Funny things patients say ! - page 9

While working in the emergency room I was taking care of a 90 year old lady who came in by wheelchair from a local rest home. Her complaint was right leg swelling and we found an obvious deformity of... Read More

  1. by   wilsonbl5150
    I came across a 3yr old in the peds clinic, he was getting immunized. He was very talkative and told me "I know the difference between boys and girls... Boys have a penis and girls have pajamas"
  2. by   No Stars In My Eyes
    JeneratorRN: Don't feel embarassed about what you said to the quad-pt......Myfirst nursing job was at MGH in Boston, on the fresh spinal-cord floor, with the doctor who was pionneering the HALO-frame. One thing I learned on that ward was that alot of the patients developed a really "wicked" ("GOOD"/sharp/profound )sense of humor, similar ro the original M*A*S*H* movie, ie: what might sound appalling to an outsider was massively funny to an insider. I was standing in a four-bed ward room; there were 3 paraplegics and one quadraplegic. Well, they were talking about sex and having a penis transplant above their level of injury, so they could feel things again. Everyone was hoo-ha-ing about wearing a cumberbund or an obi-sash, and during a pause in the conversation the quad piped-up and said rather plaintively " But I'll have to wear an ascot for the rest of my life!" After a brief moment of silence while everybody processed that image, we all broke out in howling laughter, screaming-hysterically until tears ran down our faces and our cheeks and stomachs protested by cramping. Of course the retelling doesn't hold the same humor of the moment, but still. And one other thing, a quad I took care of for years used to say he had to be a professional quad and teach caregivers how to take care of him, since all spinal-cord injuries cause different problems and physical responses in each patient. For Christmas I got him a t-shirt with the following written on it: I AM A PROFESSIONAL; PLEASE DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME; He told me later it was one of the best presents he ever got, and he did wear it ALOT! Another kid (para) used to get a large charge out of wincing and saying "OUCH!" when I was doing anything to his feet, from footcare to just putting on his shoes. Everytime he'd do it, I'd jump and say "ooh!...SORRY! and he'd laugh at me and say "You are ssoooo easy. You do that EVERY TIME, and you KNOW I can't feel a thing!"
    Last edit by No Stars In My Eyes on Apr 25, '11
  3. by   Aeterna
    Quote from No Stars In My Eyes
    JAnother kid (para) used to get a large charge out of wincing and saying "OUCH!" when I was doing anything to his feet, from footcare to just putting on his shoes. Everytime he'd do it, I'd jump and say "ooh!...SORRY! and he'd laugh at me and say "You are ssoooo easy. You do that EVERY TIME, and you KNOW I can't feel a thing!"
    I had a patient who used to do this too!

    He was a middle-aged man and a paraplegic, and I was literally on my second or third shift as a new grad. I remember I was turning him or doing something with his legs, I can't quite remember, but he screamed out in pain.

    Me: OH MY GOD, are you ok?
    Patient: Ahh, it hurts!
    Nurse (who I was shadowing that day) : *walks in* Oh, don't listen to him. He can't feel anything from the waist down, remember?
    Patient: Bah, you always ruin my fun!
    Me: I can't believe I fell for that....
  4. by   AllieSparksRN
    a patient of mine last night requested milk of magnesia. the look on his face was amusing although he is somewhat of a drama king. he looked at me and said, "don't they make this in a chocolate flavor? yuck!" ahh, nursing....
  5. by   No Stars In My Eyes
    Call me crazy, but I swear in the back of my brain is a vague memory that they DID make choc. MILK'O'MAG....
  6. by   Jenni811
    We had a patient on our unit who had dementia and was from a LTC facility. she was the cutest little old lady. She would constantly push her call light, when anyone would answer we would ask what she needed and she would reply "what do you mean?"..."You have your call light on. Do you need something?"...."Oh, no dear. I didnt mean to do that"
    Well when iasnwerd the light i started running through things she might need (Light was on maybe every 5 minutes). i asked "Do you need to use the bathroom?"..."Bathroom? what do you do with a bathroom?"...."Do you need to pee?"...."Oh no dear. I don't pee, i never have and i never will."...i walk out of the room and her call light instantly goes back on, i walk back in. she says "Maybe i do have to pee. I guess there is a first time for everything"

    made me chuckle cause this lady is in her 80's and clearly its not her first time peeing.
  7. by   Jenni811
    Had to give a tap water enema after the previous nurse did (so i was the 2nd one doing it). Apparently my water was warmer than the other nurse. The patients wife was there and i walk in the room and the patient says "This is the hot nurse i was telling you about." There is this long awkward pause and the patient goes "Oh jeez. you know what i mean!" It was the joke of the day :-D
  8. by   Turd Ferguson
    "I been vomickin and doozin all day"

  9. by   No Stars In My Eyes
    HEY Turd Ferguson, you need to go over to the thread where everyone is explaining how/ why they came to use the on-line sign-in name; my enquiring mind wants to know!
  10. by   Jenni811
    Just had one today that cracked me up! :-D
    My patient was on clear liquid diet- advance as tolerated. So he tries orange jello and beef broth for his first round of food. i walk in the room to see how the "food" is staying down. I see him dipping orange jello in his cup of beef broth. I asked him what he was doing he stated "If you close your eyes and concentrate really hard it is kinda like dipping a really soft tender steak into some beef aju"

    what an imagination...
  11. by   Aeterna
    I was working a night shift and caring for an older man. His daughter was staying the night to ensure he was comfortable and to assist in his care, as well as to act as a translator (as the patient's primary language was not English).

    One night, he was particularly restless and his daughter was getting a bit frustrated at constantly having to reposition him throughout the night. His room's call light went off so I went to answer.

    Daughter: He's saying there's a pain in his ass.
    Me: (repeating her words) A pain in the ass?
    Daughter: Yes, he's a pain in the ass!

    I hadn't realized what repeating her words would sound like, but we had a good laugh over it before setting to work to help reposition her father xD
  12. by   Jenni811
    had a patient come in with various cardiac issues. (Med/surg tele unit) and hes states he takes his blood pressure at home and writes them down.
    "Great!" i said "Do you have this with you?"
    "No, i forgot it at home but i remember my most recent blood pressure"
    "What was it?"
    "121/119? are you sure?"
    ...everytime i kept getting diast. blood pressure in the 70s or 80s he would demand a "second opinion" on his blood pressure because he was dead set on his blood pressure being 121/119.

    I still today have no idea what it really was, but clearly it wasnt that.
  13. by   Daisy_08
    Ok, this one was me. I was have an operation a fews years back. Just before going in to the OR, I think he was a med student, was doing my final pre-op check. When he asked me what type of operation I was having I said sex change. His eyes went to the size of grape fruits and he started frantically going through my chart, when my mom and I burst out laughing he looked up and sighed. I still laugh thinking about the poor guy .