I slid his bag out from under his seat and hid it on my other side. A few minutes later he took the bait. "Hey wheres my peanuts" he asked. Innocently I replied "I am not sure but I think that girl stole your peanuts". He looked over and saw her reaching into her bag of peanuts and became excited, accusing the poor girl of stealing his peanuts. I let this go on for a few minutes. While he was still arguing I snuck brothers bag back under his seat. Than, again acting innocently, nudged my bro and pointed under his seat. After he profusly apologized to the man and daugher, I let them in on my joke. We all had a good laugh over it........dabow

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On my unit I'm the one others turn to when they want to hear things I shouldn't have let slip....

One time a unit secretary is talking about how she gets really pissy when they keep pulling her into 1:1's. Others were saying she never gets that upset and I pipe up with "no, I have seen her p*ssy, cough cough get pissy" for a second everything was silent and then from behind me was, "did you just say what I think you said?"

Laughed til the tears were flowing... I still get razzed about that..

then just this week we were discussing pt's we wouldn't go in a room alone with like the 26 F whose UDS had EVERYTHING and was on ecstacy and hypersexual. She stripped naked in the ER and ran around trying to lick people. When I got her on the floor I said I'm not going to be alone in that roomwith her, not that I mind being licked but....

That was the end of the sentence as everybody bust out laughing.....

seems I'm good for something around here:lol2:

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